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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I had a totally awful birthday!For one, my grandma's brother died on Friday, and the funeral was today.But second... I love my "ex" more than anything. And we have had our issues, mostly because there's a lot he can't tolerate from the time I was single. Sometimes he'll call me names, and be hurtful, and make me cry, and he just deosn't seem to care - he seems to think that somehow people who do "wrong" or hurt him, deserve to be "punished". Until, of course, guilt kicks in an then he apologises and everything's good again.Well, last Friday night we were arguing, he called me names and I cried, he didn't seem to care so I just dropped the bomb:"You'll end up being just like your father, you know?"His father was abusive, and now, he said he won't forgive me.If only I wouldn't have said that. Of course I didn't mean to be hurtful, but it really does worry me - he COULD end up being like his father. The problem is he still isn't over what his father did.Now, he won't forgive me. He's said a lot of hurtful things, no "happy birthday" whatsoever... and I'm lonely! All I wanted was to spend my birthday with him, to distract myself from the funeral and the general family pain... and now, nothing, only because I couldn't stay shut.I'm hurting, what can I do to lift my mood? This has been the worst birthday I've ever had, I've been crying all day!!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 Hi Hunny Im sorry to here of your pain, You mention you b/f can and is very hurtfull to you. What you actually said was something which shocked him as if he is acting this way then he is being mentally abusive..To call you names and make you cry is abuse, Why is this ok, I dont feel that this is ok in a relationship at all and now on your birthday he is not talking with you. You said something out of pure frustration of being treated in a nasty way and this is not your fault..If you go through life scared to talk to speak the truth because he will then be even worse then is that the kind of life you wish for yourself..I think not love, You have just had a bearevment in the family and at this sad time for you and your family he is sulking..My advise to you is be with your family the people that care for you, I no this wont change the fact that this birthday is crap, And hopefully you can celebrate another day this year but to spend time with those who care about you will be better for you than hanging around waiting for some response from what I can only say is a hurtfull situation with your b/f he canot treat you this way and expect you not to say anything at some point hunny you will blow...You need respect and kindness and love and caring not some stuborn fool who only cares about his own needs and concerns...You have done nothing wrong just said it how it feels and its shocked him into not talking another form of hurting you love, Dont let this continue as it will only get worse...He needs to get help for his anger that probably stems from his past but he does not need to take it out on you love..I wish you a happy birthday if you cant have this today then have it another day but dont let your b/f treat you less than you deserve TAKE CARE OF YOU HUNNY WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): The guy's a ****. Don;t EVER let him guilt-trip you this way. You are right. Just because his father is abusive, it does not give him the right to do the same. To sit around feeling like the world owes him a debt for the crimes that were dealt him.Until he sorts out his internal issues, stay clear of him. And to lift your mood, find a man who won;t do this to you.Flynn 24
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