A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've worked at 4 different job locations during my 8 years of working for this company. I've never really had "true friendship" with any of my co-workers because I was always the "new person" to join the facility. I came to this location about a year and a half ago and all my dreams pretty much came true. I was a supervisor, the whole facility loved me, and I felt like I had at least 5 true friends that I hung out with all the time, and I was really really happy. This year, 2 things happened: 1.) I was promoted to department manager 2.) I made a decision that not a lot of people agreed with. A worker from my department,Jimmy[27,M], is in charge of all the volunteer activities, he's a really strong,smart, funny guy who really loves his job, and loves interacting with people, I can't say enough about him. But apparently our other facilities were just as impressed, because we had a huge offer for him, which would have been a bargain for a company that switches employees like clockwork. When told the news, instead of embracing the fact that his stock was rising with the company, he ran his suitors out of town. He refused to show up to meetings or discuss any possible details of the transfer, he demanded a sky high salary purposefully so they would decline, and told them that if he was transferred anyways, he would not put any effort into his work, completely wasting everyone's time. I understand his comfort here at this location and the fact that he is expecting a baby ( He impregnated a department supervisor named Karla[26,F]) , but this is a business, and I will not tolerate his behavior. He's not being relocated but I did suspend him for the rest of February. I received praise from management, but it's been different with my co-workers/friends, Jimmy is a very popular person here, and people think suspending him for nearly a month was cruel, especially since he's expecting a child, but nobody knows why I did what I did. I don't have a grudge against Karla, I don't think she should be having a baby with a subordinate but I have nothing against her, and I love Jimmy. None of my friends are asking me to do things anymore, nobody invites me anywhere, it used to be a group chat, now it's inactive, and they made a new one without me. They go bowling every Saturday while I sit home, the only exclusion. I am so heartbroken, I want my friends back, but I don't know where to start?? Should I just wait until Jimmy gets back and let it blow over??? Should I apologize?? How do I handle this?? I need advice!!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 The only thing I have to say to this matter is you are never going to keep these friendships because you are not a manager and it simply does not work. They blame you for what happened to Jimmy and you cannot let personal relationships interfere with work.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 February 2017):
 That's a strange story- I don't even understand how you could do what you did without a) the unions descending upon you like a Ride of the Valkyries b ) Jimmy suing for illegal disciplinary action c ) maybe even pressing charges .
Now, I know that work laws are different in Usa from those in , for instance , my country, and that ptotecting the employers' rights is maybe not to the forefront in USA corporate world... then again, some things work more or less the same all over the world, including third world countries :
There are categories / work contracts ( certain military corps, certain government officers, etc. ) where you cannot refuse to be transferred. And there are many others, mostly in the private sector, where you CAN.
You make it sound as if Jimmy was offered an opportunity, rather than issued an order . So, he was certainly in his right to accept it or refuse it,- as he sees fit. WIthout having to be mobbed or penalized economically for having asserted his right of choice.
There's no two way about this - either Jimmy , in refusing the transfer, was overstepping the boundaries of what legally agreed ( and legally binding ) with the firm, - in which case he has no choice: he MUST relocate , or else leave the company. No point in silly little retaliations like the one you came up with.
Or, he is well within his rights as an employee in refusing a work transfer, no matter how financially advantageous, based on his personal criteria.
One of which, probabaly was that he is having a child from a coworker. And, that you approve or not approve of this pregnancy ... really ?!, who cares. It's none of your business, neither in your capacity of supervisor nor as a simple acquaintance . You don't supervise also your employees' sex life !!
So, yes, what's happening is very natural, the ostracism you are being subjected to is very expectable, and, also, alas, well deserved.
You are right, now you are in a bind. You can't go back on your decisions, and grovel to Jimmy your humble apologies- because you would lose any clout and any credibility as a boss, even if maybe that would be the right choice. And if you do not correct your mistake, though, you are likely to be treated coldly from now on.
I think that your priority is, or should be, to keep your job and ro perform it at the best of your capacities, rather thanto be Miss Popularity at work. So, do not renege your decision. Accept that actions have consequences, and that acting wrong may have unpleasant consequences, as you are seeing right now. Maybe this will halp you to be a better supervisor in future and to face similar situations more efficiently and with more humanity and respect at the same time.
Your story is also a brilliant explanation of why is never such a great idea getting all chummy with people who are , so to speak, lower in working rank than you. Cordial, of course. Understanding, certainly. FriendLY, may be good. But "one of the gang " and regular hang out buddies, - ...shit happens. Sure, a private company is not the army, and "rank " distinctions are much more blurred, but, whether you like it or not, some boundaries do exist when you have authority on people , and ignoring them is very often the source of troubles just like those you are lamenting now.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 February 2017):
 Wow! My mouth is full of foul words ... a young man is starting a family and because he didn't roll over like a dog and do what you wanted YOU SUSPENDED HIM for the remainder of the month? I assume that means without pay.
I know workplace legalities are different in the US but is that really legal? Great Flipping Eye in the Sky who would chose to work for people who think that's okay.
Ho, ho, so Karla is pregnant by a subordinate which you don't approve of, just your choice of language has me squirming in my seat.
Are you SURE nobody knows why you did what you did? I should imagine Jimmy's workmates are VERY aware of what you did, and probably why as well.
I think you have done your dash with this group of people, so either suspend them all and hope they all go find jobs elsewhere or request a transfer, develop some compassion and general understanding of human nature and start again.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (27 February 2017):
 All I can say is I am glad you are not MY supervisor. Fancy penalizing someone for making a decision to suit their current life needs.
I think you got totally carried away with your new-found popularity. If I was one of your friends, I don't think I would want to spend time with you either.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (27 February 2017):
So your saying that no one is allowed to decline any offers made with in the company .. they don't have free will to say .. hey. I like where I am I work hard as I enjoy my work and feel at home ? That isn't tolerated .. what country do you live in . As I thought it was an American flag I saw flying .
Jimmy has the right to choose where he wants to go .. he also has the right to decline such an offer .. did he handle it inappropriate maybe so .. but unless his contract states the company has a right to relocate you at their discretion then I don't see how you can justify what you did .
Secondly jimmy also has the right to impregnate as you put it whomever he likes; from what you wrote I do not think you are unbiased over this .. how can you love jimmy ?? You hardly know him .. even I wouldn't say I love my male friends .. just doesn't seem right .. so I think your emotions on this have slightly clouded your judgement .
Can I see the dust settling when this poor guy gets back from being suspended over the fact he loves his job where he is has a baby on the way and is content ..
Frank answer would be noooo I don't .. do I see your friends at work coming around .. if they do it will never be the same . I would forget the weekend bowling etc .
Should you apologise .. see here the rub if you do you only make yourself seem weak and in your position that wouldn't sit with your bosses well .. if you don't then you keep going where this leads and truth be told an apology will no resolve this situation ..
If I were you I would look for a transfer it's something your used to doing . A
I'm sorry I can't be all sugar and light with you but I can't get over how you or then company have any right to dictate where a person goes you may offer and they may decline or accept the rest frankly is not your business .
I do hope it works out for you .. it's a shame you didn't consider this to begin with :
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