A
female
age
36-40,
*ittykhaos
writes:so im re posting this question because no one answered..my boyfriend never calls me or texts me. We are in a L.D.R and we have been friends for many years and he has always been this way not just with me but with other friends as well but i thought that if we became a couple he would make more of an effort to be in touch. He tells me he loves me and when were out together he talks to me holds my hand and isn't ashamed of me but he makes little effort to stay in touch and he doesn't come to see me, i usually go there and stay with him and his family. He is a uni though and he says he would love to come and stay with me and get out of his home town. I know its nothing to do with meeting my friends, he used to live here and has been to visit a few times and he likes my friends and they like him. But sometimes i just feel really un loved. I know he has a lot on his mind but i wish he would talk to me about it. Our relationship hasn't been straight forward and he hurt me very badly in the past after having a nervous breakdown and excluding me from his life for 6 months and all the rest of it, i really love him and i want to make this work but i don't know if i can cope with the feeling of being rejected. I need some stability but i don't know how to talk to him about it when i only see him once ever 3/4 weeks and i want that time to be special and stress free.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): When you feel someone is not making an effort you need to meet them halfway in their indifference. If he did not contact you for six months, did it get made up later?People only treat us as badly as we let them. I don't mean you should change him. You need to change yourself and rid yourself of your emotional tie to him. Get a life. Do your own thing. Even if you feel a sense of commitment follow rules of politeness which means that he needs to respond to messages or call or invite you... If you cannot change him, change the nature of your attachment to him. In either case the goal is to make you hurt less.
A
female
reader, brigid.imagine  +, writes (5 March 2010):
 As much as i loathe to say it, you might need to approach this conversation over the phone. Write down your feelings, exactly what you need to say, and hopefully if you open up about how you're feeling he will feel more comfortable to do so as well. Or even write him a letter if it'll be easier? Goodluck, but certainly don't give up! They all get stressed with uni, and i'm afraid us poor girls must cope! I would say take up some hobbies etc to fill up the time you're away from him, maybe to help cope.
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