A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband had been joining internet dating sites and chatting with other women and cheating on me behind my back for years before I discovered it and when I did he abused me and called me names and wouldnt tell me anything about what he had been doing unless we went to marriage counselling.3 years later and I am still married to him. Things have been going OK except for the occasional argument started by me when his past behaviour comes flooding back to me.He has been depressed lately, sitting on the couch and showing little enthusiasm to do anything. Also been drinking a bit. But also alternating in appearing to be over-helpful.The other night he checked his phone, went into another room and did something on his work laptop. I walked in later and he was showing me some real estate on another computer. I asked him if he had been chatting to someone. His reply was "Hey?", so I asked again, he looked me square in the eyes and told me to fk/off. He also said to "fking get over it".He has only said this to me once before and that was when he was in the midst of an affair (that I didnt know about) when I asked him to do something with the family.Would anyone have any thoughts on whether his reaction would be due to feeling guilty about chatting again or just sick and tired of having to explain to me that he isnt chatting anymore. I really need other's opinions because I dont seem to be able to trust my instincts anymore due to finding out that I had been deceived by him for so long.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): You don't trust him, with good reason, but by always bringing it up every time you start having those feelings flooding back to you, it is putting a big obstacle in your marriage ever healing. The fact is he does have to earn your trust again, but for it to work, you have to be willing to give the chance to earn that trust again, and your not doing that though. If you can't both work together to heal your relationship, then it won;t heal. I think you both need to figure out if you can really heal after this betrayal and if you are both truly willing to work on making it heal, then you have to start doing that, if not you may need to part ways for a while and see if you want to be continue the marriage. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (20 December 2011):
He tells you to "f/king get over it" when he was in the wrong?!! NO NO NO
No one should speak to you like this and if he's not cheating right at this moment, it's probably not for lack of trying.
How do you feel about divorce? You certainly have reason to .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): if you can't trust him anymore (and for good reason, I think) then you shouldnt' stay married to him. If you're going to stay married, there has to be trust. And not only must he be truly changed but you must not be randomly interrogating him over every little thing which is pretty disrespectful to him if he hasn't been doing anything wrong anymore.
This is why I think this marriage should be over. He has broken your trust and deceived you and betrayed you. Therefore you can't trust him. He's proven he is not to be trusted. But yet you claim to want to continue this marriage. OK, but manifesting your mistrust is also a roadblock to the relationship ever healing.
if you can't trust him, then don't pretend that you can and then get upset when you can't.
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