A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a weird situation. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years 4 months. We've had our ups and downs, like any couple, and he's a really sweet guy in most circumstances. We have lived together since February. We moved into a small apartment and I haven't had many complaints. However, we both want to go back to college (we have degrees in graphic design) and want to pursue other majors - even if it means four more years of schooling. For financial reasons, we've opted to move back in with our own parents. I was originally intended to move in with him at his parents, but I just couldn't take the constant booming surround sound on top of my boyfriend's surround sound, plus their five yapping dogs that bark at a pin drop. Anyhow, I've noticed my boyfriend seems a bit more excited about it than I. My logic is that I'll be fine, but it'll be weird at first, getting used to not having him around more than a couple days a week and waking up next to him. Last night, we were taking a short walk when he casually revealed that he couldn't help but feel happy about the aspect of sitting alone in his room, that it'd be nice to have more time and space to himself because our apartment was just too small for the both of us. He said that it'd be fine once we got a big house together in the future because I'd be able to go in one room and do whatever and he'd be able to be in another. He also said he continually feels obligated to entertain me so being by himself just excites him.He said this very casually, as though it were nothing of concern, and perhaps it isn't - to him. But to me, I have a hard time fathoming a relationship where 90% of your time is spent apart. It also makes me sort of feel like just another friend - I'll be there when he wants me around on his watch. I know he's always been kind of the lone wolf, but this still sort of confused me - especially after a similar scenario a while back. He said he just needed a little more time to himself after work. So, I would go into the bedroom, shut the door and read or something. No big deal until he told me later that I've become part of his routine and it'd be weird not having me around. Which statement is more accurate?He also has a tendency to speak prematurely. He'll blurt out something, then realize he didn't mean it - he almost severed one of his friendships that way. My biggest concerns are that he would be happier by himself, without me. I love him dearly and if it meant removing myself from the picture to keep him happiest, I'd do it. I'm also concerned for my own happiness. I'm not sure what the future holds, and if he does just want to be alone 90% of the time, I'm not sure I see much of a point. I also am afraid of bringing this all up with him because if not having me around ISN'T what he wants, I don't want to push the idea into his head somehow. I don't want to act prematurely, but I don't want to dig deeper into something that will lead to unhappiness later, either.I'm not entirely sure what to do or how to approach it without creating an awkward situation.
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissFixIt  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 This is definitely a sensitive issue, but unfortunately the reality is that without asking him how he feels you will never know. I know that it's scary when you care for someone so much but you need to think positively and tell him that your concerned. If theres one thing i've learned it's that boys arent exactly the most sensitive of creatures when it comes to matters like this, maybe he has some hidden concerns too? If you are serious about your relationship and truly care for him then its best for both parties if you sit down and have a little heart to heart, my other half loves his own space, just being in a relationship doesnt mean you are joined at the hip and certainly doesnt mean that if you spend time apart that you dont care for one another. take my advice, talk things out and i'm sure you will feel much better, remember i'm always here for any more advice!
|
