A
female
age
51-59,
*imeemack
writes:I have been married for 3 yrs (was together 2 yrs before). I have 2 children from a previous relationship. I came out of my last relationship with a good settlement and my partner at that time is now my husband. Its been a hard year. My husband gets angry at the slightest thing, I feel like I am constantly treading on egg shells. When we first met he was wonderful and it turn out very fake. Everything changed when I sold my house and we moved in together. I paid off his debts and furnished our new house and paid for a holiday of a lifetime for all of us (which was a disaster). If my husband does not get his own way he sulks and shouts in my face. Yesterday he said a comment to my daughter about her needing to wake up and watch what she is doing and it was said in such a nasty tone that she cried. I spoke to my husband and he just lost his temper screaming at me saying I only ever put my kids first and how I have made his life a misery etc, slaming doors. Two weeks ago I paid 1ok off his credit card and today he says he is going to a solicitor as he wants a divorce.I am not worried about him doing this as I feel I have been alone for a while but I feel used he has bled every penny out of me and now he wants a divorce. The house is in his name and I am worried my children and myself will be left with nothing. I feel such a fool, how could I have been taken in by such a gigalo?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Get a divorce, it's the only way.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): So lets see if I've got this right.You get a divorce from your first husband. It sounds like you split so you could be with your current husband (happy to be set right on that if I'm wrong). You get a "good settlement", which under UK divorce law means that you probably got most of the joint money and the house to make sure you and, most importantly, your children were provided for. You take that settlement, which may or may not have left your first husband eking out an existence in significantly reduced circumstances, and you throw it away on a man who has taken you for a ride and is now abusive to you and your first husband's daughter.What a mess. I'm sorry if this sounds judgmental, but if I got divorced I know under UK law that my wife would get most of everything but I would take some genuine comfort in that scenario from knowing my children were being provided for. I would be very unhappy if my ex then proceeded to blow it all within 5 years on a man who is cruel to my children.OK, the best you can do is divorce this guy and hope to get a decent settlement. I doubt it will be as generous (your children are not his children) but the money is less important than you and your children's happiness and wellbeing.I am unsure under law whether, if you were left in genuine poverty, you could go back to your first husband and request more from him on the basis that he is providing for his children, though I would suggest you approach that with some degree of humility on your part.Lesson: there are male gold diggers as well as female.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (13 July 2008):
 Well, gigolos put a front face of being charming and nice and you surely fell for the trap. But the most foolish thing here is that you still let him control you for everything. He hasn't taken any penny from you, you have given it to him! I bet he didn't put a gun on you or menaced you by hitting you to give him your money. You have done it just he would get "happier". If he asks you to pay for the whole divorse, don't hesitate on saying no. You have to put your foot down and pull your pants up. The only reason why he has been doing all of this is because you have let him and done nothing at all to stop this.You have to realize here that he doesn't care about you and that he doesn't care about your children. And he's wrong about what he said, you HAVE to put your children first before him, and if he whines about you doing it, then he's no good. Yeah sure, he was physically with you, but you're really alone here, and him divorcing you is just a big proof of this. Now like I said, put your foot down and stop from giving in to everything he wants. Stop spending money on him and stop from using you. If you find it hard to do, think of your children and in their future. Would you like your childrent to suffer just because you couldn't stop spending in some guy who left you? Would you like for them to blame you for your own stupidity? Put these thougts in your mind when you're around him and make yourself look like a person instead of a tool. Divoce him now. He's not a good husband and he's worse of a father. And I remind you, don't pay for the divorce or anything else for him. STOP! Take this as a lesson for a future relationship and get to know a person deeply before moving forward with himListen to the other aunties, but listen to mine too. You have to act fast and wise up. Good luck
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