A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend now for two years. We've been talking about getting married in the future, and I'm want to be his wife, but there's one little thing that worries me: He's 18 years my senior.Now, I've told him about this and I'm a little bothered that he's so blase about it. He doesn't see a problem. Of course, he can't see my point of view since he's the older one and won't be the one left behind when I reach old age. I just feel like there are so many unknowns regarding this subject (the age gap) that I'm worried will ruin my life (and probably his, too) in the long run. Or am I just worrying over nothing? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): hi there, i'm 22 and i've been with my partner for almost 2yrs too. He has just turned 40. Some days the age gap does bother me but i take a step back and think about all the great times we've shared. I know this man is worth adjusting for and we are both flexible in our approach to the relationship. To be honest i just take each day as it comes as know one ever knows when their time is up.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 All big differences are a problem. Differences in age,in income,in education, you name it.
It does not mean it cannot ever work.
Just that to make it work it takes a lot of love,a lot of committment, a lot of adjustments and flexibility. Basically,an extra effort. You are very right in wondering if you are ok with the extra effort and your bf is wrong in dismissing this issue so lightly.
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A
male
reader, Sorcerer  +, writes (14 June 2010):
Age gaps CAN work. In the Victorian era, it was the done thing for a man in his 30s to marry someone just out of their teens.
But we're not in that era any more and I don't know what the statistics actually are, but in my experience - from my own and my friends - they work very rarely. In my case, I was with someone 11 years older than me for several years and it was fine to start with. But when she hit 44, she didn't want to go out so much, wanted to stay at home. Compromise became less noticeable, one of us always felt hard done by, our sex life diminished as her sex drive lowered and we've since gone our separate ways. We never argued, we just drifted apart because I was still 'young' and wanted to be out and about more. I was always attentive and romantic and did my best but we both realised that we wanted different things because we were at such different ages.
Only you can know whether in the long-run it is worth the risk. Guess it all depends how much you love the guy. I wouldn't have changed the good times I had with my ex partner (we never married) but we probably should have split earlier and I think we both feel we wasted a couple of years trying to keep something going that was never going to be repaired.
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