A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi All. Okay me and my long distant boyfriend of 9 months have just recently split up. The relationship was like a rollercoaster from day one, he would ignore me for days, accuse me of being with other people, act secretive i.e his phone, we split up several times etc. Basically red flags flew within the first couple of months.Last weekend it all came to a head and i decided to walk away. However, after a couple of months of being together, this guy got a lucky break through into a fantastic job. He brings home a fantastic wage monthly, drives a nice car, has more than enough money and i enjoyed the luxuries and zero money worries that came with that. Although our relationship was more bad than good, we discussed marriage and kids and I knew if I did that with him.. we would be comfortable financially and have nice things. I'm not going to get back with my ex because of all the things (and more) i listed at the beginning. BUT it really bothers me that I may not find another guy who is as financially stable as he is. I know there are plenty of men out there who bring in a good income and have no money worries but I cant stop thinking that now we're apart, i dont have that anymore. I know there is also another man out there who could love me unconditionally and give me everything I want emotionally and lovingly, but i cant get past the whole losing someone who gave me a life of luxury. Please knock some sense into me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): I understand your question. You have made a decision, that the money part of your relationship just wasn't enough... hard to walk away from, but your happiness and sanity was more valuable. Now, you don't want to have a less of a relationship than you have just had, but that includes the financial side. yes? I am interested to see what happens for you, but I suspect, that you won't settle for someone that doesn't give you the love and emotional support you desire AND the financial side. I suspect that person will come into your life.. OR someone so wonderful without that money will come in to your life, and you will love them so madly deeply that you won't even CARE if they have money or not. So don't worry. Don't settle, and you will be happy with your next man.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Exactly :-). That keeps the bad ones away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): Danielepew, women are only with you for your warts hehe.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (19 April 2012):
It is always reassuring to think that, because I don't have money, no woman will ever have this kind of concerns in my regard. She will love my warts, and I will know that is why she is with me.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (19 April 2012):
 First of all, what makes you think you will never date a successful man again? I think you're being very dramatic and fatalistic over the " never again" part. There is a real possibility that you may end up with another wealthy man. It may happen or it may not. If you want a more luxurious lifestyle, then work toward achieving it for yourself.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 April 2012):
 I'm sorry that didn't work out, and I can understand how that must be a bit of a shock to leave that kind of life. But you are asking for sense-knocking, so I will try.
If you want luxury and money, you can't rely on others to get it for you, you have to go and get it yourself. It's not all about luck, it's also about hard work and choices, and sometimes (often) choosing the harder path. Believe me, it's always best to have financial security from your own bank account than from someone else's. By that I don't mean you aren't successful/comfortable or whatever you situation is, I just mean if you want lots of money, go and get it.
My current boyfriend will never be rich. At first I was disappointed, and then I realized I had everything I needed in my own hands to live that life. You are in control of your own life. You can't rely on someone else's money, you have to rely on yourself. If you want something, get it. Work for it. You can do it and you can live whatever life you want, you just have to work for it.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (18 April 2012):
Money isn't everything. It's only the shallow that forsake actual love and real relationships that are true partnerships, in exchange for money and a life of luxury. Eventually all of the shiny things lose their luster and you'd crave something more, a deep connection with someone.
There's nothing wrong with being practical and only considering men who have their life together, but limiting yourself to men who can give you a jet-setting, socialite lifestyle is setting yourself up for failure in the long run. It becomes a choice - would you rather be happy and have what you need but not everything, or would you rather be rich but not truly happy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): No one can really OP, you're bound to miss that lifestyle but you never really had a relationship with this guy. Just one big long drama and lots of shiny things.
As long as this doesn't become your top priority when you consider other guys then you'll be fine because all the trappings of luxury will be replaced by the luxury of having a nice stable relationship with a good guy.
Look even the most horrible relationships will have aspects you'll miss once they're over, there had to have been something to keep you there in the first place. Just be glad that it's the shiny things and not the douche who owns them that you miss.
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