A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would someone really hold back and push you away and say they don't want you if they really did have feelings for you? Like for example if they weren't ready for the relationship or whatever, even though they can have a relationship with others perfectly fine. Because in this situation I feel like the guy I was with "got scared and ran".In all honesty I know the answer probably is no. I know I should move on but I'm struggling and I need to make sense of it all because all I do is think about it, espeically since he will not explain why he did anything that he did with us, or for the way hes pushed me away even though hes admitted we're such good friends.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Yes it's very possible. if someone has feelings for you but also a lot of insecurities, then they are terrified that getting more involved with you will lead to them getting hurt in the end. Pushing you away is a way to delay or avoid their getting hurt. If they had no feelings for you, if you meant nothing to them, there isn't as much at stake in being around you so they wouldn't push you away.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): hi, i just want to say its different in each case, for each person, some people cant help it.
I do it to people and I hate it but tbh its sometimes down to peoples own insecurities, its hard to explain but for some people its trust issues and trying to keep up barriers, if u think there are feelings then be ready to take on those barriers and prove why someone doesnt need them with u
x
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A
female
reader, zxcsdiana  +, writes (26 February 2012):
 There are plenty more fish in the sea. It's true. I remember when I liked a guy and he liked me back, I wanted a relationship after a couple months but he said he wasn't ready for one, truth is, I wasn't ready for one. He may have not been ready to put a label on what we were, but he was committed. I had sex with other guys I didn't have feelings for and this made me realize that I was not ready to be in a committed relationship. Of course, there are other reasons a man may not be ready for something like a relationship. Some guys DO see that label (girlfriend/boyfriend) as pressure. The guy I'm with right now who I am completely head over heels for broke up with me almost a month ago and when he told me he regretted it and talked to me everyday like we were still together, I was so confused. I didn't understand what the difference was. Putting a label on something means full on commitment, and sometimes it's scary because you really don't want to mess up.Have you talked to him about how you feel? You should just ask him. That way if the answer is as you feared- no, then you can at least move on and find someone worth your time/appreciation! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): "Would someone really hold back and push you away and say they don't want you if they really did have feelings for you?"
There are circumstances where that can be the case yeah. Say for example he had feelings for you but you didn't have feelings for him or that there was another good reason why you either couldn't or wouldn't be together. For example say if you live too far apart, or one of you is moving away soon or he's your brothers best friend and had to make the choice not to hurt him etc. Feelings aren't always enough OP, circumstances and practicality always have to be a factor if a relationship with a person is not practical then that always leads to heartache and failure of that relationship.
"Like for example if they weren't ready for the relationship or whatever, even though they can have a relationship with others perfectly fine."
I think that's a fairly cut and dry one there OP. When someone says they're not ready for a relationship to you but they can with others it means they simply don't want a relationship with you. Even if there were no others telling a person you're not ready for a relationship always means that. It's a "nice" way of letting someone down gently, the same it's not you it's me, or I'm still in love with my ex. They all mean the exact same thing, he doesn't want to be with you. Given that I think the answer to your first question is resounding no. If he really liked you he wouldn't be pushing you away, especially seeing as he is fine with getting with others.
"In all honesty I know the answer probably is no."
You're right OP, in this situation the answer is no.
I actually think you've made perfect sense ofthis all OP and know exactly what deal is here. It's just your heart refuses to let go of the hope, it trie to view the nice moments you had with him as signs of the possiblities regardless that your mind knows full well what this all means.
Good friends is another blow off OP isn't it? "I don't want to ruin our friendship" it's designed to try and protect your feelings and make him feel less guilty.
He doesn't nee to explain anything OP, you have all the proof you need really. It would be nice if he was up front but you know how it goes, practically no one directly states to others that they don't want them and give the ral reason they say things like "I'm not ready for a relationship," "We're such good friends" but they're just words OP. It's pretty clear from his actions what the deal is so tell your heart to cop on, that all hope of you being with him is gone and it's time to let go.
You have your closure in his actions.
"I'm not ready for a relationship" yet he is with others. "We're such good friends" yet he's pushing you away and being distant.
If he wanted you in any way he wouldn't have closed the door by saying he doesn't want a relationship. If he was such a good friend then he wouldn't have pushed you away.
What does that make him? A nothing. He's neither your lover nor your friend.
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