A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a man for about 8.5 years except for one break-up that lasted about 4-5 months at which time I met this other man and really liked him but when the first man wanted me back I went running, being still in love and all. Its been 5 years since that break-up and we now have a 3 year old together.This man (baby daddy), lets call him Charlie*, IS a great man. He loves me, he does not abuse me, he has a job, he loves our daughter and we really don't fight much- mostly because we don't talk much lol. I work a lot AND go to school and she sleeps a lot. I love Charlie* but when we kiss or make love- there is no spark, no fireworks, nothing, and quire often his laziness drives me absolutely INSANE! He seldom helps with the house OR the kid.Also, man #2, lets call him Mark*, while we dated I was looking for a job and he found me one- I still work with him and have for the last 5 years. I find myself always re-calling and dreaming of the times we shared and how amazing they were and regretting ever leaving him. He is one of the only men I know who still has any chivalry. He has had a girlfriend now (who also works with us) for the last 3 years but she is HORRIBLE to him- so mean an d rude and she even talks crap about him when he's not there and it makes me want to punch her in the face because Mark* is an incredible and amazing guy and I want him back soooooo badly. I want his hugs and his kisses again- they were amazing before and I bet they still would be. He deserves SOOO much better than his current g/f, even if it can't be me- but I want it to be--HOWEVER- I don't know if that is even possible...What about Charlie*? He's my daughter's father! And it's not like we dont get along and he's a bad man or anything. The only thing wrong is the lack of chemistry. Would it be stupid to leave one good man (who is my baby's daddy) for another man just because the romance was richer??And question #2, Lets suppose it IS okay to leave Charlie* for Mark*--How do I know if Mark* would leave his pain in the ass girlfriend for me? Especially since I have a kid now?Thanks for ANY advice!@}~~~
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): serpico:
I cant marry this man- I was ready to leave him for mark* until i found out i was pregnant so i thought Id give it another try. I cannot marry him though because I do not beleive in divorse and the only way to avoid a divorse is not to marry the wrong man!!
His religious beleifs are extreme and I cannot conform to them and my childhood dreams will never come true with him. He is good to our daughter now but for the first 2.5 years he was a terrible daddy. He even lashed out on me on his first fathers day for asking him to stop waht he ws doing and hold his baby instead!! This post, i guess leaves that out--
Its fair to mention i guess, that I CANNOT and WILL NOT EVER marry Charlie* Whether it be Mark* or some other man- the only way I will marry is if it someone NOT like Charlie* I do love Charlie as a best friend, but just have trouble seeing him as any more than that.
I know now though, that somehow I've got to sacrifice my happiness for my childs well being. Just not sure how much longer I can keep up the act. I not a professonal actress and often I find myself broken down in tears over this situation.....at least since the day I found out I was pregnant...
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (7 January 2011):
Crazy idea - how about "husband" before "baby daddy?"
You'd be surprised how most of these issues would be simpler then.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): This is the asker:
Out of all of the replies, you all said to stay with Charlie*. I suppose I knew all along this was the right thing I just needed to have the cloud cleared up.
Thank you all so much for replying! you have all helped me make the right decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): Tell Charlie of your feelings for Mark.
He will make your decision for you.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 If it is the romance and the chivalry you are attracted to, why not try and bring that into your current relationship? If Charlie loves you, why not try and fight for this to the very end? I am sure if Charlie thinks anything of this family he will be willing to at least try for you? That way you do not have to tear this family apart for something doubtful. Mark is with his girlfriend for a reason.
In my opinion though, it does sound as though you feel no love towards Charlie, it seems as though you are only with him because he treats you well and is the father of your child which is all well and good but, is that fair to him? Especially now when you are contemplating another relationship with someone else. Your daughter makes matters a little more delicate to deal with, slightly more complex too. The slightest wrong move could destroy everything so be careful. I suppose what I am really urging you to do is try to talk to your current boyfriend, tell him how you have been feeling so he has a chance to work on it, knowing that he is doing it for you.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Mark has a girlfriend, he has been with her for three years, so what if she treats him horrible, he must like it to stay with her for so long ...
I dont understand why you would even consider breaking up your family, especially when you say your partner is a GOOD man, for something you dont even know exists.
Your time with Mark is done and dusted, and you should leave it in the past where it belongs and concentrate on building a good future for your daughter and your partner.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): Lets turn this around.If this was someone else writing this problem to you,what answer would you give them?
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A
female
reader, Piki  +, writes (6 January 2011):
Wow, this is abit of a dilemma for you. What I can say is yes, we all think that the grass is greener on the other side and even though you were with 'Mark' for 4-5 months, that would have been the honeymoon phase.
And I don't mean to be mean, but if you do end up leaving 'Charlie', is Mark ready to be a stepdad? In a way you are jelous of 'Marks' girlfriend as she is the one who has him at the end of the day and obviously he is still with her for a reason.
Just think about the long term repercussions before you make a decision that will affect your whole family because of what 'Mark' may be able to offer. I think that you and 'Charlie' need to communicate more. Do more spontaneous things EG have a date night, go for a walk along the beach, watch a movie/DVD together as a family.
All the best :-)
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 My advice is: stay with your baby's father in your family as it is now. Let your child have her parents together. You don't even know if this other guy is available (well, I guess his girlf would say he isn't!) and there will be all SORTS of trouble if you try to make a play for him. Not to mention hurting your current partner and distabilising your child's life.
I think there is too much to risk. So keep this other guy as a warm memory.
I am saying that, but I know you might find that hard to do. But just remember: the grass is always greener on the other side. You think this other guy is perfect, but he too might be lazy or have other faults after 8 years together. That is what happens. Something wouldn't be perfect, for sure. And you risk SO MUCH emotional pain and disruption. And maybe he won't even leave her for you - so you will have wrecked your own life and still not have him. Don't do it. Love what you have. Not worth it.
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