A
female
age
36-40,
*esslirai
writes:I've been with this guy for about four years, we have had our ups and downs. He has always been extremely controlling and I have changed into this person I'm not sure is me. I used to be outgoing, fun, successful, and felt like I had things going for me. Now I just feel dull, tired and not me. I work hard and help pay for his car note and rent and other bills of course. I jut feel stuck. I feel like I've finally woken up. That I shouldn't have to change or be someone else and that someone should love me for me. I have only known him for about 5 yrs. Then there is this other guy, leo, that I feel is perfect for me, but I've always ran from him because I've been scared of the unknown. I have know him since I was 14 (apprx 10 yrs) and i feel like ive known him for longer. I feel like he understands me perfectly, hes the most kind, caring, and hardworking man i have met in a long time. I havent done anything with him while still in a relationship. I just don't know what I should do. I feel like I am in love with the latter. But things are very complicated, my four year old daughter and his 8 yr old son are like brother and sister. Not only that he's starting a business and has no money at the moment and I don't want to leave him high and dry with no where to go or money.
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female
reader, traeumerin242 +, writes (24 April 2012):
It sounds like you need to get out of that relationship. The most important thing is that he is controlling, and you don't feel like you're able to live your life. He's living your life for you, and it sounds like he's possibly using you for the money too.
Your daughter is young. If you break up with your boyfriend, your daughter may or may not remember his son. Perhaps send her to counseling at the beginning, just to make sure she can deal with her feelings properly. There are too many stories of kids seeming to deal with parent breakups just fine when they are young, but there may be problems later on as a result of the breakup. I feel bad for his son, but you need to worry about what is best for you and your daughter. If you really are concerned for his son, apart from the friendship between him and your daughter, you could always have child services check it out. If your boyfriend can't provide for his son without your help, then his son needs to be somewhere else.
A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (18 April 2012):
 You have to look at the huge risk you would be making.
I know the relationship you're in isn't ideal, and you're clearly unhappy, but you two seem to be making it work.
Plus you have the kids to worry about, and the thought of breaking their bond.
All for some guy you seem to be in love with. The future is very unclear with this guy. I know you mention he has good attributes, but have you two ever dated? Would you get along? Would he care for you and your daughter? Maybe Leo has offered you the world if you went to him, but what if it doesn't work out? You really have to think realistically here. Do you have somewhere to go? A back up plan?
You have a child. You put them first. Think about what's best for your kid.
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