A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've been in a relationship for 4 years now. We're currently apart (since last August) because of work reasons. Since being apart I have been looking at other women having the urge to ask them out on dates. In some cases I have asked. Is there something that I should be concerned with - with regards to my relationship with my girlfriend? Please advise.Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Something like 8 months apart is a long time - and I know exactly how you feel from my own past experience. In my case it wasn't possible to have the odd weekend away with with wife because I was in the Far East and she in the UK.
Yes, temptation got the better of me but it was a kind of 'detached from reality' situation. I guess at the time I thought that what she didn't know about wouldn't bother her.
You may be able to detach your infidelity from the relationship you have with your wife, but it won't be easy. It'll always be in the back of you mind that you were a naughty boy and it could easily affect your marriage.
If possible, I'd say have a break from the job if you can, and spend some quality time with your wife to reaffirm the bond you have with her and cement your relationship further - maybe a romantic hotel break somewhere.
You may be able to hide things from your wife, but there's no way you can hide them from yourself. And yes, this is something for you to be concerned about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Your temptation is because you miss your girfriend. It is a normal human feeling, but can ruin a relationship that otherwise would have been the best for you.
I've been in this situation myself, I was only able to last 3 months where change was needed immediately, or I would break. I had a wife and two kids. I struggled with this while away from them, working at the only job I could find. Traveling back and forth was not an option because of the stress and strain it had on me (sometimes a 4 hour trip one way).
When it gets this bad, it is time to discuss the future and make arrangements and sacrifices to move closer or together. This is the best solution I think.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 I do see a reason for concern here, but not for you. Your girlfriend should be very concerned, because you're being unfaithful.
Why do you feel inclined to ask someone else out? Will your girlfriend stay away for long? How is your relationship going?
A long distance relationship is not for everyone. If you just can't accept life without dating, now that she's away, I would suggest that you leave her. It would be best for you and, specially, for her.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 hey - well i think you need to sit down and and think about whether or not you really do want to be with her. long distance relationships are difficult and the ppl involved need to be completely committed to eachother. if you are not ready to have this kind of relationship then i think that you should reconsider what you are doing. its not fair to put your gf through this if you dont truly love her - because my guess is this is very hard for her too. do you get to see eachother often? maybe you could take a break for a while and give eachother time to see how you both feel about this. there is a reason why you are lusting after other women, and you need to figure out whether its out of loneliness and boredom, or whether its because you dont actually love her. if you want any more help, email me, good luck, laura xxx
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