A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do people come back from being friends?My girlfriend had a hard time dealing with me being away for a period of time and I will be for a few more months.She told me she needed time to herself and that she couldn't deal with a relationship right now. At the same time as she told me she loved me she also told me that for now she thought it was just best for us to just be friends. I think she's just trying to protect herself and shield herself from being hurt rather than her having lost interest in me but I just hate those words.I wonder if there is any coming back from a situation like that. If we were to go ahead as just friends in our own separate places do you think we could rekindle and get back together a few months down the road, once we were in the same geographical place, or would we just be stuck in a weird "friend" place, one person hoping the other not and everyone awkward. Prior to our separation, which btw had nothing to do with the relationship and everything to do with the logistics of life and international law, we had been living together. Coming back from being friends I imagine I'd have to find a place of my own and we'd have to start everything again... or maybe not but I don't know. I feel like I have a burden of proof on me to show her she isn't going to get hurt from being with me and putting her faith in me.I imagine the cases are as different as they are many so I guess all I'm really after is does anyone know any stories like this were it was successful.I fear if there is no hope for this that while it is easier for her to cope as being friends it would be easier for me to just cut the strings all together as I can't be led along on false hope.
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female
reader, Lia +, writes (23 March 2007):
 I have been in your situation (well, obviously the details were a bit different). But maybe it will help you to hear what happened with me? A few years ago I was dating a guy for a few weeks and then out of the blue he told me that he's not ready for a relationship and we should just be friends. So we did and it was hard for a long time because as you mentioned there's always that hope. Every time you see the person, you think that maybe this time they will have that AHA! moment and realize that they should be with you. I hate to say it, but it was just a waste of time for me. Me and this guy are friends now, but looking back I see that i wasted my time because I was clinging onto the hope for so long. We both now have our own relationships going and are truly only friends. I believe that if someone really loves you they will want to be with you, even if they think they're 'unready'. I don't believe there's such a thing! On the other hand, some couples do split up, become friends and then realize that they want to be together again. But you've got to ask yourself if you're keen on waiting around for that to happen, especially if it's hard on you to be in this situation. It's not easy to see someone in a romantic way then suddenly have to 'flip the switch' and see them as just a friend - how does one do that? What can also happen is you might find that the new friendship becomes the norm and one (or both) of you might not want to go back to how things were. The only thing you can do is suss it out with time. Perhaps try out the friendship thing and see how it goes. But don't wait around for her to take you back (trust me on this!) - try to live your life because you can't waste your time waiting around. Hope is one thing, but it can easily leak into denial, so keep a watchful eye on it ;) And my suggestion is that if it's too painful to keep the friendship going, then it's best to cut the strings and make a clean break.
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