A
male
age
36-40,
*nte
writes:hi there..where should i start...ok well i was with my ex-girlfriend for 1 and half years which is quite a long time considering she was my 1st real gf and i was her 1st real bf. everything was great and ran smoothly..the biggest problem in our relationship was that i was of full croatian blood and she was 3/4 serbian and 1/4 croatian because her dad was half. this didnt arise to be much of a problem at the start but then it slowly started to build up. Unfortunetly i can only blame myself beause i should of brought her home from day 1 and things would of been much better and different instead i waited which i should of not done...though my parents never told me to not date her and not bring her over and go to her house they never said that...my mum was alright with iti just think it would of taken the old man a bit more time to process..we had our usually arguments over stupid things that were mended quite quickly...though as of this year start of september we went on a little break so i could sort out my stuff with my parents and so that she could sort out her negativity with a few things... one nite i decided to go for a drive with a friend through the local town..one of my ex girlfriends, friends saw me driving and immediately texted my ex gf, she went bezerk started saying i dont care about i dont love her and that im moving on...i didnt know what to think or say i was angry..then the arguing started and in a couple of days she broke it off with me...we were broken up for 5 days and next thing you know i shes in a new relationship! i didnt think much of it because i thought it was all bullshit to try get back at me...but when a few of my mates were asking what was going and that she (sandra my ex) was in a new relationship it really hit me and i basically lost the plot..all the stuff she use to say to me felt like a lie...she use to say i love you sooo much i cant imagine my life without you and that she wanted to get engaged even married at some point...i was totally gutted and i started texting and calling her..i was soo angry and upset...then when i calmed down after a week or so..she called me to come to her work...she said she dosent know if she can go back with me because i havent done anything to prove to her how much i love her and wanted her back...so basically she said if you want me then fight for me...i chased her for nearly 2 months she lead me on...thinking we'd get back together...she made a fake account on facebook to contact me through and we even talked on msn...even on webcam...the thing that kills me the most is that she said we will set a date to get back togther which she said was december the 1st... but while this was going on she kept saying she needs space i dont understand how you can need space if your with someone else...i was confused, hurt, emotional angry the works...the guy she is with now is of serbian origin... one my friends thinks that my ex wanted/needed something i couldnt give her and that apparently was that she now sees how she'll be accepted by his parents because they are serbian...also one of her friends told me that my ex said her new bf is really nice and is ready to settle down with a serbian girl...i was like wtf... during this peroid of being led on..i bought her a ipod touch and a gold pendant with her name on it...which i dont regret but it still hurts... november the 3rd was the last contact i had with her...she basically ripped my heart at the library in our univerisity... i kept telling her though this ordeal that if she came back to me we would go straight to my place and i would tell me my parents this is more than serious now we really do love each other and you will accept it whether you like or not...but in saying so on november 3rd 2010 she told me she dosent want anything to do with my parents and that she is happy with how she is now and she really likes this new guy shes with...and that she sees me as a friend..i asked her if she loved me her response was a a slight shake of the head as in no and that was the same respone when i asked if she still had feelings for me...the weeks prior to the final one she was saying she does love me but shes unsure if she wants to be with me and still needs space...well i have cut all contact with her and it hurts like hell...i think about her non-stop.. its been 18 days no contact and she has been with her new bf for 2 and a half months... i dont know what to do or think anymore..i.d do anything to get her back.. can things be mended? is there still hope? please i really would like some help as the stages i am at are pure anger and hatred... i am 22 and she is 18.. if that helps in any way...she was 1st first love and i was hers well i hope i was...i still think things can be mended i just feel like i keep hitting a brick wall please help if you can thank you...to add salt to the wound i recently found out my ex gf and her "new bf" are going to bali...is all hope now seriously lost...
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female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (28 November 2010):
 what you're going through, everyone has experience losing their first love. You don't know hurt until your husband of 13 years wake up and tell you that he does not love you and do not respect you anymore. After you worked to put him through school. Then he fights for custody and you are stuck in a city you do not want to be in just to be with your daughter. You lose your home, career, and basically rent a room, working 9-5 trying to make ends meet while putting yourself through school. So honey, you don't know hurt. But the thing is, if I hadn't gone through all those things, I wouldn't have been wise or grown as a person. Through all the pain, I still have hope and faith for a better day.
