A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Sorry this is long But i really need help on this so please need advice,my bf of 4 weeks ive known him for nearly 2 months, told me weds nite that he still has really strong feelings for his ex gf also the mother of his child,they split up around 8 weeks ago,He said if she asked him back he would go back, i kinda knew that he still has strong feelings for her as they where together for 5yrs and before that he keept going back to her after he finished with his then gfs,the thing is his whole family and mates hate her and would never forgive him if he did go back to her this time as shes not the nicest of people Also the thing is im sticking by him untill she does ask him back,he did tell her how he felt and he said she said nothing, I like him a lot, and the thing is he really likes me to and i belive him he also said he felt like a c**t for lying about his ex to me eventho i knew from the beginning, we where both in tears over this the other nite,im trying to help him but its now the in back of my mind all the time he goes and sees his kid and its everynite,Do you also think he would go back for just the kid or as he really does like her as he said hes never been happier to his sister and mate,PLZ,PLZ HELP
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 HI Sweetie,
I think that he has gotten way to involved in a new relationship WAY too quickly, considering that he only very recently broke it off with his ex. I actually feel that he was being very unfair to you to have gotten involved with you under these circumstances, so if he is feeling guilty, I think he has good reason.
I have to say that I think that the single most important thing is the child. I know that he's gotten his heart involved with you, and you have gotten your heart involved with him, but the child should come first. If he is wavering and has told you that he STILL has feelings for his ex, they do owe it to there child to try to work things out. Put yourself in the child's position. Wouldn't you want your parents together?
Even if family and mates have made comments about how much better off he is with you, I think the honorable thing to do here is remove yourself from the triangle. He has been with her for five years, he's got a child, he doesn't know where his heart is, and he's only been with you for 4 weeks. It's hard, but I think that you could be in for a lot more heartache further down the road if he isn't sure about what he wants. You will ALWAYS have his ex and their child in your life regardless, they are always going to be a package deal. If you still think that you can live in a relationship where you might always wind up coming in second, this may or may not work for you. It can also wind up getting WAY more complicated if you have children together and then have to share his time. I know that none of this is what you wish to hear, but the writing is on the wall. Sorry to be harsh, I can tell that you are hurting, but I think it would be easier to leave before your heart is any more involved in this triangle. You deserve to be with someone that you don't have to share.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Oh dear. This is a really hard one, because it sounds like he is going to find it almost impossible to break from her, even if you are altogether better. He needs time to bond with you and break away from her, but seeing his kid every day (and so seeing her too) isn't going to do that - and of course he needs to see his kid as much as possible.
8 weeks isn't long, either.
I think you just need to keep being there for him, being yourself, having a great time with him, and telling him you understand. Have to say that if he himself says he wants to go back, though, he most probably will. Jeez. Sorry. Just enjoy him while he's there, and see what happens. Couldn't his kid visit at your house, so you and him together? That would start a new little unit, and might help him unlatch from the ex girlfriend.?
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