A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I hope i can get some good advice, the story is, I've been friends with a guy for 5 years. We've always just had a really good affinity, always just get on so easily. There was always a natural chemistry between us. I was in a relationship for a while, and a while after i split up with my ex, me and the friend suddenly started amping up the flirting. It was very exciting, but we did live in different countries, so it wasn't ideal. But we met up a few times, and it was all just so romantic and perfect and easy.But I got to a point, where I kind of needed to talk about what we were doing, because we were at a stage where we were in contact everyday, and I didnt really want to waste time if this wasn't going to lead anywhere, I did like him, but I was single, so I was getting attention from other people. So was getting confused with what to do.So, once I bought it up, he kinda got himself into a pickle, and said all the wrong things, I got incredibly angry and upset by it, and it was done on email.. and decided to cut him off, to me it was i want my cake and eat it talk, which really hurt. But he kept on trying to contact me, and apologise and explained to me all his thoughts .. eventually, he's been persistent, and ive pretty much ignored him mostly. But its been about 6 months.. I've said my peace, and he asked please can we square things out and get back our friendship.I've given him a chance, nothing too much too soon, im just having like an hours chat once every week or two. He tells me i am his best friend, and he really misses our friendship. And I did too. but. I'm willing to give the friendship a go slowly slowly, see if things can go back to how we were, without the summer romance.But can this work? What if i get attracted to him again? I already do still fancy him a little bit and don't know how to stop myself. I know he finds me attractive, and im his best friend he says. I'm just worried maybe he is spinning me lines to play a stupid game with himself, or if he means what he says.How do you get back trust. Or I am not sure what are the things I need to be aware of, maybe i should stop being his pal, incase I do get feelings back. I'm not at that stage yet, but just little worried i could get sucked back in.
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male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (7 February 2011):
It's very hard to do the "friend" thing if one or both parties still have romantic feelings. Time and distance can sometimes -- but not always -- take that away. It's a tall order, but it is possible. However, if you are worried about getting sucked back into the drama, then go with your gut and let it go for now.
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