A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on the weekend, drunken girly night out, first night out properly since I split with my ex 2 months ago (I've been a total hermit but also had a promotion at work so been concentrating on that).I haven't really been interested in guys since...But as I said, met a guy. We clicked instantly, had a real laugh together, it was one of those connections that seems very rare and is definitely very rare for me!So he's got a brilliant personality, good looking, Italian, I knew he was older than me but then he drops the bombshell, he's 15 years older than me...Doesn't want kids (already has one and is the reason his last relationship broke up) and doesn't want to get married. I told him I want these things. We left it at that.He got my number off a mutual friend and asked if I wanted to meet up for a drink. We had a bit of chat and banter through texts, then I wanted to clarify whether he wanted to meet up as mates or if he was interested in more... He said he is interested in more but we can stay friends as he's never clicked like that with anyone.I don't know if it would be wise to meet up...I like him, but we want different things. Is this just going to lead to someone getting hurt?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 When men say they don't want marriage, it can be translated into they don't want the emotional baggage attached to it, or don't fall in love with me yet. Marriage can be a wonderful thing. I met a guy who said he closed the door on love (he's 41 at that time). I was thinking inside, "really, already?" One year later he wants more than sex, he wants to open higher chakras and be more intimate.
However, when a man says they don't want kids, you could take that literally. Whenever I mention children and pregnancy (I don't even want more children), my boyfriend gets so sensitive about this and just stopped the topic abruptly.
If you never had children. I would never hook up with him. Well that's me, I see how have given birth to my son and raising him lit up my life. A woman who repressed her need to have a child becomes very uneasy and argumentative. It's also healthier to have a baby. You decrease your chances of feminine cancers. You have a lower risk of endometriosis. It would be unwise to give up the chance to conceive in order to be with him. You can never change a man's attitude about having children. It's possible that if you accidentally got pregnant he would accept it. He might recent it at other times. But that's for you to find out after you get to know him more. I wouldn't fall for him to quickly.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 February 2010):
It will lead to you getting hurt, not him. He's after one thing, and that's sex. He's not bothered about kids or anything else like that. Leave it now and move on.
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