A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi. im a girl who doesnt like having boy friends i am to much a free bird i usually have casual sex - no string relationship, and im a member of swingers club..anyways theres this guy who i met and he is really really sweet i dont usually talk or chat like this with guys..but i did and cant stop..i think ive fallen a bit for him which scares me..we only talk he sms me we email each other..he is really nice and gentle...now i know i need to tell him i can see hes intrested and i dont know how to say it.. im afraid to lose him but i know its wrong to not tell him and that i should of told him at the begining. would a man run away from a girl like me? how should i put it to him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): I agree with walkingdude, I'd slowly introduce these details in conversation as not being a big deal.
If he doesn't like these things or can't handle them then it's better you find out now rather than have your heart broken later the more you fall for him. I wouldn't go into detail at all, he doesn't need to know numbers or what kind of sex you've done, although being a swinger says it all really.
Please don't be offended or by any means consider my opinions as normal or what other guys would feel but I wouldn't want to be with a swinger as it would in my mind mean sex for them is just a physical act that any guy can have with them. I would not be okay sharing my girl with anyone else and the fact they feel so casual about sex would make me a bit paranoid that sex with me meant nothing more than physical pleasure, it means so little that they'd have no problem cheating because it wouldn't be a big deal to them. I also wouldn't be okay being a reason that holds them back from that. If that's how they want to live their life fine but if I thought I was the reason they weren't doing that anymore and that they felt they weren't allowed to express themselves sexually the way they like to I wouldn't feel good about that at all.
I'd have absolutely no problem having casual sex or an open relationship with them. But a fully committed monogamous relationship just wouldn't be possible.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): Well you don't need to tell him your sexual history but maybe you should mention being a member of a swingers club. If you don't want to scare him off then i would try to break it to him gentley and show him that you are about more than sex.
It's best to tell him now before things get more serious. I will be honest, some guys might be put off but if you are a fathfull person and he likes you enough then he might not mind about you being a member of one of those clubs. Just don't tell him about the casual sex because he doesn't need to know about that part.
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A
female
reader, Catflap1  +, writes (24 November 2010):
Don't tell him. You don't need to and it shows how swinging may seem innocent but brings pain when you meet someone you like because it waves a red flag over your trustworthiness if you tell. If you know he can trust you, leave it alone. If you want to carry on your life as it is but also see him you could be exposing him to big issues. I hope you protect yourself. You can't have both lives but if you choose him let the past go and don't say anything. When you started swinging I bet you didn't think it would leave you in this position. We all learn. If he is safe to love you, let him and forget the past. Go for a happy and committed relationship. If the time seems right later you can say you have enjoyed an adventurous past but have chosen that you prefer to be with one person. You don't have to name it "swinging" just say "adventurous".
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