A
male
reader, Ante +, writes (27 November 2010):
Ante is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni really would like to thankyou for the time you have
spent in helping me through this tough time..though i dont believe she will try to contact me..i mean come on why am io kidding myself by thinking she will msg or call me..she has a new boyfriend..be it rebound or not i cant do anything to change that..soo i find it hard she will contact me considering shes going to bali with him unless they break up..she really did hurt me but theres nothing more i can do..i will take the holiday to croatia i need it..i'll freeze her out completely..drop off the face ov the earth..
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (27 November 2010):
Yes...definitely keep your plans of travel. I believe this will be very good for you. Spend the holiday like you would if you were a single man, because you are. If you ever run into her or her parents in the future, just be civil and polite like you would be with a nice stranger. However, do not open up or let then see your emotions. They will take it as a sign of weakness. Don't be surprise if after no contact from your ex for 5 weeks, your ex will be calling you back and maybe beg you to get together.
The truth is you've been so availabe to her she has gotten use to it. If you take it away, she will wonder why someone is not worshipping her anymore and try to get that back. Don't be fooled though, you have to
really see if she deserves you. So this is my advice
1. Take the trip
2. No contact. Even when she calls do not answer.
3. Let go. Let go of the wonderful memories. Let go of the past. Don't look back, look forward.
4. Focus on yourself. Set goals and spend your time accomplishing it.
Good luck and keep me updated. You can private message me anytime. Take care
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A
male
reader, Ante +, writes (27 November 2010):
Ante is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsappygirl i appreciate your comments i really do..but do u think the best thing to do is completely freeze her and cut contact? i was planning on going to croatia for christmas new years and my birthday i think that would be the best for me to at least get away from western austrlia for at least 5-6weeks.. yes im in denial that im ova her..im not ova her it will take me months..1st love is always the hardest...but wont her feelings surface anytime soon considering she hasnt even delt with our breakup she only has put a bandaid ova her pain..i think dropping out ov site will be the best thing to do..wat do u suggest i do if i c her or her parents? b civil and say hello? but dnt go out ov my way to greet them right?
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (27 November 2010):
If she still had feelings for you, she would have broken up with that guy and get back with you. Don't believe what she says, look at what she does. And all her actions point to the directions that she's leading your on and using you. Probably keep you around so you can buy her more things. I'm sorry. That is not love. Love should be easy, great. Not heartache like this. You need to remove yourself from the pain (which is her) and time will heal your heart.
I am just a stranger and you don't have to take my advice. I am only going on what you've told me. At the end of the day, it's YOUR life. No one is going to make these decisions but you. I think what you are most afraid of is you won't find a girl as great, or as beautiful as her. Maybe you are afraid to be alone. Whatever the case, you need to understand that you can't be with someone that doesn't want you, and I think you are in major denial.
One day you will look back and think, "what was I thinking?" Until then, try to be strong. You can take my advice or not. All I know is life is too short to have all this drama. Go outside and enjoy life. Do thing that will get your mind off of her. If you don't take action to change the situation, then you have no one to blame but yourself.
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A
male
reader, Ante +, writes (27 November 2010):
Ante is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut all i do is cry and cry...this last 3-4 days ive been breaking down uncontrolably..she kissed me a couple ov times becoz she still had feelings for me and she was saying prior to november the 3rd which is the last time we spoke that she loves me and she isnt over me...
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (27 November 2010):
that's definitely the wrong thing to do. You are basically begging on your knees just to have her in your life.
I hate to tell you but after this, I don't know if she will respect you. Afterall, you know she had a boyfriend and you kissed. That tells me that you are willing to take her back after she cheated on her boyfriend. 1st off, what does that tell me. If she can cheat on her boyfriend, she will cheat on you and you still want her. You will take any crumb that she gives you. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to stand up, have some self respect, be a man and walk away. No need for closure letter. And please dont' even be friends. Why do you want to stick around to see who she sleeps and kisses.
You have to learn to let go. Honesetly if this girl really loved you, she would have been with you already. You can't change someone's mind. Her heart is not in it anymore, and yours shouldn't be either.
