A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It's been over a year since we started going out. Within that time, I broke up and made up with her, 3 or 4 times. She could never stop calling me or wanting to be with me and I would give in, and return. We knew each other for 10 years prior to our relationship, and I was extremely happy to go out with her after all that time. I always left her cause I knew I could never accept her package in the future and that she is not what I pictured as my wife. Basically I'm unsure if this is true love or lust, and my question is would I get over her if she had left me alone after I broke up with her, or is she using psychology to keep me in her life by not letting go? God knows I've tried.
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 Hi
Could be the length of time she has had you in her life that makes her not want to let go.
We have all at some point, well, usually all, been in relationships that we let ourselves be manipulated back into after we call a halt.
That usually happens because at the time we dont want to be alone.
But like someone else said, thats not a healthy reason to be in the relationship.
I dont have any doubt that if she had left you alone, you would of moved on long before now. Its like stoking a fire that would go out if you left it alone.
Personally i think we all need some length of time after splitting with someone, with no contact with them, before friend work. It could even be years, then after that, you manage to be friends. Usually by then everyone has moved on anyway, and you dont really want or need to be friends.
But only time will tell. If you really dont want to be with her, and know it wont work, end it, be strong, keep some distance, try not to care what she's doing because, if you 2 dont work, why should you care if she's with someone else. You dont want her to grow old lonely right?Then you will realise you had a life before she came along, and you will have one after.
C xxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): One of the measures of an unhealthy relationships is having it be on and off for so many times....this is unhealthy for many reasons....it isn't really a relationship at all, it is too dependent people clinging on to each other for sex or because you can't deal with being alone between partners....People need to be comfortable being alone with their own company, it is important to take a time out between relationships to heal and figure out what you want ....
I don't have to know anything else about the two of you to say the above...she isn't using psychology, she is dependent on you, not in love....if you want to be truly free of this unhappy relationship then have no more contact with her ever again, and tell her to leave you alone for good....it would be better for her as well.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 March 2008):
 Now ask yourself this. If it was "true love", would you be asking this question now? Of course not, because you would know for sure. True love really doens't include anything other than what it is. If it was, it wouldn't be questioned.
She's not using psychology. Not letting go is not psychology, it's based out of a desire, or a want, not a psychiatric issue or disorder. You say she won't let go, and you say you give in. Truthfully is there really much difference?
In order to solve this, you need to make a decision about what you want. Stick by your decision. You don't have to be an ass to her, but be firm. If it's ending the relationship, be firm. Tell her how you feel, then stick by what you tell her. Don't give in. She's learning how to play you by you giving in. Just like a child, people learn how far they can go and generally push it to that limit.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 i think that if you have broken up with this woman so many times - then you dont really want to be with her. it doesnt really sound like you are happy about getting roped back into a relationship every time you do. take a break from her, and dont have any contact with her for a while, give yourself some time. i think that this is really wat you need to figure out how you really feel about her.
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