A
male
age
51-59,
*exam
writes:My partner and I are in an age gapped relationship. I am the older woman, 38 and he is the younger, 21. We have been together for 3 1/2 years now and have never been so much in love! I left my disfunctional marriage to be with him. I have 2 children ages 18 and 9 who have accepted our relationship. On the other hand his mother and oldest brother have been dead set against us. his brother has waivered every now and then but now I have total hatred towards him for the things he's has tried to cause between my partner and I. he has gone as far as trying to pay my partner as well as one of his friends to break us up! He ended up having a shotgun wedding to a 19 year old as he himself is 26 due to a pregnancy. Everyone has told me, he is jealous of our relationship and of his little brother. I believe that, but its become a challenge for me because I loathe him and we work together. His mother doesn't say anything to me but it hurts because my ex husband talked to her and lied to her about the kind of person I am. She refuses to give her son a chance to show her how happy we are and to get to know the real me. Holidays are very lonely and family is very important to me. He is close with his family and at one point I have told him he needed to cut off his ties with the older bro. The middle brother accepts me and we get along great, his father I feel goes along with the mother to keep peace within the household, but has waivered on a few things between our relationship over time. My partner and I get along great and even tho he's going to school an hour away we still talk every day and are still very much in love which keeps growing every day! I visit him 1-2 times a week. I just feel like an outcast when he has family functions to attend(bros wedding, christmas, birth of his soon to be niece etc...) It feels like those things get thrown in my face constantly. My partner finds it difficult to stand up to his family for fear that they will disown him. They won't be around forever. And my family has accepted my decision whether they agree or not. I just want to know how others have dealt with simillar situations and what can we do to overcome these obstacles?? How do we deal with people who are jealous/envious of us? Desprately seeking answers...
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female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 At the end of the day his family should be glad that hes happy and leave it at that. They sound a little disfunctional if you dont mind me saying. Theres an age gap between myself and my partner but luckily they are all ok. If i were in your positon id just ignore them. As Pinktopaz says, dont give them any ammunition. Just try and put them to the back of your mind. If they have a problem with you. Its their problem, not yours. Invite them to things and let him go to them for family occasions. Dont try and make him chose. He may well want to move away from them over time if they dont come around but it has to be his decision.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (2 February 2010):
Well I haven't had to deal with it myself. But if you two are happy together, then that's what matters. I think you're really taking a chance dating a guy that young, I'm 26 and wouldn't date a guy that young (and you started dating him when he was 18? Whoa!); however, everyone is different and there are some men who are more mature than others.
I really don't think that you should tell him to cut ties with any of his family members. Basically, his family is his problem and he should deal with it however he wants being that you two are not married. I think if you force him to do anything, he'll only resent you later on. I say that those that want to be jealous, let them be jealous! Isn't it better for people to be jealous of you for what you do have than criticizing you for what you don't have?
I think you should be the bigger/better person and don't let them bother you. Invite them to a family get together, all you can do is try, and if they won't budge then that's their problem. One day maybe his family will want to open their eyes and really see who you are and get to know you. But the last thing you want to do is give them ammunition to use against you; so don't be bitter, rude, or tell their son/brother to cut ties with them. It only gives them more of a "reason" to dislike you.
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