A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would like to hear from you latino guys about this? If you are a white, American girl is it possible that a latino guy will ever take you seriously as a girlfriend? I'm worried that I'll never be happy. I would like to have a boyfriend, but the trouble is that I am attracted to latin guys (particularly Mexican guys) but I am so afraid that a latino guy will never take me seriously as a girlfriend. I'm an American and Floridian, and my ancestors were British and European Spanish but for some reason I'm just not attracted to Anglos. I'm not trying to be mean, but American culture is different. I don't want some guy with a shaved head and pasty skin who watches football and listens to rap music. I want someone who knows how to dance and be romantic and talk to me in Spanish. People accuse me of being racist, but that's so ridiculous. (I'm straight, but I have nothing against lesbians, just not attracted to them, same principle). People say "you'll meet the RIGHT American guy" and of course I have American guy friends... but I'm just not attracted to white American guys as boyfriends. Please don't accuse me of being racist. Sure I've dated white American men, and I've dated African American men, and even a guy that claimed he was Native American... they were nice guys as people and there's nothing wrong with that but the chemistry wasn't there. Latin culture is magical, the music, the language, sensuality and passion and I think the guys just embody that magic. I have always loved Latin culture, I speak Spanish and I went to university in Mexico. I have loads of Mexican guy friends, but every time one of them gets a girlfriend or boyfriend, it's always someone of the same culture. When I tell them I think I'd be a great girlfriend, they just say, "you're really beautiful and smart and you'll meet a wonderful american man who's lucky to get you." And I just want to cry from frustration when they say that. Guys I've talked to online say they like white, foreign girls and I have no reason to disbelieve them but I just don't know how to attract a latin guy... I lived in Mexico for a year and none of my guy friends thought of me as anything more than a friend. I mean no offense to anybody, but I just need to know. I don't think that all latin men are all womanizers or cheaters, but people here stereotype them. What is true is that there ARE loads of the nice, faithful ones.. but they stick with latin girls... the ones who pay attention to American girls are the ones looking for a fling. I hate to say it, but we have "mala fama" in other words, everyone thinks white western girls are sluts. I'm 29 and I've never even had relations (sorry if that's too much information) and waited and waited for someone to love me, and then people assume that I'm promiscuous because of where I'm from. I would like to know if a guy from some Latin country (especially Mexico!!) would ever take me seriously as a girlfriend or wife... or should I just go be a nun? I am so frustrated!! Gracias mil si me pueden ayudarSara
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGracias por la buena onda Daniel, muy amable
Thanks Daniel, that is very kind. :)
Cuidate mucho y saludos
Sara
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (14 July 2008):
 I guess I could help you better if you send some private messages. I don't promise to answer right away, but, I will.
Thank you for your kind words for me. I'm just the guy next door.
Maybe the post can be useful to help people concentrate on the relationship, whatever the race or cultural background, instead of the funny little ways of each party.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, whenever I try to snatch someone up, she has someone, lives away, thinks I'm a bastard (like my sisters do), is unattainable, is married, has a jealous boyfriend (or two), or (in one case) is pregnant and is desperately looking for a daddy.
Me sucede lo mismo (the same things happens to me)... except for the pregnant part, jajajaja, luckily I've never met a pregnant man though.
Hola Daniel!!
That's a wonderful answer!! That was really kind of you to take the time to write to me, I read everything you said and it means so much. Why do your sisters think you're a bastard si se puede saber (if I may ask)? You seem nice and sweet, like you said, and know how to listen and understand.
I think that it's interesting though, that the Spanish word for a commitment (correct me if I'm wrong) is "compromiso" which also means compromise... I always wondered why. I guess in a relationship, both people have to make sacrifices sometimes, sacrifice is part of love.
have also seen relationships that fail because the people in the relationship didn't really look at the other party as who they were, but as the stereotype they had in mind. Let me put the cards on the table: either the man just looked at the fact that he was with a blonde, wow, or the girl just thought she was with a Miura, with funny (as in weird) ways but capable of unbridled sexual frenzy, and he happened to be a normal guy, perhaps untamed but not the exact match of her dreams. I hope this is not your case, dear poster.
No te preocupes!! When I was studying in Cuernavaca, I was different, because the other American kids stuck together but I made friends with the "regular" (Mexican) students at my college and spent more time with then. It's not that I discriminate but I felt like I had more in common with them and they seemed friendlier, maybe it was because I had "regular" college classes as opposed to classes in English, for foreigners. (At my school the college had a separate curriculum for foreign exchange students who were learning Spanish but we could also take regular classes.) I'm not sure. But I noticed that the guys were sweet and friendly. I think that they are a little old fashioned because they still have chivalry down there, they open doors for girls and if I dropped one of my books some guy would invariably pick it up for me... I thought that's so sweet, chivalry DOES exist.
I'm not sure about Brazilian women but Brazil is very diverse. And so many Mexican guys are handsome and sweet, why wouldn't Brazilian women marry them? Perhaps they just don't meet very often. Hmmm I should go to college in Brazil, learn Portuguese and how to be sexy 101 lol... maybe it's a core class down there? jajajaja
I was much heartened by that story from Reader's Digest... thanks for sharing that with me... love does exist :)
Your words helped me a lot, muchas gracias por la buena onda, cuidate mucho. I hope that things work out for your happiness as well :)
Que Dios te bendiga
Sara
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): LOL... Daniel your answer was so wonderfull and very, very true. Unfortunately this girl is not for you, but I think she should aim for a very similar type of man, wether he is Latino or not, if he loves her I'm sure he will learn Spanish too and all will go well.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (14 July 2008):
Er...
