A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm 37 and I have just 'noticed' a much younger girl. During my life I have really fallen hard for two women. Once was when I was 18 - which was unrequited, and the second time was a couple of years ago when I was abroad for a week on business (this didn't have time to develop).I am married with a couple of kids but I have never felt about my wife in the same way as I did about these other two women.I'm worried that I'm going to become obsessed by this new girl. I'm already feeling pretty low because she is far too young and I'd get into tons of trouble at work, so I can't really pursue her, but I can't stop thinking about her.I don't want to leave my children despite not really loving my wife.Am I alone in having these grand passions, or is it a mid-life crisis?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): 37 years old isn't so bad, the girls still say well he is in his 30s, still young....but its the day when you turn around to the girl and ask her for a first date and you say "hey, im 40, would you like to go on a date", thats the day, they'll refuse you, they're going to look the other way then! so if you're thinking of leaving the marriage, Id say 40 is your cut off point, there's no going back!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): same situation as mine, early 20s, and late 30s, unmarried and married with kids. Well as the girl, i would be happy for him to sit down and talk - and would be understanding. Give it a go, you know her, she's your work colleague, nothing wrong in going for a chat and asking her advice? see how she feels
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): could be that you've just fallen in love for the first time, and its worked, you said the last one was unrequited.perhaps you should ask yourself such questions about the young lady, is she single? how old is she? do you think she would like your children? do you think she would consider your feelings/do you think she would understand or try to understand your feelings?Talk to the young lady - once she not under 18 years old
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): I've been in this situation before. I think you should talk to her about how you feel, as her to meet up, somewhere where you can talk and wont be interrupted. Be completely honest with her, see how she feels, maybe she could help you through it.You only live one life so be happy, life is short, there is no point in spending it being miserable.best thing is, talk to her about it, i think the obssession is arising from bottling up your feelings and also, you are failing to resolve the connection with the other girl, you need some form of release, so talking about it to the girl will help, im sure she'll be understanding, you just need to not think about it; talking to the wife might be a bad thing, she'll be on the defense and may not be receptive to help you, rather retaliate.i think you can do it, just stop overthinking asking, take one step at a time, and arrange a coffee day or casual drink, whatever it is you do
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A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Well I kinda agree with what everyone is saying, you shouldn't leave your wife and kids for a younger girl, think of the pain they'd go through? However, despite me being alot younger than yourself I still know what its like to really want someone, but you can't persue anything due to the consequences of it. Does this girl like you too? or Is she aware of your feelings for her? if the answer is yes to any of them, then it'll be alot harder to let her go. But honestly, It would be for the best to try and forget her! I know its really hard, but she wouldn't be worth leaving your family for.Mail me if you wanna talk! xxx
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 I only advise cheating in extreme situations. You aren't there. What will pursuing this girl accomplish? Best case scenario you may have an affair with her, then what? You already stated you will not leave your family for the sake of your kids, and I respect that, good for you.
Yes you made a bad desicion marrying a woman who doesnt give you passion. Is there anyway you can get the passion back..what happened there?
This feeling you have that you have described, yes I know it very well...its called the lightning bolt (Godfather reference). Its that undescrible passion you can have that really hits you hard, like a lightning bolt, and is more than just lust. Its an amazing thing that lightning bolt..and you are lucky if you end up being with the lightnning bolt object and live happily ever after. But I don't see that in this case. You are smitten with this woman, but you are in an impossible situation to make this a good relationship... My advice is not to pursure this..and keep her in your mind as a fantasy.
I dont know if you can call this a midlife crisis...Cheating is cheating, and you can do it at any age.
I did however say that there are times when you have to cheat and are in a loveless marriage that you are forced to stay in because of children. I can't be your conscience. This is something you have to live with. And its not even a matter of guilt in your case. If you cheat you probably won't feel guilty about it. If your wife doesnt fulfill your needs, how can you feel guilty about going to another woman. The real issue is do you want to risk breaking up the family? If you ever cheat..and again I advise not to, do it with no guilt and the utmost discretion. You can only do it with a clear consciense and control of the situation.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 Yes it's mid-life. You are comparing a long-term, loving, committed relationship to an infactuation you have with a young thing. Not realistic at all. If you do not love your wife, then you should consider divorcing her so she can have the kind of love you are willing to give to someone else. If this is not something you want to do, then pull your head out of the clouds, slap yourself in the face a couple of times and just know that lust is a powerful, destructive force that has to be controlled. Try to avoid the girl at work because you really will be making a huge mistake to pursue her. Good luck.
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