A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I know I am going to get a lot of negative comments about this, but I would like a suggestion nevertheless: I am just out of this thank god short relationship with a guy who clearly falls in the commitment phobe category, lots of push and pull, putting obstacles in the relationship since the beginning but searching me all the time etcI felt very bad about the experience, not just because I liked him but because I had an extremely traumatizing experience with a commitment phobe before (my first), after which I spent two years reading about commitment phobia. Then the other day I had an inspiration and I thought: why not give this guy some books about commitment phobia? This guy-the last one-behaved like a jerk to me but didn't seem like a jerk in general, is into self development, so maybe there is one tiny hope that he will read those books and stop being a jerk? I have absolutely no interest in seeing this guy again, but I would really like to improve my karma, and I think I have some good tools to share. Do you think he is going to hate me and seek revenge? If you are not completely against the idea, what do you think should be the most effective way to give him the books? Calm, heartfelt, not smiling, smiling? Somehow I have this superstitious thought that if I convert one jerk, then the Gods or whoever will send me a good man.. I simply want to give him the books and never ever see him again. Do you think this is just hopeless?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 Karma is in the subconscious :).
Don't try changing other people- change yourself.
A good question to ask yourself would be, for instance, how come that after a bad experience with a committment-phobe- the next guy I end up with is another committment -pfobe ? What could it be that draws me to a kind of man - or draw them to me - with this particular issue ?..
If it is an issue, then. I mean, a guy who shuns committment is not necessarily morally or emotionally flawed, maybe he just chose what works best for his happiness, i.e. staying uncommitted . BUT , since you are not happy with this kind of choice, ...then it's you that you have to change YOUR karma ,which makes you waste time
over unsuitable / unavailable partners.
Does this make any sense to you.......?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfor the sake of knowledge: commitment phobia is a pathological condition, that only few men have it, that makes the person behave in really crazy ways, one second pulling away and the other running back, it is really easy to distinguish between commitment phobes and guys who don't want to commit (which is perfectly fair :-) the only reason why I didn't have the books sent at home is that he wouldn't give me his home address..
http://menwhocantlove.com/ that book feels like a horror movie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh god, no! I wrote very clearly that I don't want commitment from this guy, honestly, I don't even like him that much, and I honestly wish I will never see him again after the way he treated me. The time I reckon I should spend on him is the 10 minutes to give him the books and then refuse to engage in conversation with him ever (ok, for the next couple of years at least). But yes, you are right, at some point even the creeps change when they are ready, so I have nothing to do with it. And then they behave like jerks only to the ones who are not right, not to everybody? So they are not technically "evil"? Food for thought.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (7 April 2011):
I don't believe in karma, nor do I believe in God. I don't even believe in my own shadow. And yet I think you could give him the books just for his own good. And that shouldn't harm you nor him. In fact I guess he could benefit from the reading. But only if his mind is open.
I guess you will end up finding a good man —no matter if you succeed in converting him—, as long as you keep trying.
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (7 April 2011):
What do you mean with commitment phobia?
I think many many guys out there have that.
On my part, it is more a phobia of not being able to support a family with my current economic situation.
Why don't you just leave the book on his mail box, and then run away?
It is hard to make someone else read a book anyways.
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