A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm an 18 year old virgin.A girl I know, who is a close friend of mine, has said she will have sex with me if I want, so I can gain experience. I really like her, and I wouldn't say no, if you get me. But she's one of my closest friends and I don't know if sex would make things awkward between us. On the other hand, the sex could be ideal for a first time because there'd be no pressue cos we'd know we'd be friends afterwards...What does everyone think I should do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hope you're not implying I don't value our friendship...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): Again.. this is definitely not the only option. You are 18. Not having had a gf/bf at that age is common. You might get one very soon for all you know. Also, that one sleep over with this friend of yours will not make you that much more experienced. It takes several times to get sex right and actually learning a bit. The fact that your friend is about to up and leave tells me she just wants a last piece of fun before she leaves, and probably wouldn't have offered to have sex with you if it wasn't because she's about to leave.
If the only reason you want to do this is because you claim it's your only chance, I am sorry but I think you might regret it later on. You will definitely have more chances. Then on the other hand, if you don't care about the friendship and just want to get laid...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I take your point. But I've kinda realised that I'm gonna find love as such so this is the only option for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): Its not your last chance! Just because she leaves and you wont be able to have sex with her for that obvious reason, is no need to jeopardize a good friendship. You will have chances with other woman, would you not prefer being with someone who is there for you, than someone who doesnt care about you in that way and is going to leave as well? I think you will end up hurting yourself because you could get emotionally attached to her and then when she is gone you will be miserable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI reckon I'm gonna go for it. She's off to Ireland in a few months, so it's my last chance if I'm gonna take it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): on my own opinion,do not accept her idea to have sex with you even you had intimate feelings toward her.might be, She just want to have a play or a game with you to satisfy her fantasy. if she really a closest friend, she will not ask that kind of idea. friends are caring each other. if you feel something beyond from your relationship as a friend, why don't you tell her about your feelings towards her? be a man! and if she also like you, well that would be nice...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help, guys. I'm kinda torn between doing it and not. She seems genuinely very cool and relaxed about it cos she had experience and obviously, I haven't.
Part of me thinks I'd rather have her in my life as a friend then make a mess up of the sex situation and lose her.
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A
female
reader, curious0hot  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 I don't think starting a no-strings-attached relationship with your closest friend is a good idea. It will also make things awkward if and when you get a girlfriend. Someone who would normally be "just a friend", is now your first lover.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): You can't really tell. It is a risk you take if you decide to have sex with her, because it can change things. I've had sex with friends of mine, and it always changed things and we stopped being friends.
Often with sex you see, you get very very intimate. You can't hardly ever have sex, without it meaning something on other areas than just the physical. Especially if it's with a friend. You will see sides of her, and she will see sides of you, that others haven't. For many, sex is a very intimate thing, and creates a special bond between the two people having sex. In particular this concerns women, we tend to develop feelings of a deeper level to the one we have sex with.
What I learned with my two sexual encounters with friend is that 1: I wanted more, I felt closer to him than just a friend, I wanted to be closer to him in other areas as well than just the physical part, although I didnt desire a relationship. I got clingy I guess, or at least I wanted more than he could offer, and so I started to resent him when I found out we really didn't match up well and there was no other "depth" to our relationship than the sex.
2: the other friend I had sex with, he became obsessed with me. It scared me away pretty fast, he sent me e-mails declaring his lust for me, nasty texts and in general lost his grip on the "friend"-part of things. He stopped being a friend and just wanted me to please him instead. I told him after the first time that I didn't want to have sex with him again, because I didn't like it, but he was asking me for it still.
So there are dangers to it. In both cases we had agreed beforehand that things would never go further than being friends and having casual sex. But the friendships weren't good enough I suppose, or having sex just changes things, because both parts aren't always at the same page of expectations. Your friend might be like me, and want special treatment and attention afterwards. Or she can be like the other friend of mine, extremely clingy. Or you might change and be clingy. If she has sex with you one time, and doesnt want it again, would you be able to settle with that? It could feel like being rejected, that you werent good enough.
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