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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm a bit angry right now. I just broke up with my boyfriend. Reason being that he had trust issues with me and my past, for the record in the past I wasn't a slut (although he thinks I was) and well, I gave oral sex to a guy we both know (I stopped talking to that guy... well I gave him the BJ BEFORE I met my now ex boyfriend).The thing is he didn't trust me after that and started thinking the worst about me, that I was a slut, that I'd fooled him, and that I would cheat. Actually, in his twisted mind I think he already felt cheated on, although everything he got angry about and complained about had happened well before I even started dating him. He never told me this, but he always treated me and talked to me about those facts as if I had cheated on him... I almost felt like he thought I had given the other guy the BJ while I was dating him, whereas I had given it to the other guy like 2 years before I even met him (my ex bf).Well, now I broke up with him, because he got secretive about his internet history and everything. He knows porn for me was an issue, and I was understanding about it even if I didn't like it, I just wanted it to be in the open. Well, the thing is, he practically forced me to tell him everything he wanted to know about the past, whenever he wanted to. If he asked I had to tell him, if I didn't then I wasn't being a "good girlfriend" and how could I expect him to trust me if I didn't tell him? That I had no right to keep secrets from the past from him. So even if I didn't remember something (since everything happened SO LONG AGO) I had to make a huge effort to remember and tell him. Even when I told him I hated remembering the past and talking about it, that I worked so hard to move on and let it got and start afresh, he still made me remember.Well, yesterday I wanted to see his history, but he deleted it. Fine. Today he started complaining about the past again, asking question after question. I answered all of them calmly and honestly. Then I ask him one simple question about the type of porn he was watching and hiding from me, and he refused to talk about it. He told me I was nagging him too much and he was sick of me and my nagging. He said "Take it or leave it... I won't ever talk to you about it, just take it or leave it". So I left it. I feel it's unfair that I had to be so open about such an uncomfortable and private topic of mine, yet he couldn't do the same. He always talked about how building trust was important, and how in order for him to trust me that I had to tell him everything. Well, if trust was so important then why couldn't he do the same?I'm so angry right now... what can I do? I definitely have to talk to him again because he borrowed some of my stuff that I'm gonna need back. I just really want closure and I still want him to answer my questions since I had to tell him every private detail about my past and I feel it's unfair.
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broke up, move on, oral sex, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): If two people love and care for each other, trust will exist in the relationship. From what you wrote I don't think he ever trusted you. You are clearly better off without him. If you must talk to him to get your stuff back, fine. Otherwise you shouldn't bother with him at all, it's not worth your time.
However I will add that men who "act" the way yours did (when it comes to the internet), often are hiding something they think will embarrass them. How much do you want to bet he was watching gay porn?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): this guy is an idiot, if he cant trust u then there is no point of being with him, if he is so concered about trust and wants to know everything about you then it should work both ways. Just dont pay this guy any attention he is just messed up in his head. Leave him and you will find a guy that treats u better and can actually trust u
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): You are right to leave this guy, he sounds like no good and only a bother and a waste of time.
Try not to bother with him. He isnt worth it. Grieve over the relatiosnhip like normal, but stop contact with him right after you get your things back. It could help to bring a friend along when you have to collect your belongings.
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A
female
reader, dorothy2342  +, writes (31 January 2010):
 I think your past sex life is no ones business but yours and I would have told him so. I think there are some things that he would need to know, such as if you worked in the porn industry, if you were a prostitute, if you were bisexual, if you have an std or aids, or if you were unfaithful in your relationships. The only reason I can see for not wanting you to see his web history is because of the type of porn he is viewing, ie: child porn or gay porn. It might not be the porn he is trying to hide, it might be something like facebook or a relationship internet dating site. He is obviously jealous and probably has low selfesteem and trust issues. Next time remember most men cant handle the truth and they really don't want to know it. They want to feel like you are an inexperienced little angel even if they are not themselves. Forget about him, learn from your mistake and move on. Good luck.
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