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A
male
reader, Ante +, writes (26 November 2010):
Ante is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso do you think its possible for a girl to move on within 4-5 days ov breaking up with her 1st real boyfriend of 1.5 years..i believe its all an act...its been 2 and half months now..thats how long shes been with 'him' but she also lead me on 1.5 months while still being with 'him' she cheated on him anyway becoz we kissed a couple ov times..so wat does that say then?
i sent her this message on the 23rd ov november -
Hi sandra how are you? i hope you've been well. just like to say that i have accepted our breakup and would like to establish a friendship with you.I know it wont be easy but we are both adults and can work things out . If it is too soon i completely understand.i kno we didnt exactly end things on good terms but if you would like to talk im more than happy to. I wish you and your family all the best in life..
she hasnt replied..do u think that was the wrong thing to do..i didnt really know wat else i could do..shes basically blocked me out and is ignoring me..
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (26 November 2010):
I understand what you are saying, but the truth is, what's done is done. We all wish we could go back in time and change things in our lives, but that is what life is about. You can't. The best you can do is learn from this.
Also, you have to see that even if you do get her back, it will never be the same like how it was when you two first met. A lot has changed. You will always be working hard to keep her, so she has the leverage and might take advantage of your love. Most men who see their ex with another man will just walk away. She wants you to "fight" for her, but I feel that because she's moved on, then it's not worth fighting for. Right now you don't see it, but i honestly feel that you will meet someone better than her someday. You have to stay strong and keep your dignity. Trust me on this one. Everything happens for a reason and she wasn't the one.
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A
male
reader, Ante +, writes (25 November 2010):
Ante is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsappygirl thankyou for taking your time to respond to my relationship breakup...i understnd where you are coming from..but parents shouldnt play a key part in who there son and daughter should or shouldnt date..its up to the individual..and when i think about it she was dating me not my parents but me..i honestly think she made a big mistake..my mum told me that my dads mum didnt like her at all and didnt speak to her for 3 years! and still they got married and had kids! my parents would ov accepted my x from the beggining if i had brought her ova day 1 and unfortunetly i didnt..we all make mistakes but i really wanted to correct it and kept telling her while the 2 month peroid where i'd thought we would gte bak togther that we would go straight to my house and i would tell me parents this is now more than serious sandra and I really do love each other whether you 2 like it or not you accept it..i'd put my foot down and stand up for myself and the girl i love...i can honestly say if this was the other way round i wouldnt care bout the parents becoz i kno that the girl loves me and thats all that matters!!
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (24 November 2010):
First, you need to calm down. I understand you are very angry at her for what she did. And in a way, you have every right to be. Moving on so quickly hurts because it disrespect the relationship that you had together. You did not properly heal and have closure before seeing the woman you love with another man.
The truth of the matter is this girl is very very young. And from what I read, very immature as well. You are already talking about marraige with this girl and spending the rest of your life with her. First of all, I hate to break it to you but it will never work. As hard as that sound and for you to accept, that is the truth. When you marry someone, every piece of the puzzle should fit. In this case, your parents do not accept her with open arms, and that will cause a huge problem later on. You will always be caught in the middle between your girl and the love you have for your parents.
Now what you have to do is look at your situation from a logical point of view. It is hard, because your emotions are so involved and you are so hurt, angry yet love her at the same time. Well, if you take those feelings aside, you will see that this girl does not want future in laws who will not love her whole heartedly. And she has every right to. This is her life too and she has that choice. The wrong that she did was to jump into another relationship, but you have to chalk that up to a rebound relationship to get over you. (Which most girls do at that age because we don't know any better)
The best advise now is to move on. There is nothing else you can do. You tried to win her back. And if she wanted you back, she would have been with you. So she made her choice. You need to accept it. This is your first love and it hurts as hell, but you will get over it. You will meet many more beautiful women better than your ex. It just takes time. You are way too young too to get so serious.
So keep the no contact. That is the only way to heal. and if she calls and try to get back together. It will be a mistake. It is just her ego wanting to know that you still care, but if you get back, she might lead you on again and hurt you more. good luck.
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