A
male
age
,
*ikeEa1
writes:I have met this lovely woman who has all the personality attributes I want I think so far. She wants to be my girlfriend but she's vey bad at sex. She's either stiff as a board or moves awkwardly. This ultimately results in my getting a softie. Her explanation is that she was never very interested in sex and is now not interested at all. I'll give her one thing she's prepared to do it anyway. My question is - Is it worth sacrificing the sexual excitement of a fulfilling sexual relationship for some nice loving companionship?
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male
reader, MikeEa1 +, writes (29 July 2011):
MikeEa1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks anonymous reader that was a really wonderful reply. I think theres a spark there or at least I hope so I'll try some of those things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): Tricky. If one person is more highly sexed than the other it can cause problems - it's an important part of intimacy in a relationship.
She says she's not interested in sex (which, yes, is a turn-off) but she does it because she knows you want to (but not much of a turn-on either).
I notice you are in your fifties - is she as well? If so this could be a hormonal thing to do with the menopause or post menopause. If you really like her then maybe there are some things you two can do. First she can go to the doctors for a blood test - there could be a medical or hormonal cause for lack of libido. Secondly you could try just deciding not to have sex for a while and just being intimate - kissing, caressing and so on.
You don't actually mention love. Love is a big trigger for sex! And although you say she wants to be your girl-friend - why? Because there is some attraction? Because she wants stability and to be in a relationship.
If there is no spark there between you then maybe you should just settle for being friends. You can enjoy the company and conversation with each other and both be free to meet someone else - and who knows - sometimes friendships develop and suddenly there is romantic attraction and passion.
Women sometimes don't want to get involved sexually too soon either. We can also be contrary too (just like men!) - if you suddenly decide you are not interested in her in a physical way, she might feel more physical herself - see it as a challenge.
But basically I would say - get the romantic feelings right first and then the physical intimacy should follow. Wining and dining and romance really does work. It fires a woman up - the slow process of a long romantic meal, wine, a little gift, telling her she looks beautiful. Maybe you two should go away somewhere for a week-end - a hotel with dinner package thrown in. Either you will just be a couple of cosey mates on holiday - or something romantic will happen. Women love romance! But the feelings have to be there.
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