A
female
age
36-40,
*ewbern
writes:This may sound a bit silly but it's causing tension. I love wearing long nails. I always have, especially (but not just) french manicured nails. My boyfriend, who's 29, always said that they're very sexy, but the problem is he's got unbelievably small hands for a man (17cm which is roughly 6.6 inches! and they're also very skinny) and mine are much bigger and with very long fingers (almost 7.5inches plus an extra inch with nails). I'm not that tall either, I'm 5'6 and he's 5'8. Obviously long nails make my hands look very feminine even longer and he says that's really embarrassing in public as some of his mates have made jokes over the fact his hands are much smaller than mine. I told him it's not my fault he's got the hands of a 12 year old- and also "in bed" he loves them. This is the first time I've dated someone with smaller hands than mine.We went clubbing the other day and while waiting at the bar a guy came up to me and paid me a compliment about my really long nails and straight after he asked me if I was single. My boyfriend keeps saying he's had enough and my nails are a sexual magnet to men! He wants me to wear them shorter. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): Hiya newbern,
Just thought your question needed re-evaluation, in the light of some of your other posts. I'd stated on this thread (as had many other aunts) that this 'sexy nails' issue was your boyfriend's problem, a result of his insecurity, and not remotely something that should bother you.
But the fact is, as you've explained elsewhere, you have repeatedly cheated on him. I think this explains why he's a bit insecure about you being approached by other men on nights out. And it's understandable.
So you can't reduce this to just a set of fingernails. The issue here is that - as your other posts make clear - you love the attention of other men, and the jealous/horny reaction this provokes in your boyfriend. And there's also the very serious issue that you get satisfying orgasms from being with other men, but he's never made you come. And, also, the fact that you love the way he reacts with what you call 'unbelievable randiness' each time he finds out you've cheated.
Believe me, I'm not judging you. I too am a hopeless failure at monogamy. I know all too well the dynamic thrill of 'I've been a very bad girl' sex, where getting your man's jealousy worked up leads to the most spectacular, super-hot 'reclamation' sex. I've got an on-and-off partner who I really like and care about, but we're not a couple, purely because both of us know full well that I find it incredibly difficult to resist other men, and am wholly untrustworthy if I'm expected to be faithful.
(For that reason, I think it would be really unfair on him to be boyfriend/boyfriend. But whenever we do have sex, he's always asking what I got up to with this guy or that guy, and I answer all his questions in full detail. I can feel how much it turns him on, but I know it torments him too - he says so. And sometimes I think I'm being really horrible for doing it and getting off on it.)
What I'm getting at here is...be considerate! You say that at one point, you told your boyfriend that if your being unfaithful bothered him, he could feel free to dump you - but, in your words, he 'came crawling back'.
In other words, you declared that you reserve the right to have sex with whoever you like, and he has to accept this as a reality or lose you.
And, if that's the case, he's not really your boyfriend and you're not his girlfriend, he's a f**k-buddy, and it might be more honest to agree on a 'Just Friends with benefits' deal. That way, he's a free agent too.
Again, I'm not judging you sweetie (I'm no angel), I just think you could be a bit less cruel with your boyfriend's feelings. I mean no offence.
Best of luck xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): Hmmm...I wonder what Vectra would have to say about teeth marks?
That depends on who's doing the biting and where. ;0)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): It's hardly his place to tell you what size your nails should be. So he loves them, says he finds them sexy, but has suddenly changed his mind purely because they're a sexual magnet to other men? Not a major issue, but not a reasonable request either.
On a semi-related note, I have to assume it's never occurred to you, but if it has - please for the love of God, NEVER finger your man if your nails are very long, no matter how often you hear it recommended.
G'luck
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A
female
reader, lovespice  +, writes (2 August 2009):
I used to do the long nail gig. Solar nails were the best. However, they aren't practical and hold a lot of bacteria and may even turn into a fungal infection. Yes, most men are attracted to well groomed nails, not necessarily long. Just as we would want to look at a man's clean groomed nails. I don't think it really matters. Sometimes short nails painted dark red with glossy finish look pretty powerful too.
The guy that commented on your nails probably uses it as a line on anyone with long groomed nails. Don't take it to the bank. I don't think you are identified by your nails.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): I find your obsession with nails very unnatractive and little bit disturbing.Personally i couldnt care less how long a womans nails are as long as they look healthy.I dont mind claw marks on my back either.
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A
female
reader, newbern +, writes (1 August 2009):
newbern is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feedback.
I guess he sees his masculinity undermined as his hands are much smaller than his girfriend's, which doesn't really happen to anybody else. Also, perhaps he is conscious of being quite tiny all over hence his over reaction.
It's true that telling him he had the hands of a 12 year old wasn't the best thing to do...but you have no idea how jealous he gets whenever people compliment my nails...i suppose my remark was said in frustration!
Or maybe he is right and my hands are too big???:-(
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 August 2009):
I think your boyfriend is mental if he expects you to chop your nails off just because
a) he's so pathetic that he lets his mates teasing get to him
b) he feels so threatened by a man daring to ask you out in a club.
You're probably very pretty.
This is all about his lack of confidence and low self esteem. It has nothing to do with your nails.
Telling him he had the hands of a 12 year old probably did not help and made him wonder what else you thought was 12 year old about him.
Make him feel like a man and reassure him that he is the only man you want. Then he'll forget about this stupid hand issue.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): Might I suggest that your own beauty is the sexual magnet, and men comment on your nails as a way of starting a conversation?
Your b/f must realise this?
I wonder if he is using this issue as a means of control; unless of course he doesn't realise the above and needs educating.
If I'm right, nails or no nails, those men will find other things about you to comment on - it's your own fault for being so attractive!
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