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A
female
reader, °Ale°  +, writes (14 July 2008):
 Hola niños, como estan? I'm buttin' in again :)
I think you two should just get together! :) kidding, Daniel. Maybe you have some special lady lined up already? And you Sara, I guess nice guys are hard to find, period. It doesn't matter if they're blue or purple, its tough.
But, keep your eyes open and maybe with some luck you'll find yourself a great guy who will love you & respect you.
!Buena suerte, querida!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (13 July 2008):
Also, she's not interested :-).
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (13 July 2008):
Well, whenever I try to snatch someone up, she has someone, lives away, thinks I'm a bastard (like my sisters do), is unattainable, is married, has a jealous boyfriend (or two), or (in one case) is pregnant and is desperately looking for a daddy.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (13 July 2008):
Well, I'm honored that people have asked me to answer this one. I will do my best, being a Mexican and having come to the site because of an Anglo girl.
In short, yes, a Latino man can take you very seriously and consider you marriage material. I certainly would do just that if I found that girl, but, let's get myself out of this as I'm biased.
I believe a few words of mine could be helpful here.
Yes, dear Sara (nice name, by the way), some people in Latin America think that Americans/Canadians/Europeans/Whites in General are not marriage material. The reason is, for our traditional ways, they are too "liberadas" (liberated), which means that they have a wholly different way of looking at relationships and sex, which, in turn, translates into some "horrible" things such as a girl being more in control of who she sleeps with and if she sleeps with someone at all. Please pay attention to my words, because the meaning is not only sex. "Liberadas" also want to call their own shots in a way that's much more assertive than our women. They dont' want to be submitted to their husbands. That is the whole thing, though people most usually complain about sex only.
I'm afraid this is an outdated view even in Latin America and in other regions of the world where people also have very outdated views about relationships.
That said, there are many cases of happy couples where the woman is American/Canadian... and the man is Latino. I have seen quite a few. To be honest, I have also seen horrible failures where the woman was only taken advantage of. Or the man. The American one, in either case.
I have also seen relationships that fail because the people in the relationship didn't really look at the other party as who they were, but as the stereotype they had in mind. Let me put the cards on the table: either the man just looked at the fact that he was with a blonde, wow, or the girl just thought she was with a Miura, with funny (as in weird) ways but capable of unbridled sexual frenzy, and he happened to be a normal guy, perhaps untamed but not the exact match of her dreams. I hope this is not your case, dear poster.
If you happen to find someone who considers you as a whole, as a person, regardless of where you are from, then you will find your man. I'm sure there's one for you.
I think you will have to work a bit. Your way to raise children, behave in couple, et cetera, is different, and you need to be very understanding of each other. As in all couples, I guess.
I wonder where you're finding your men. If you find them in bars, my guess is that the people who go there for a date aren't usually interested in marrying, no matter their color or origin.
I remember that many years ago I read an article in a very old Reader's Digest. The article was called "My love's in Mexico". It was a very moving story about an American woman who married one of us. It has happened, dear poster, and it might happen again. Just make sure you get the relationship approached in the right manner.
By the way, we Latin Americans (and many other men, too) believe that Brazilian women are very sexy and very good in bed. Their culture is also closer to ours, and sometimes even their physical appearance. What they do and how they think is not that different, and is voiced in a sexy language we can understand. However, I'm not sure many of them marry many of us.
Wish you the best. Just keep trying and looking in the right places. Also, you can let the guys know that, if he's not into it for real, he can go the way he came.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGrazie a ti chica ;)
Daniel, donde estas? Muchas gracias por tus consejos, si me ayudas ahora gracias mil! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hope Daniel will answer me, I posted a similar question, but what I want to know is I've been having trouble and would like some advice about finding someone... maybe some tips... I hope that he sees this because it means so much to me... thanks :)
I would like to be Hispanic, I have Spanish heritage, but my family has lived in the United States for generations, I hate to say it but they're very "waspy" acting and I was raised in American culture. I don't understand why my relatives didn't try to preserve the culture, and the language, hand it down through generations. I'm the only person in my family who speaks Spanish, and I had to learn it through books and studying and I had to suffer to learn Spanish but it was worth it in the end. I was tickled pink when I found I was of Spanish descent but I will always be looked upon as an American. Daniel gives really good advice but I would just like to know what to do... we talked about this and he says that he likes American, Canadian girls and doesn't believe all the negative stereotypes, which is heartening, but he's not available for me :( like he says... nice and sweet, knows how to listen, and it's amazing some girl hasn't snatched him up if what he's saying is true
Ok, I've written too much, as usual. I would just like to know how I can find a boyfriend... thanks, to anyone who can help me :)
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A
female
reader, °Ale° +, writes (13 July 2008):
Didn't you post here before? and didn't they tell you that you're hispanic yourself?
Mmm... where's Daniel when you need him? He gave you a pretty good answer before, im sure he has another one now. And I will just keep my comments to myself.
Ciao ciao chica!
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