A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About a year and a half ago, I experimented a little in the way of self harm (cutting) when I got angry/upset. On the two occasions I did it, I was very drunk. On the second occasion that it happened, I was extremely drunk and was cutting my leg a little. I didn't realise how hard I was doing it, I could barely feel it and as a result, I cut my leg open quite badly and had to go to hospital and have many stitches. Now, about a year and a half on, I have a long thick scar at the top of my thigh (as well as some little ones) and now I am terrified that every guy from now on will be really put off by it and will not want to continue seeing me because they think it's weird (and I don't think I could lie about where the scars came from, it looks sort of obvious what it is). I am not into self harm any more, I tried it just those two times and would never do it again as my stint in hospital scared me really badly and I realise that it is no answer to any problems.Would this kind of thing really put a guy off and make them run a mile? I'm terrified I will end up alone because of it. Can I have some guy opinions please?
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (16 February 2009):
 If your boyfriend is a good person, whe he kisses your scars and say "i will be here to help you heal" could also mean both physical and emotional scars. But again, communication is first and foremost. Appreciate his positive support toward your healing without developing dependency ("needy"). If necessary, you may need to seek professional help too, to help you identify your insecurities and work toward how to adress them so you can start strengthen your confidence.
Hugs!
Cat
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Some might wonder about your mental stability, that is why when asked about it you would have to be honest yet...stress the fact that is was then and this is now, and you are not that person any more and also that you had too much to drink.
I hope you are a different person now! I hope you don't think of harming yourself anymore! Nothing is as bad as you think it is at the time. Use this site if you should ever feel the need to hurt yourself. Talk to friends who care!
I think men would understand that you have changed and wouldn't do that now if you are sincere about it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Once again no it wont put him off - yes you have them but they are your past. A different you. You are now new and all improved both inside and out.
Hugs Star.x.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 February 2009):
To be perfectly honest, I would tell them it was from leg surgery or something for a good long while.
If you tell them the truth up front then it might make them think you are like that NOW and they'll have to take you down A&E for your weekly overdoses and cutting sessions.
You say yourself you are a different person now. Why let your past get in the way of your future. What you did back then is not relevant to current boyfriends so don't tell them for a good long while until you are sure they know the real you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is not so much the physical scar that makes me anxious that a guy would be put off, but the act behind how the scar got there. would guys think im weird and be put off for cutting myself that badly?
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (15 February 2009):
If he is a good person, he'll kiss each and every single one of your scars and say "If you allow me, I will help you heal" xoxoxo ...
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A
female
reader, aunty jess +, writes (15 February 2009):
 i have a lot of scars, when i was younger i was a bit of a tom-boy i suppose, i have a long scar down my arm, and many scars on my legs and knees, and as far as im aware of it hasnt put off any of my boyfriends, if someone really loves you they wont care about little things like that.if your finding it a really bad problem you could always try some products such as bio-oilit does atcually work and have made my scars on my legs much better, but i like the scar on my arm as its my trademark it makes me individual i used to hate it, but if you learn to love those little things then you will become a lot less self-concious about them and people will think you behave in a sexier and more appealing mannerjessx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): I've got those scars as well - two of them. When I broke my leg the bone split into three pieces and the surgeons had to go in to wire the bits back together and insert a metal rod inside the thigh bone from hip to knee.
The scar is unlikely to disappear completely, but it does fade over the years. Yours is relatively recent so you'll see some improvement yet.
Anyway, to answer the question - I doubt very much if anyone will be put off by it unless they are a shallow sort of character who is looking for the perfect body, which doesn'r really exist. I don't think you have any cause for concern about it - it's what's inside that counts and beauty is only skin-deep after all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Don't worry about it. As otherstarfish said. It is a reminder of how far you have come, and who you are now. Men don't mind scars. I have a huge scar across my stomach (galbladder surgery 30 years ago) for years, I was self conscious the first time with a new guy. Then I started making a joke out of it. When someone would ask I would say "knife-fight" Then of course I would tell them the truth. I eventually I was secure enough to wear a two piece bathing suit again. It is just a part of me who makes me who I am!
Guys won't be turned off by it...as long as when you do tell them, assure them that you are Not that person any longer!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 February 2009):
I think Other Starfish has the right idea... there is no way that when a guy gets you to the point of being naked enough to see your upper thigh, that his eyes are going to be on that scar.
Lots of us have scars or other things in odd places, and it doesn't stop you from having sex.
You can always say it was from a Skiing accident if he asks afterwards!
Also, you could try bio oil which is supposed to help get rid of scars.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Simple answer is No it wont put a guy off. You went through some bad times and now have the scars to prove it (apologies for the play on words). You have changed from that person. This is what has made you the person he is with today. Be proud it made you the woman that he see's and who he will want to get his rocks off with.If you are deeply worried he will run, when you are heading to the point of getting naked, stop and tell him. Say look i have some scars there, he might ask why, tell him and then he will rip your clothes off. (just a guess on my part). if you are worried, maybe the first times do it in the dark...So my view is no it won't put a guy off. He will not normally be interested in your legs at that point.
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