A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I would love some advice on a situation I have at the moment.Not long ago, I moved to a new area and have got myself a job and really settled well. Since starting I have noticed a girl at work who I really like and get on with.Not long after getting to know her I found out (through my conversations with her) she was married. This surprised me because I was getting the impression she liked me too.We have spoken quite a lot about various things but she tells me a lot about home and things that seem to have gone and are going wrong. Her marriage doesnt seem the happiest and I get the impression isnt going to improve.She flirts with me quite a bit (she touches me when we're talking, she laughs at my awful (and they are awful) jokes - excessively so sometimes -, I sometimes catch her looking at me, she asks me about any girlfriends, she tells me about her past boyfriends, she sometimes asks me things I know she knows answers to just so she can talk to me... I could go on.)But I sometimes get the feeling she is only doing those things to lead me on, thinking that I fancy her, just to laugh at me.I'm not sure if that's what's happening or if my low self-confidence and self esteem are getting the better of me.I'd love to know if she likes me in any way, or if it's all my imagination. I know she's married and would hope that I would never take anything forward, but I feel really attracted to her and I get on so well with her.Would a woman really lead someone on knowing they were taking the piss out of me for a laugh, or is this my low self confidence?thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a quick update to say thanks to everyone who has taken time out to reply.
With the situation as it is I cant really talk to many people, so thankyou to everyone who has repied to me... with some very good advice, and pointing things out I hadnt really sat down and considered.
I think I just need to get my head into us being friends and leave it there. If anything further down the line arises then thats for then.
Thanks all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): Shes probably not laughing at you or taking the p*ss. If things arent good for her at home and she can talk to you, that probably makes her feel better for a while. Thats not to say she fancies you, just that she is enjoying a bit of male attention and flirting, which is what she seems to be doing.Things could become a bit messy if you start growing feelings for her. Remember shes married and lots of married folk have a moan about their other halves! If i were you, id back off a little. Keep friendship as your main goal and dont look for anything more. It could lead to a messy end otherwise and people getting hurt. Shes a big girl and if shes REALLY not happy at home, she should be telling her husband and sorting things out. Not using work mates for flirting/massaging her ego and off loading onto. Its rather cowardly of her and not really fair on people such as yourself.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (11 March 2011):
"Would a woman really lead someone on knowing they were taking the piss out of me for a laugh, or is this my low self confidence?"
There are some women who can do that, and other would never do that. So there isn't a real answer.
I guess you have to come straight to her and tell her what you think. Not something easy to do, but the only thing I guess would work.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (11 March 2011):
 This is a disaster on a number of fronts. For a start, work is never the place to play around. I know lots of people meet their partners that way, but it is risky and if it goes wrong then it gets awkward over the photocopier. While she may fancy you...think about her husband and stand in his shoes for a moment. If you were married to her and she was off at working flirting with random blokes, how would you feel? You may think she is gorgeous but she doesn't sound like a great potential girlfriend. Would you be able to trust her with other men? Would you like to be dragged into a messy divorce if that is where her marriage is heading. There are plenty of girls who are single and would like you for YOU. Steer away from danger!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 She could be an energy vampire who feeds off other people's admiration of her. She could be slightly bored at work and has found a willing conversational partner. She might be making fun of you, or she could have low self-esteem herself and is using you to boost her self-confidence.
I would urge you to back away from her nicely, she may be a terrible gossip and anything you tell her in confidence may be shared with her next conversational partner. You're new there and may not have assessed the situation yet.
Also, if you grow close to her, you may be giving off the impression that you two are having an affair to your co-workers, even if nothing of the sort has transpired between you. You are also closing off yourself off to potentially more suitable dates if you get too caught up in fantasizing about this woman. Putting yourself on a shelf, so to speak, and that would be a shame.
I'd try to think about the effect your friendship might have on your career or work environment. Just become aware that the signals you are giving off are being read by more than just this woman.
Good luck with your job and in sorting yourself out. Low self-esteem is a crummy thing to suffer with, what are you doing to help yourself feel more confident?
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A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (10 March 2011):
 I don't think she's doing it to laugh at you. It sounds like she is attracted to you, if there's chemistry, which it sounds like there is, there's no denying it.
She is seeking comfort in you, by talking to you about her bad home life. She may also like the chemistry or the buzz between you guys because it's 'naughty' i.e. not what she should be doing, should be feeling that way to her husband but doesn't.
Steer clear though if I were you, this could have trouble written over it!
Best wishes xxxx
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