A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago I moved because of a job opportunity. The job was for 6 months originally, so I rented a place for just the 6 months. I was offered to continue at the job, which is great. But I still need to move in a few months because my current place was only available for 6 months. I have a boyfriend and we've been talking about moving in together. We've been together for a little less than a year, and in addition the last 8 months have been long distance. This summer he will move to the same city I live in.Would it be crazy to move in together right away? In my head it makes sense to move in together right away, and save the money and the headache of moving over and over. But he is hesitant because we've been long distance for a while and it will be a big change. He wants a couple of months where we are in the same city, before we move in together. But these couple of months would cause me to either have to pay over my budget for an apartment, or having to move after just a few months in a new place. Any good ideas? Would it be okay to ask him to help with the bills if I am to rent an apartment big enough for the two of us, even if he will not move in for a few months? Or should I get a smaller place that I can afford on my own, but that will be too small for the both of us?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 April 2013):
 I think your bf is right to hesitate, you have been together IRL about 3 and a half months - plus 8 months long distance - it's really too early to take a step like living together, when you are basically at the beginning of getting to know each other and functioning as a couple.
I don't see why you could not rent your own small place, and he rent his own small place, and then, if and when you decide TOGETHER that you are ready to share a place, move both into a bigger one.
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (6 April 2013):
 Reading your post, it appears to me that your leading reason for wanting to move is financially motivated. I have seen this happen a few times.....the woman wants to cut her living costs and chooses to live with her boyfriend for convenience, followed by love. 9/10 times those relationships fail. Living together is serious business and it's a BIG change. I wouldn't recommend living together to anyone in a relationship, unless you're very committed and actively taking steps towards marriage. There is no point in dealing with the annoying day-to-day realities, annoyances and bickering if you're just boyfriend and girlfriend."Would it be okay to ask him to help with the bills if I am to rent an apartment big enough for the two of us, even if he will not move in for a few months?"Nope. Why should he pay or help you pay for an apartment that he doesn't live in? You have no guarantee that he will move in after a few months. For all you know, he may not move in at all. His "few months" maybe 8 months, or a year, so why waste money on something that may or may not happen? Why spend money and go into debt over something that is not definitive? And if he is telling you that he doesn't want to love together NOW, then you need to take this 2 bedroom idea completely out of the equation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): I agree. If he's hesitant about moving in together, it's best that you don't press the issue.
Often, subconsciously, people attempt to corner another person into a relationship by moving in with them. This should be a mutual decision. You want to be closer to him, and that is understandable. He isn't ready.
It all sounds practical, but there is a hint of manipulation going on. Wait until you both reach a more stable and decided point where you're going professionally, as well as romantically.
Take your time to be sure your job situation remains secure; and allow yourself to get to know this guy better, and how he really feels about you.
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A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (6 April 2013):
 If your boyfriend is hesitant about moving in together, I don't think it's safe to press the issue. I understand budgets need to be followed, and that moving is a pain, but if you're going to live together both of you need to be comfortable with this.
My advice would be, move into another place of your own when you need to, swallow the costs that may be involved with this, but don't jeopardize your relationship for the sake of saving money. Moving in together at this point has "BAD IDEA" written all over it, in my opinion.
Best of luck,
masq
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