A
female
age
30-35,
*.rachelle2012
writes:Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together 2 months, and he cheated on his girlfriend with me and he has a kid with her and another one on the way... then he told her that he did and he didn't see the relationship with them going anywhere. Before they broke up he bought a house and was letting her move there with him rent free, and is still letting her move with him. She knows about me and him. he says its because he don't want his kids to grow up without a dad. But does anyone else see my point of view on this or am I just being untrustful? Would you let your man/ or girl live with their baby mama/ baby daddy?
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female
reader, supermum  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 Well, I can't say I am sad the relationship is over, but I hope you are ok.
As for the age thing, yep, I totally get that guys your age are immature. But look at the type of guys you are going for... cheats and law breakers. You deserve so much more, no matter how attractive that bad boy is. I would say at 17 anyone older than 20 is too old. When you hit 20/ 21 then I feel age is not quite so important.
I speak from experience hun, I always had older boyfriends (17 and going out with someone in his 40's...which I know is massively different to you) so I know what it is like, and I know the appeal. But I also know that it does not end well for most.
You are right to think about sorting yourself out for now... someone once told me no one will ever love you enough until you learn to love yourself. Admitting you are pretty is not the same as loving yourself. I would focus on that. The right man will come along, fear not :)
Good luck!
A
female
reader, a.rachelle2012 +, writes (19 November 2011):
a.rachelle2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the question well i ended it... in a bad way but i got drunk and cheated and he drove up to it so i'm dumb made him cry, but we've been fighting 247 so i guess it was for the best. I'm just going to stay single and focus on my college career starting this spring (: & i know your concerned but guys my own age are so immature my best relationship was 3 years with a guy that was 24 when started and 27 when it kinda ended. he went to prison so i just write him to keep his head up but he knows we're not together.
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (19 November 2011):
Again, personal opinion? He is not trying to impress you. He is playing mind games with you. If you feel sorry for him, and if you think that he feels amazingly special to be with you, you are going to do everything you possibly can for him.. and he knows it.I am woried that your parents seem ok with this, especially with boyfriends as old as 28. Depending on what state you are in, if anything gets too heated and goes to far he could be arrested for statutory rape. And the fact that HE does not think it is wrong is equally worrying. I know I am not going to change your mind. That's cool... but I would ask that you think properly about what I have said in this and my previous post. Think on it with an open mind and just be careful ok?
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A
female
reader, a.rachelle2012 +, writes (18 November 2011):
a.rachelle2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay so, age doesn't exactly matter considering my youngest boyfriend i've ever dated was 19, and oldest 28. So 23 isn't that big of deal. And my parents let him stay over all the time and love him including his age. And another question why does he feel he's not good enough for me? like he's cute, and i know i'm pretty and all but that he always thinks he has to impress me because I look good. I mean yeah its cute but what can I say to make him not put hiself down?
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (17 November 2011):
Hiya, just reading your follow ups etc, and read about the age difference. While in older couples it would not be so much of an issue, and while I am generally one of the people that says age does not matter, this is sending big, huge red flags to me.I know you think it is super cool that an older man is interested in you, but unfortunately I can pretty much guarentee this relationship will fail, and I don't want you to get hurt. You seem like a pretty mature lass with your head screwed on, but you still have a lot of growing up to do. (Hell, I am 20 and a mother, and I still have a lot of growing up to do). He will be slightly more advanced in maturity than you (though he sounds like a bit of a pig to be honest, and definately not all that mature either)... and the little things that 17 year olds do will start to grate on him. You are still learning to deal with these new hormones rushing around you, and no doubt (if you are anything like me) you will have mood swings, tearful moments, stroppy moments etc.If he has a more mature lady around, the mother of his children no less, there will always be a bond there, something I am not sure you can compete with at the moment. And to be honest, why would you want to?You have a couple of choices. 1) Live your life with him. See how things go. Worry every day about what he is up to and with whome. Drag him on to the Jerry Springer show (or modern equivelant) to get the truth about his cheating. Help bring up someone elses kids. Deal with him constantly running off to her, whenever she has a problem. Deal with the fact that he has unprotected sex without thinking about it, and wonder who else he has done it with and what he may be infected with.OR 2) Dump his sorry ass. Spend a few weeks wallowing in self pity and gorging on chocolate. Then drag yourself up, make something of yourself and find a man who thinks that YOU are gods gift, not himself. Someone who can focus on you 100% because he has no other responsibilities (ie children). Someone who, if you choose to mother children with in the future, will be going through it for the very first time with you, someone who will be as excited and scared as you.Sorry for the long post, and I know it sounds weird coming from a stranger, but I promise you can do better.Have you spoken to your parents about this? If you do not want to tell your parents, that is a pretty good indicator that you think it is not right.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, a.rachelle2012 +, writes (17 November 2011):
a.rachelle2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand i'm not the boring type, she's well i gues you could say was raised like a princess so she has never even had a job, and shes 26 come on thats a little bit abbsurd dont you think?
