A
female
age
30-35,
*elga17
writes:It was my second date with this guy and I wasn't really sure if I liked him but I was 100% sure i was physically attracted to him and I really wanted to sleep with him. The date lasted for about 26 hours. He let me stay over at his place he was really sweet to me. He even cooked for me. And we talked about basically anything, and things you don't tell to just anyone. It went really great, we had a lot of sex. I'm 100% sure I did not regret sleeping with him at all. It felt right for me so I dont really regret it. After he took me to my place, I was expecting for things to be different, as in he wont talk to me anymore (because according to society, I slept with him too soon lol) but to my surprise, he still texted me. He's really nice, he asks me how my day went and all that stuff. He still seemed interested in me even after I slept with him. My question is, would guys still bother to text the girl he's slept with even if he's not interested? I just didnt want to get the wrong idea from his actions. He would say couple-y stuff and I dont wanna fall for them if its not something that he means. Im just confused now. He's 19 and I'm 21.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (8 December 2015):
Yes, he’s interested and that’s no surprise. The question is why he’s interested? CindyCares is right to point out that if you’re going to have sex this soon, you really can’t have any expectations. That one encounter might just be it: end of the story. In this case, it isn’t. I’m not judging you in any way for having sex so soon, but I do think it was a mistake because you don’t know him. You don’t know whether he’s just after sex, or is actually interested in something more serious with you. If you’d made him wait, you’d have found the answer to that question because a guy that’s after one thing would soon get bored if he didn’t get you in to bed and move on to some-one else. As things stand, we don’t know if his interest is in you, or just the possibility of having sex with you again. The way a player thinks, small talk about your day is a small sacrifice if it charms you to bed again. If you’re really starting to fall for this guy, I think you have to tell him that things probably went too far too soon. Tell him that you enjoyed it but that you want to take things slowly and get to know each other before it happens again. Be very clear that there’ll be no repeat for some time. Then we’ll see if he’s still interested. I hope he is: he could well be a genuinely caring guy that really likes you, but as they say, only one way to find out.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 Now, OP, don't get mad at me if I tell you that probably those social rules you scoff at ..have been invented just to protect thin skinned, tender hearted people like you :)
I'll try to explain. Obviously it's not that if you sleep with somebody on a first or second date you are a worthless slut but if you make him wait two months you are a good woman and a paragon of virtue. You'd be always the same girl, with always the same personality, values, qualities and faults (... and just a bit more self control in the second case ). It is true that some guys, based on the principle of " I would never join a club which would accept ME as a member " would give you a wide berth after the first encounter, precisely because you gave up " too soon ". But they would be doing you a favour , in this way, because it must be no fun going out with people who are close minded and judgemental- so , no big loss.
The fact is that, if you want to have sex right away, you must be sure that you are willing and able to work without a net. You must have no expectations, you must really be cool with whatever happens later - which is , maybe nothing.
When you become physically intimate with somebody in a matter of a couple of hours, or a couple of dates, you know nothing of what he wants from you, what he feels, what he is about. You don't know if he wants a relationship or just casual fun or just an ONS. You don't know if he likes you or if he was just very horny. You don't know if you are his only date or one among many.
That works fine only if you really can just be in the moment, in the here and now, without any projects or mind trips. Like, say, you are a tourist visiting a faraway country and you fancy that hot local waiter or bartender, and decide to enjoy yourself. It's not even excluded that
this type of encounter may turn into a serious LDR... but you would not be counting on it or hoping it - or worrying about it. Que sera sera.
Now, for instance, you do pay lip service to being Ok with just having had this sexual experience, and not having any regrets, etc.etc- but you are writing us, trying to read his mind and what he means and is it possible that he really likes you and is he truly interested or just messing with you etc :). Why ? In theory , you should not even be curious or anxious or anything, you would just let this play out by itself and what will be will be.
You don't want to fall for him if you are not sure he falls for you ? Well ( regardless of the fact that it is never wise to fall for just WORDS ! not backed by actions )...how come ? If you fall in love you fall in love, right ? Whether it's convenient or not. Apparently you like to play it safe, and I am not chiding you for that, it's a legitimate choice. But then I think you are nowhere as ready for and content with the casual sex thing as you say you are. So, you see, these stupid society "rules " ...might actually work exactly in your favour.
Anyway , back to your question : would he bother contacting you ? is he interested ?...
Hard to say at this early stage. He must be interested, because if he was totally un-interested , he would have pulled a Houdini on you. But interested in what, it's early to say. Like, maybe he wants to date you and to become your bf. But , also if he wants to keep it casual, and have some sort of casual sexual friendship or FWB thing, yes he would contact you and he would bother to keep on some sort of social contact with you . Clearly, not all guys are oafish brutes who'd just text you : " Yo, wanna fuck " when they feel frisky,- and clearly not many women would respond favourably to that kind of approach! ( and the guys know it very well ).
So , my advice is , mind the actions not just the words. Talk is cheap . Does he want to take you out on dates in other places than his bedroom ? Does he introduce you to his friends ? Does he ask you about your life, hobbies, interests, passions etc. ? Does he make plans with you beyond ... this weekend ? Then he is interested the way you want him to be interested.
Does he keep up with amiable, flirty chit chat- but, at the end of the day, all you do is meeting up for sex once every few weeks ? Then he is interested in you as a fun playmate. ( Which,in theory you should also be cool with, right ?...)
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