A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some relationship help. I've not been getting on with my partner lately and it's really stressing me out.I've had a lot of issues this year and he hasn't helped me through any of it. The first major one was that i had major issues about him seeing other woman naked and he joined a life model class and said he wanted to do it for his carrier and i needed to get over it. I can't stress enough about how upset and depressed i was over this and he ignored me and told me to never talk about it with him because he was doing it regardless of how i felt. I was depressed for several weeks through it and cried all the time. I couldn't have sex with him thinking about it. The next was living with his flat mates that constantly abused him and it upset me also. He didn't care and said he was fine and didn't really see the problem. They started being really nasty to me and i told him and his only response was that i was to deal with it and he would move out next year. It was only then when they started threatening him he told them he would move out and then he piled it all on top of me telling me that he was stressed out and worried about moving etc when i had been stressed out for 4 months previously about how they treated us and i couldn't say anything to anyone about it. I was still stressed throughout this.He shouted at me alot and would constantly put me down with little remarks about things. For e.g -Walking down the street together, a woman walks toward us and we need to go one way or another on the pavement to let her by, so i go left and he goes right but we are both holding hands. So he pulled me hard to his side and then scolded me telling me i was stupid for going that way and the woman was obviously going to go in that direction.He constantly makes remarks like 'that's just stupid! why would you do that!' or if i call something wrong e.g call a kitten a cat, he would call me stupid and point out that i said it wrong. I KNOW a kitten is a cat, it was just a slip of the tounge and he constantly pulls stuff like this at me. Everything is an argument.I put it down to the stress of the moving and things. We've only moved for a day out of the bad place, but he's still bickering at me. He won't support me when i need it over anything that upsets me. e.gI just lost 43.oo on ebay because the seller gave me broken items and paypal ruled in the sellers favour for some unknown reason!He moaned at me telling me, 'soooo... whats your problem? It's over with, paypal ruled in there favour and theres nothing you can do so don't go on about it. I hate when you go on about ebay.It's not fair. when i'm stressed out i need a vent and the only way i can do it is by talking about it. I just need a cuddle sometimes and know i'm with someone who cares about how i feel, but he doesn't seem to do it at all!His sex drive is really low in comparison to my own so he complains about having to have sex all the time too.I'm scared because i REALLY love him and i just want him to see things my way and look after me. I want him to actually WANT me for once, for him to come to me and tell me he loves me and finds me attractive and make love to me. I don't enjoy sex when we have it because of this. It's not a turn on when he sighs and says 'FINE we'll do it before bed'. I havn't been able to come at all since starting.I'm scared because i love him and i can't see a future with him no matter how badly i want it. I can see me becoming pregnant later on in life and being in pain and stressed and not being able to do thing and being terrified of the hospital and needles and all he would do is something along the lines of:"i hate having to do things for you all the time!""i wish you would stop complaining about it being sore and deal with it! your not the first woman to be pregnant. I don't need to hear about it there nothing i can do!""You need to stop getting upset over this all the time, i know your scared, you've told me before, but you have to get this done so stop going on about it! I don't need this stress right now!"Thats the way i see my life being right now. I know there will be many ups and downs in life and i will need someone to be there to actually support me. I want it to be him, but how do i deal with it?!Please help me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TheAgonyAunt +, writes (1 July 2009):
 First of all I know you said you really love him but can't you see he's verbally abusing you? If he makes you feel down all the time by putting you down and shouting at you this is verbal abuse.
It sounds like this guy is very insensitive to your feelings and it seems that he doesn't care about you if he doesn't comfort you. I'm sorry to say this but take a step back from the situation and read what you've posted and pretend it's someone else.. what would you say to them?
My guess is you would tell them that they could find someone better who knows how to treat them right.
So my advice is to no matter how much it hurts, leave him.. before you get tied down to him. Trust me it will benefit you in the long run.
Life is short, make the most of it and find the affectionate and loving that you deserve.
Good luck and I hope you take my advice. =)
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 You deal with it by leaving his abusive behind. He is verbally abusive and cruel and cannot emotionally support you the way you deserve to be supported. He will not change no matter how much you love him. This is no way to live life. You're still young and there are other men out there who will treat you with love and respect. Trust me, he's not the only single man in the world.
After you break up, I think it would be good for you to see a therapist for a while. Being in a relationship like this can really do a number on your self esteem and it does sound like you are troubled.
Good luck.
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