A
male
age
30-35,
*ComplicatedGuy123
writes:I have a bestfriend, I have had feelings for her before and sometimes here and there. I felt as if it was some sort of thing telling me, "Oh she's the one" I had a friend tell me i might just be physically attracted to her which i am as well. Also had a friend tell me that usually whenever things go wrong with another girl for me i tend to fall for her again cause im lonely, which i kind of see is true. But she sees me as a best-friend only so in otherwords "Friendzoned" Im ok with it cause shes my bestfriend its whatever, but im not looking for advice about how to break it. I did something that went over the line between our friendship. I touched her, groped, felt her up, whatever but yeah. We were cuddling as bestfriends and i guess i wanted to test what would happen so i did it, she seemed okay with it but we just stopped and i felt bad and another day i did it again and she was okay with it again. But I found out from another friend that she was uncomfortable with it, that i made her think about it and what kind of person I am and what the hell am i trying to do with her. I Messed up, i dont know what to do and I need help. To ask my question again so people can understand: I groped my bestfriend twice and even though she never said no, a friend told me she didn't like it and she might not talk to me anymore or we might just be different around each other now and i need advice on what to do. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012): But thanks I appreciate all of your help! I will talk to her and hope for the best.
A
male
reader, AComplicatedGuy123 +, writes (5 June 2012):
AComplicatedGuy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I should talk to her, one of the things that may make it more awkward is she's also my neighbor that lives right in front of me. Uh were 17 she's going to UC davis while im still going to be in town and I guess I always had this thing in my mind where I may really like her but this made me realize that it was just a physical attraction, was it right that i did it? of course not. I feel like crap from this but i think using grope was the wrong word I actually just felt around her thighs, I did not touch her vagina or anything like that, I almost did but i did not. Still wasn't right but i don't know if we can be considered bestfriends if we were able to cuddle.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 June 2012):
 Why did you grope her?
Talk to her, even though it will be an awkward conversation. Tell her that you heard she didn't like it, and that you wish she could have just said something. Because you wouldn't have done it if she had just spoken up. But that you thought since she didn't react to it, or said no, that she was fine with it. Tell her you were just curious and didn't mean anything by it. Tell her you like her as a friend and that it was a stupid move of you, it wont happen again, and you hope you can continue to be friends.
Then leave it at that. Respect it if she stays away from you for a while, give her space.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 June 2012):
 I agree 100% with YouWish.
SKEEVY behavior is right!
MAN up and go talk to her, apologize. Don't be a creep.
She may not want to be friend with you any more and THAT is all on you, bro. YOU did that.
Time to grow a backbone.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 June 2012):
 You are not about looking for advice about how to break it, and you don't need it, because quite possibly you broke it already.
If she really only saw you as a friend, and trusted you , and felt free to be physically affectionate with you PRECISELY because you are just a friend ( although, I agree with You Wish, platonic friends do not cuddle and do not WANT to cuddle, cuddling is stupidly and uselessly crossing boundaries- but maybe this works for adults, with teens it may be more of a grey area ) , feeling her up and sneakily sexualizing a moment of affection is a big no-no, I don't think things will ever be the same between you, there will be embarassment and resentment lingering .
( On a side note, unless you totally forced yourself on her, she could and SHOULD have said no, STOP, loud and clear. It's true that " not saying no " does not mean " saying yes ", but, girls, for Pete's sake ! , would not it be about time that you learned to decide and ASSERT clearly if and when and how people can, or cannot touch you ?! So, if now she feels uncomfortable, it serves her well ! )
What you can do now, is : apologize. You honestly feel bad about it, so it won't be that difficult to tell her that you regret what happened, because you do regret it. Tell her you are sorry, you got carried away, it won't happen again, blah blah.
It may work, or not, but at least you'll have tried.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 June 2012):
 You GROPED her??
Groping is skeevy. If I ever got felt up by someone without permission, I'd have a really hard time associating with them in the future, and I would have stopped it immediately. "Never said no" isn't the same as a "yes". You have just changed the relationship permanently.
However, you should talk to her directly about it and apologize. Platonic "best friends" do NOT cuddle together, and she didn't say no. I think she was toying with the ides of you being more than friends. But you should have talked to her about your feelings instead of letting your hands go Christopher Columbus on her body. That's disgusting.
Bottom line, you NEED to talk to her and apologize IN PERSON. It's the honorable, and manly thing to do.
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