A
male
age
36-40,
*ee jong
writes:hello everyone, i'm confused but reached the end when i'm with dearcupid. Men will you forgive your girl of 4 years, after she cheated for the first with no reason and confess to you. And then tells you how much she loves you, can't live with out you. Will you give a second chance? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Hector54  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 Some people will say that there must be a reason she cheated on you, don't believe that line. When someone commits a transgression, you should not blame yourself. If you've done something wrong then they should break-up with you then do as they please. If you have shortcomings that they cannot live with they should simply leave you and find a relationship that suits them better. Cheating is always wrong. Ultimately, you must decide so ask yourself: Will you feel resentful? Can you trust someone that has betrayed you?
Good Luck
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 August 2012):
No. I'm very firm when it comes to cheating. Cheating stands for a set of characteristics that I do not appreciate:
- self-centered
- disloyal
- untrustworthy
- weak of mind
I can say with full confidence that I would never put myself into a position where I'd be tempted to cheat. Which means that if the relationship isn't working I would end it, I don't get close to other people I'm attracted to, don't get shitfaced in unsavory situations, etc. etc. It doesn't take a superhuman to do this, just common sense.
Your gf made a choice when she cheated on you. At that moment in time, she definitely COULD live without you and she DIDN'T miss you at all.
All that said, of course it does make a difference whether she kissed someone else or had actual sex with them. I got accidentally kissed once in a club by a drunken guy who basically attacked my lips with his without forewarning. I shoved him away, but technically the kiss still happened. So context matters. Still, don't be too easy on her. If she kissed another guy without stopping him, something is still wrong. Actual sex is unforgivable in my book. Any relationship ends there, for me.
But in the end it's up to you. If you're softer than I am, at least make her work her ass off to make it up to you. Don't accept her back without a fuss, let her prove through actions that she actually loves you. But honestly, there are lots of fish in the pond....
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A
female
reader, yanna58  +, writes (12 August 2012):
You're not going to like my response but once a cheater always a cheater. I'm a girl and I can honestly say that the girlfriends I have who have cheated on their boyfriends do it again and again. I've never heard of a girl who did it only once (or only on one guy). The only thing that's changed about the cheating women is that they become better about hiding it (and are less likely to confide in me about it immediately). But the truth always comes out.
I'm sorry, but if you give her a second chance, she'll find an excuse to do it again. The other agony aunts have mentioned that she must have had a reason to do it. I'll tell you her reason: she's a selfish person. She'll always be a selfish person who puts her desires above your emotions. That's not going to change. The only thing that can change is your behavior. Break up with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2012): When the woman I love cheats on me, I'm not her beloved anymore but become her JUDGE. No man EVER wants to be placed in that position. Sadly, thats where you are now. You either will condemn her unfaithfulness by dumping her or pardon her & accept her back. How can you make a fair judgement with a broken heart? May I suggest that you halt the relationship. Spend time off her with the people that truly love you which is your family, & get busy with work. Being apart from each other for a while will help put things into perspective. Time will help you see what kind of a woman you want & help her know what she wants from a man. So by the time you two meet again, you will be in a good position to make your judgement & she'll be in a good position to accept it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012): Depends on the person really. Some people can forgive and move on from it, for others the hurt is simply too much and they can't get over it, so find the best thing to do is end the relationship.
You need to find out why she cheated.
Was it a one night thing that she genuinely regrets and won't do it again?
Or did it happen because of deeper problems, like her just being unhappy in the relationship?
And ultimately, ask yourself could you forgive her for cheating and give her another chance if she requests one.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 August 2012):
 Depends what happened. A one time mistake with a relative stranger, she told you immediately, then if you can get past it then do it if you want to. If it's a long time affair, she lied, no.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (10 August 2012):
I personally would not give a cheater a second chance, but that is because I have had women cheat on me and then suffered through them doing it again. I now feel that once trust is lost it is time to move on. Everyone has their own view on this, however.
Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012): If she only cheated one time I think I might give her a second chance. We all make mistakes and I think everyone deserves a second chance. However if she had an affair, like several months then I might have to rethink that. She probably just got caught up in the moment and like guys wasnt thinking clearly. Does she sound like she is really sorry and wants to be with you only? If so give it a whirl and see what happens. Hate to see you get rid of something that might be the love of your life, the mother of your children. Women are funny if you don't give her a second chance and you dump her, then realize that she is the love of your life she might not take you back. Or even worse she could move on and then you are the one that is out. Good luck and I hope it all works out.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 August 2012):
 There must have been a reason that she cheated on you, there always is a reason behind it. To forgive her or not for this is your choice and nobody else's. Ask yourself would you be able to trust her again after this. Talk to her about things, ask her why. I must admit that it is a good sign that she told you about it and never tried to hide it, this shows that she can be honest with you. That is a very good sign and four years is a long time. Maybe you can both work it out.
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