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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have a live-in boyfriend of three years.Here's my problem: I want to know if I can trust him today to be what he claims he is. But I don't trust him and wonder if I should give it a shot or walk.In the first 1.5 years, he hated my three children, hid them from his family, told me if he could kill my son and get away with it he would, got my daughter out of my house at 14, allowed his friend to give my son drugs, got him kicked out, used the last 18,000 dollars I had as a single mom, pushed me into 100k credit card debt, had me buy him a gti, then called it a p.o.s. and told me he deserves my bmw which he drove and I ended up driving the car I bought him, and he told all his associates the bmw was his car. He refused to have sex with me, but constantly scoped women in public places and refused to sit close to me or indicate we are together.At the third year he continued his porn habit, flirting habit, went from office crush to office crush, flirts all day by email and text, took hot women to lunch, lied about everything, and insulted and put me down all day via email, voicemail, text and every night as he was drunk. He built his career and became an amazing success and is now more than thriving in his net income. His liquid assets have really grown, and now I am in the red in my home and assets as opposed to having some net worth when he met me. He continued to tell me my son is not allowed in my home, doesn't want my daughter home, and has cocaine and porn parties with his boss in my house when I am gone. I nursed his dying dog, was the main caregiver to him, and allowed him to infiltrate and interrupt all my time with my children because he was jealous. Now my two eldest children tell me I put him before them and took years of their mom away from them, and I hate myself for it. He hides me from his clients and tells me to get my own f****** friends if I show interest in his wild drinking with his buddies. He told me to not go to the gym, and as I would sit at my desk in the office I would get a call or email from him complaining about me and putting me down or raging about my children, and I could not get work done.Today I have one child left at home, upside down on my mortgage, credit maxed, and a career barely dangling.In the last several weeks he has brought his verbal abuse from all day every day to a slip up every couple weeks. He pays all the bills, doesn't complain when I spend his money, and tries very hard to bite his tongue when he feels the urge to insult me come on. He tells me to buy what I want, do what I want with my career, and jumps at every chance at home to tell me he loves me. He treats my last child with respect, disciplines her appropriately and provides for her every need. I sold his car to a friend yesterday, and shockingly, instead of asking me to co-sign, he sucked up a huge interest rate and bought his own car and my name is nowhere on it. He lets me speak my mind more, tries hard to listen, and doesn't pressure me to drink or eat anymore. He seemed to have brought the flirt texting under control, and agrees to having sex when I want to most of the time. He has paid off all 12 of the cards he had me get and maxed. He's been gradually building this more healthy behavior since last December, 2008.My question is, because I am so emotionally and mentally damaged and drained and hurting from the first three years, do you think I should forgive him and give him a shot to be a healthy partner? Every day I tell him I want to separate and I want him away and all of it done because I don't believe he is what he says he is today. Would you forgive him and take him back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): My mom went through exactly this, its hard..
I dont think he deserves your trust, i dont think he dererves anything.. he completely pulled your kids away from you, if he was a goodboyfriend he would of accepted the way things were and went on! It seems as if he doesnt love you, from the things he did..
He hurt you beyond anything anyone could imagine, and thats honestly something that cant go down for women!
I understand that it's been 3 years, and love can really grow strong for a long period time as that, but he isnt worth anyother try at all, once a cheater always a cheater.
YOUR the only person that can really make a desision, i say move and and find happiness again with you and your kids, life is way to short to just let a worthless guy make you feel loner then low!
Some people believe in second chances, and i forsure do, but once its to that extreme thats enough for someone to handle. what if it happens again? you just cant waste your time and let something like that happen to yourself and your kids.
A
female
reader, Darity  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 This story is very sad, I don't know how you have stayed with this man as long as you did and let him use you this way. Your children should always come first no matter what.
Sure he is nice now, but you know the man that is inside waiting to come out. I believe you are asking for advice because you already know the answer, but are hoping for someone to tell you otherwise. I am so sorry for you and no one can tell you what to do, you need to do what you feel is right. It is a very difficult decision.
Good luck in whatever you decide.
I am always a type away if you need someone to talk to.
--Darity
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): The first few lines of your thoughts were enough to formulate an answer to your inquiry. The rest of your post became redundant from that point onwards.
Broken relationships require time and experiences to 'mend'. If distrust is a driving factor from the start, then it will continue to be an obstacle in your 'desire' to build up that trust 'again'.
Often, people 'should' step back and assess their issues as a whole and look at each factor to see if this is what you want to keep doing. If you answer this comment with "I don't know", then you have not stepped back far enough.
Whatever others may do 'should' never affect what you 'should' do. This is an issue relative to you and not me, nor the other half a dozen strangers that may post their thoughts here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): No you shouldn't take him back..you should have left him a LONG time ago... Why do you even need to ask this after how he treated your children and you?
But whatever. If you stayed with him when he was a giant sphincter hole to you, then I guess it would be unreasonable to ask you to leave him now when hes on "good behaviour". First sign of his old ways, you bounce though. Do not empower him any longer if he reverts back, which I'm fairly certain he will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): My question is why did you let this go on so long? If he was hurting your childrn, whether emotionally or physically he should have been out on his butt then and there! I know, easy for me to say, right? On that thought I would have to say no, do not let this man continue to be in your life. He is not good for you. Pick up the pieces and move on! Reforge a relationship with your kids and maybe try some counseling. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (21 April 2009):
 In two words...HELL NO!!!!
You answered your own question...what do you want? according to your statements you want to seperate and want him away and all of it done. If this is what you want, then do it.
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