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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend was raped when she was younger, disturbingly by her own brother, does that mean that she lost her virginity to him. I can't stop thinking about it, it fills me up with hatred and it don't make me feel very good, it really bothers me. She never told anyone exept a couple friends and me. How can i overdome the bad feelings i get when i think about it, what should i do? Is she a virgin? She it just be forgottened or should something be done about it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2007): She's not a virgin. You should probably not be so hung up on it. She's the one who was raped, you're just being selfish.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2006): She still needs to talk to someone who is in the profession of dealing with rape/incest. She still needs to work on this aspect or she will struggle with it all her life.
Support her and suggest counselling. She needs support more than anything right now.
I would worry about that first before even considering sexual relations.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Thanks you guys. I'm not really concerned that she lost her virginity, exept from whom she lost it too, that bothers me. And of course this has bothered her a lot, she often feels like she's useless and guilty, etc. We haven't had sex, we agreed that we would wait untill much later, and i'm a virgin. Also, she is 15 and i'm 16.
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A
female
reader, SweetInnocence +, writes (9 August 2006):
 hey you sound really worried, and i can undestand that, but dont be.
For her to admit she was raped toke great trust, and for her brother well thats jus sick. First i think she should tell her mom what happened. Yes it sounds stupid but trust me. I was ganged rape ehn i was younger too and i never told anyone. i had to live with that memory for almost 8yrs. and it bohtered me every living day. Then one day i told my mom, she cried but she still embrasec me. she will hurt but its because she was not there when her daughter needed comfort. It may shke up things at her home if she come out clean but it will ease her mind and i think easing her mind will ease hers.
But its all up to he.
As for still being a virgin, she should not make it matter but i believe that it she was rapes before she stared seeing her period then her maid is still in tact. But hey she didn't hav sex willingly so yes in a way she is still.
Its nice to see that you are concern for her. Keep being a friend to her she will need it and you will be rewared in life.
Keep sweet my Dear.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Something should be done I think. I doubt she wants to drag this in front of the courts and everything. Just go over there and give him a good ass kicking, I doubt he'd tell anyone if he knows you know. (careful not to kill him, you wont believe how easily you can kill someone!)
Other than that, I cant think of any way you could get 'justice' (20 minute suspended sentence most likely if you live in the UK and thats after the courts and everything)
As for the virginity thing, shouldn't you be concerned about something a little more important than who got to take her virginity?
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A
female
reader, justice +, writes (8 August 2006):
tlak to her about it move to another state or town with her and you know you love her because if you didnt you wouldnt care so much about this and you know what if she doesnt move then you need to just take care of business and you know what take her to a rape class and stay with her and tell her you love her and that you wanna see her happy thats why you are suggesting it!
---------smooches
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A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (8 August 2006):
 well think about this, if this is how you are thinking about your girlfriends rape how do you think she has been feeling about it?? you need to be strong for her and respect her wishes that if she doesnt want anything done about it then you have to stand by her decision! she may not be a virgin anymore however it wasnt her fault and do not see this as an opportunity to rush things with her she may still be feeling very vunerable when it comes to sex. Talk things through with her and let her know how you are feeling and what is on your mind about this subject, maybe the both of you can come up with an idea to get this outta your head.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): I hope that your girlfriend has had some counselling to help deal with this pyschological scarring event.
Listen.
Do not mistake virginity for virtue.
Know that this is not something she wanted or deserved.
Know that this horrid event does not lessen her value.
Know that she struggles with her own worth over what was
not in her control.
Know that she thinks she is at fault or has some sort of
responsibility and that she failed herself and you.
Know this is NOT true.
She needs some counselling. Support her and take her to counselling. Get some couple's counselling as well.
She is a woman of worth. Her heart and how she acts; how she loves you should tell you of her worth.
SEE and KNOW this.
It is hard to forgive someone for doing such an act that is likened to murder. Her virginity was taken and can not be given back; there is no recompense. This is where your anger comes from; from this inner self knowledge at the injustice of it all.
Get the counselling and trust in the advice of the counsellor. Be prepared to go the extra mile.
Best of wishes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): If you knew somebody who had to pay a ransom to save a loved one (and as a result was left pennyless), would you consider this to be the same as if that person had become pennyless because of a drug habit? Of course you wouldn't. So, why would you even consider the loss of virginity when the girl was the victim of incestous rape?
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