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A
female
reader, a.rachelle2012 +, writes (17 November 2011):
a.rachelle2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno its not 17 is of age just throwing that out there.but thanks for the advice. I guess i'll see what happens(:
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 November 2011):
 so let me ask you a question...
when your 23 yr old 'man' is 26 and you are 20 and no longer please him and he leaves you how will you feel?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 No it's not your fault... it's his fault... that's my point ... in "decentpeopleworld " you don't just up and dump the mother of your two children just because you have seen a more "pleasing " new item... and anyway you don't cheat. You wait until your current relationship is officially irrevocably over and all your ducks are in a row re . everything including housing before you start a new relationship. If you don't , it's a sign that you may be egocentric ,finicky and impulse driven, which are not great qualities in a partner. That's way I say , handle with care...What goes around comes around.
Btw, good thing that you are not sexually intimate. I suppose you are underage in your country, and he is not. He would be committing a crime.
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A
female
reader, a.rachelle2012 +, writes (16 November 2011):
a.rachelle2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe is 23, and tbh i feel like a homewrecker, but he wasn't happy with her,.. is it my fault his women couldn't please him?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 November 2011):
Better safe than sorry so, sexually active or not, why don't you suggest that you will only get together again AFTER he has definitely moved his ex out . So you can start with a clean slate , so to speak .
( I'd still be wary of a guy who dumps his pregnant companion to romance a teenager, and thb I don't believe for a sec that he is "risking his kids " for a 2 months old " new entry " But that's another , more complex story ).
How old is he btw ?
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A
female
reader, a.rachelle2012 +, writes (16 November 2011):
a.rachelle2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he came over today and I told him how I felt, and he said that he is getting her an apartment in about a month because obviously she can't work bc she is preg. so he is helping her. and told me if i'd like to talk to her she would be more than happy to tell me he is getting her an apartment so he can have HIS house. i'm really happy with him and apparently he his risking alot to be with me so now what are ya'lls opinion? and supermum thanks i really liked your advice with talking to him like a civil adult. Which is what I did today. And its not like i'm putting out or anything we have never been sexually active so is he really risking his kids for no reason to play me or what ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): he's quite the piece of work isn't he? cheating on his gf while having kids with her and building a home with her. not the kind of person you should be involved with.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2011):
he's your boyfriend
he CHEATED on someone else WITH YOU which means he has the potential to cheat ON YOU with SOMEONE else.
he has a child with her and one on the way
HE BOUGHT A HOUSE... you are 17 he is HOW OLD?
Honey cut him lose and let him go live with the baby momma and that drama...
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Rachelle: WAKE UP!!! ... and walk away from this exploitive situation. YOU stand to be "the big loser" when all this shakes out......
Good luck....
P.S. Am I correct to guess that this delightful "boyfriend" of your's is AT LEAST 20 years old... or more?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): He seems more like the other girl's man than yours. Sorry but move on and find someone who will buy you a house to live in and takes care of you...
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Hunny, this is not a situation of trust at all! It is far from it.
This is a situation of a man building a family and wanting to be there for that family. He wants to support his kids and be their dad. Do you really think that he is still your boyfriend? If he is then how do you plan on pursuing this? Will you be dropping by to join them for Sunday lunch? I'm jus saying that its not realistic. You should let him go do what he needs to do and you should move on... seriously. xx
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (15 November 2011):
This is a very weird situation, and I can understand your doubts. Especially as he has a history of cheating. I know you wont want to hear this, but you are very, very young to be having to worry about such adult problems. Is this really how you want to live your life?
While it is good that he wants to be a supportive father, there are many ways to do that without living with your ex partner.
I would have a frank talk with him, tell him your concerns and worries. See what he says. If it satisfies you, stick with it, but to be honest at your age you probably have enough going on without having to worry about this.
I know you probably wanted us to say that everything would be fine, and I really wish it will be.... but he has a big huge black mark against him for cheating in the first place, and you are likely always going to have that worry over your head with him.
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