A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so this is quite a long story.I'm a 19 year old girl.Basically, last year I had a brief 'fling' with someone that I worked with ['boy 1']. We fell out, but are now really close friends. But through this I got closer to one of our mutual friends [shall we call him 'boy 2'?]When I went to university in September last year boy 2 split up with his girlfriend, and we started talking more and more and flirting more obviously than we had before. He came to stay with me and uni and things got pretty friendly, and we made out quite a lot. For a few weeks after that he kept saying things like "i miss you" and at one point said that he was "falling for me".But after a few weeks he went away with one of his friends from college, and since then he's been pretty distant, and he's turning into someone else. [this question is going somewhere by the way...].Thing is I got pretty upset at this. I really like him. But Boy 1 has been telling me about how much of a player boy 2 is, and how he treats girls badly. When i found this out I was suprised, because he always seemed so lovely when we were together. But it hurt because i knew all the things he'd been saying to me could have just been him playing me. When we've been out since i've been home for the holidays, though, he's tried to kiss me several times and I haven't let him, because I don't want to fall for him any more than i think i might have.But now one of my other friends, who knows both of them, has suggested that boy 1 is lying to me, because he doesn't want me to be with boy 2 - in short, she implied that boy 1 still likes me and that he's jealous. Me and boy 1 talk pretty much every day - he has a girlfriend, but even her and her friends have started to get annoyed at how much he talks to me. I'm starting to wonder whether there is something in this suggestion. It's like they're competing for me, has been for the last few months.SO, after that confusing story (i apologise if it makes absolutely no sense!) my question is: help me! i am so confused. I need advice. 1 - should I just let what is happening with boy 2 play out, let him get closer to me again and risk being played? The thing is i can't actually stop myself thinking about him, no matter what people tell me - I think i've fallen pretty deep.2 - should i believe what boy 1 has told me? I trust him, he's pretty much my best friend, but some people reckon that he still likes me and last week when we were both drunk he sort of attempted to kiss me. 3 - how do i move on from this? these two boys have had me stuck in a rut for a year now. truth is they're 2 of only about 5 guys that have ever shown any interest in me before, and i'm starting to feel like i can only attract boys who want to play me or whatever.in short, i am so confused. sorry if this message has too much going on for you to understand the situation, but if you can help i would greatly appreciate it!!! xxx
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best friend, drunk, flirt, has a girlfriend, jealous, move on, player, split up, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 January 2011):
Hi there. I think that only you can be the judge of what is the truth and what isn't.
It's possible the first guy is lying about the 2nd guy, but who really knows? The first guy has a girlfriend, so what does he have to gain? Unless of course, he wants to get back with you.
With the 2nd guy, just take it slowly and don't give him sex too freely, because then he might take you for granted. You don't want it to be an FWB (Friends With Benefits), do you? So my advice there is, to be a friend to him (if you still like him), then see how he treats you over time and whether you feel you can trust him. If you really believe you can't trust No. 2, then you will have to make a decision about him - probably to call it quits.
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Boy number 1 has a girlfriend, and yet tries to kiss you. I think that tells you all you need to know about guy number 1. If he was truly your "friend" he'd not try and kiss you! I imagine boy number one is the true player here!
Try and talk to guy number 2 instead. However if he's gotten distant then it's not like he's pursuing you actively, and I wonder if perhaps things have drifted by now and he's not that interested in you any more? But you could always try and talk to him. Just keep your feelings in check and don't fall too hard yet! Even if he does like you it doesn't mean he's in love with you just yet, so play it cool.
As for guys in general, you are so young and it's not unusual at all to not be drowning in guys. Just be patient and flirt with guys and get yourself out there and be available to talk to, and guys will talk to you. Even if it doesn't work out with guy number 2, there are plenty of other fish in the sea! And this is definitely not your last chance at ever finding a man who shows you interest.
But stay away from guy 1, he sounds shady.
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