A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive been going out with my boyfriend for 11 months and im a virgin and hes not. im 16 hes 18 (hes not pushy At ALL) im afraid because for some reason early this month i wasnt sure how i felt about him..i was feeling that i maybe should be his friend because i didnt know why i didnt want to have sex with him.(its not because of me beings a virgin) im very attracted to him but i dont think i am sexually. he loves me so so much and i love him but when i say it sometimes i feel guilty because i dont love him as much as he loves me and when we kiss i dont feel anithing most of the time..sometimes i do but mostly i dont and sometimes i just think im not stimulated mentally enough. i wanna be with him and EVENTUALLY have sex but idk why i dont whats wrong.what sounds like is the problem?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): you could be asexual. There's people who just don't feel it, but that doesn't mean you don't love him (that's really up to you to decide) it could mean ur not ready or that ur still not sexually active, but it could also just mean ur not into sex or anything sexual. (with him or whithout him) if your not in love with him you should talk to him, because it would hurt him.
A
female
reader, April1  +, writes (28 July 2011):
I understand what you are saying. He isnt the one for you this is the problem. Whether you are a virgin or not this really has nothing to do with this. Okay maybe you are nervous and worried about it, however, you should still get all the other feelings when you kiss him. You feel you are attracted to him because you think hes good looking, but the problem is, that there isnt any chemistry between the two of you. This is what this means. When i was 16, i met someone who i was with for 4 months, and when we kissed, i felt very excited, my tummy would turn and i would feel sexually turned on, even though we never did have sex. I was a virgin i didnt feel ready in my mind, but my body natually felt i could have done when with him. He went off with someone else in the end, i was devasted at the time. Since, lots more relationships, some poeple you meet, ive thought, wow, hes way to good looking for me, however, when kiss them, just nothing there feeling wise, the reason is because theres no chemistry. This is the situation with you and your partner now. Hes not the one for you! You will no the difference when it happens. That kiss alone, will feeling and mean everything.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 July 2011):
 Well, you're not ready to have sex. That's perfectly okay! You don't need to feel bad because you're not ready. And, you're not sure he's the one you want to have sex with. That's also okay!
I think the pressure people put on the relationship over "when to have sex" sometimes chokes really good relationships that take time to become friends and build trust and love.
I'd break up with him only if you don't love him and don't see a future in your relationship with him. If you do care for him and want a relationship with him, talk to him about how you feel regarding sex. If he really does love you, he will wait.
Sex is not a rush, particularly when you're a virgin. The first time is crucial. Best to be sure first.
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