A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Would you consider a joke about pregnancy to be a deal-breaker?my Gf and my friend both decided it would be a good idea to play a prank on me, which i found really hurtful and distasteful.i was out last night and on the way home she was texting me that i shouldnt spend money and that i need to save, i asked her what for and she said our children, so i thought it was a joke then said what?!she turned around and said surprise?i said yes and she then replies with so you think im just getting fat and ill? nice. at this point i started thinking she was serious, she followed up her last text with whats your mum going to say? i got home and woke mum up and said i think my gf might be pregnant, mum says i should double check, so i ask my gf if shes done the stick and everything and how far along she thinks she is, to which she replied come online (to msn) i come online and she invites me into a chat with my friend and herself, and she proceeds to say its a joke by her and him...i felt angry and upset, i just put an angry face and then logged off...i had an abortion with my last gf before, and my current gf knows that, not my friend though (may have slipped out while drunk though, not sure how much he knows, but i really dont like talking or thinking about it because it upsets me)mum and dad both said (they dont know about the abortion) she shouldnt joke like that, and she shouldn't test me or get peoples emotions high like that, it was a silly little stunt. i eventually picked up the phone, by this time she realised her mistake and said sorry, it was an assholey-thing to do, and she said i should be assertive and punish her, i said that her tears were enough and i understood that she forget about the abortion before pulling the stunt. she now thinks she dosent deserve me because this adds to a list of things she dosent do anything about or feels bad about. iv told her im the judge of that and if she feels that shes not good enough for me or isnt putting much effort into the relationship then she can take action and work towards feeling like she contributes etc.would you guys consider it a deal breaker if she did this to you? she knows it was inconsiderate and she shouldnt have taken the joke so far. her other prank was to hand me a fathers day card on fathers day....i told her that with face to face pranks, she can at least tell me there and then its a joke.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (5 March 2010):
 There is a lot going on here. Calico brought up the telling point. She asked you to be assertive and to punish her. She is testing you. And pregnancy is likely on her mind. You are emotional and wear your heart on your sleeve. She is looking for a cave man or a bad boy. I Guess the question is can you fulfill that need that she has without compromising your personality. The logical first step is to warn your friend off her. Follow that up by telling her to stop hanging out with him. Claiming your territory should feel assertive to her.
I think she is submissive by nature, but a bit of a smart mouth. If you agree with that assessment I can point you to more information.
You asked if this was a deal breaker. I hope you aren't so hurt that it has to be. You see, I'm quite sympathetic to her because at your age I did something very similar to someone, and at the time I was ready to have the deal broken. I was then, like I assume your girlfriend is, I needed to see her be assertive. Fortunately, despite my immature stupidity, she kept me around.
FA
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): The more a chick talks/jokes about pregnancy, the less you should trust that she's really still taking that pill every day.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (5 March 2010):
I'm all for having some fun, but her pranks are not funny -- they are hurtful, stressful and in very bad taste. Tell her to knock if off. The thing that concerns me more is her over-dramatic reaction. You ended up talking her out of not being good enough or "punishing" her? What's up with THAT? you are the wronged party here, and you end up reassuring her? Oy.
Just tell her no more jokes and pranks. They aren't funny, she doesn't have a good sense of what's appropriate and you really don't want them in your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): As bad as she seems to be acting with the practical jokes, I can see the reasoning behind it.. It's her way of easing some of the pain you may be feeling about the past incident, by shining a comedic light in her own demented way. She feels by laughing about similar stuff that somehow it will make you feel better. I'm not saying it was right for her to do that, but only why she did it.. I can relate to her way of thinking, with the practical jokes, because when something terrible happens to someone I know, I get carried away and try to joke about certain things, not to be crude, but to try to make them feel better. Some will find strength through the jokes, and some will be severely offended and possibly more hurt.. The ironic part is when something similar happened to me, and people would try to talk seriously about it, I would feel so much worse, but when a couple people joked about it, I felt comfort, like the weight wasn't so heavy. To be honest, most people seem to be more like you, and find more pain through joking in such a way, so I have to say it's not good for someone to try joking with most grieving people, unless they really think they know how they will react. The one joke I wouldn't have taken lightly if she did that to me would be the Father's Day card, so see, I would have got offended by at least one joke, so we're not that different after all. One day she might really piss you off, so just tell her to stop before she ruins your whole relationship over one really bad joke. I would normally say to try to see the humor in it, but what she was joking about is out of bounds, but at least she knows that now. Give her another chance, because she must not have thought it would turn out to hurt you more, by trying to make you feel better, otherwise she wouldn't have been so immature as to do it. Alot of my clowning days are over, because I have seen where it sometimes causes more bad than good, so tell her to quit clowning around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): She sounds very childish and inconsiderate to be playing such hurtful 'pranks'.
And what is this relationship she has going with your friend???
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 March 2010):
I have to say it was completely insensitive, and God knows something like this would scare the hell out of me. However, she does seem very sorry for it. This girl seems to like her jokes a little bit too much. You mention that there are others that she has pulled before. I think you need to be honest with her and say that the practical jokes are going too far and that she is on her last chance this time. And mean it. Give her one more chance. But if she does pull something like this again, get rid of her.
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