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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I hope you will be able to help me on this:We have got married few months ago, good thing is I made it so clear about my commitments towards my mother right before we get married and she agreed.Since marriege I have accommodated so many requests from my wife side, to reduce seeing my mother. My mother is over 75 years old and almost disable, she has a severe arteries, and that get worse everyday, she has no one to look after her, and I am so proud of her that she is managing even to this point for me to have comfortable life with my wife. All I am doing just going to see her twice a week, to empty the bin and do a bit of shopping, overall I am just spending 6 hours a week with her . Now my wife got a problem with me seeing my mum!, and believe me it is nothing more into it that I haven’t told you. She can’t get on with my mum and despite my mum trying to make friend with her, she is not having it, as she feel so proud and selfish, to me that is just an attitude problem from my wife side and we are having arguments after arguments. She is making fun of my mother and I have to respond to her, she is just being so unreasonable, and this marrige is becoming a hell, and I am seriously thinking to call the whole thing off. She doesn’t know how to respect elderly and I am really scare when she faces my mother. It is really hurt me to see that she treat the matter with no feelings, and she can’t see my mother needs help. Please help me and advice me what I should be doing. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): Has your Mom ever acted disrespectful against your wife?
Why all of a sudden a change in how she feels about taking care of her? I think there may be more to this story!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): what the hell r u still doing with her? First if she has no respect for your mom then she has none for you. Your talking about a women who brought you into this world and your wife can't handle the fact that your helping your mom for 6 hours a week wow that's selfish get out well you still can trust me it's only going to get worse.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): your mother spent god knows how many years catering to your every need, and was probably there for you countless times when you were growing up. so the least you can do is give six hours a week of your time to her when she needs you. and i can't believe your wife doesn't understand that. did she ever have a mother?? does she not understand how important family is? that's so messed up. she's obviously got issues. i don't care if she gets along with her or not. that has got nothing to do with whether or not YOU should help take care of her. i say just tell your wife that you don't care what her input is. the bottom line is that it's YOUR mother and you're going to take care of her no matter what she says. sorry so harsh, i just don't have patience for someone who's so disrespectful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): No, marriage should come first but love is not conditional. Your wife does not seem to be a very understanding woman. Where would she learn such a trait?
Selfishness has a way of destroying the good in life and in people.
Whose bed to you return to and whose arms are you in at night?
Wife needs to get a new perspective where she needs to start focusing on the "WE" of the marriage and not the "ME". You need to do the same as well.
Get some marriage counselling First and work and commit to making the marriage work FIRST.
Tell your wife you still are going to see your mother on those two days and that you will continue to do such kindness for your mother.
Remind her that his mother taught him who to find in a life partner and you chose her and for this you are thankful.
Counselling. The counsellor can also act as mediator for you and your wife and come to some workable agreement that you both must be willing to do so that each person can be happy.
Maybe asking your wife if she prefers two day with three hours each or another day of her chosing where you can spend six hours with your mother.
Ask her what she wants. Then tell her you understand her wants but can she now consider yours.
Listen.
In the end, you decide, you do what will bring you peace and happiness.
BTW...you an only child?
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A
female
reader, justice +, writes (8 August 2006):
did you ever think that your mother doesnt really like your wife do me a favor and watch the movie "monster in law" and then you wil;l get a good perspective of things also if youre wife just doesnt want you to see your sick mother than get a divorce because mama come before anybody except GOD! mama gave you life wife gave you love mama can give you both!
-------smooches
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A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (8 August 2006):
 you need to talk to your wife about this because it is obviously something that is getting worse with time. ask her this question, how would she react if you were taking her attitutde towards her mother?? she would not like this one bit and being honest i dont know how you are sticking this. If you are certain that you addressed this issue with your wife before you got married then i suggest you remind her of your agreement. This is your mother and nobody can blame you for reacting the way you do, she is family and is obviously very needy at the moment and your wife is treating it as though your mum is just looking attention and being honest she is acting like a psoilt child. Shes needs to grow up and reralise that in a marriage she needs to accept your family too as they are now her own.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): It is very apparent that your wife has major insecurities. That she is using someone you love, your mother to attack you and abuse you is uncalled for and wrong.
Get some marriage counselling and fast.
If your wife is unable to deal with and honor your love and care for your mother; then I suggest doing what you know is right and hope she will come around.
Good luck.
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