A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm wondering what people think of 4/5 year age gaps in relationships?To give you a bit of backstory - I used to suffer with really terrible anxiety. At 15 I had a sort of breakdown, dropped out of school and just stayed at home. For about 4 years straight I only left the house a handful of times and only to go psychiatric/counselling appointments. At 19/20 I went to college, got some A levels but it was a real struggle and I didn't do much socialising. Then I went back to just staying at home. At 22 things got easier, to the extent that I was able to move out and go to university.Now here's my problem. I don't have much in common with my own age group. I've never dated, moved out before or gone out drinking while everyone else my age has, some are even married and some have children. I feel so different from them, I struggle to find things to talk about. A few I get on with, the slightly less mature ones but on the whole I find I get on better with 18yr olds who have just left school/college. I look 16 so they just treat me like everyone else (my closest friends know my age and aren't bothered by it). Something that's bothering me though is a few guys have tried flirting but I'm just constantly aware of the age gap. I've heard of women going with older men but not really the other way round. Would a 5yr age difference between a 23yr old woman and an 18yr old guy be wrong? Should I just wait until I'm a little more mature and go for someone my own age? There's not anyone I'm actually interested in atm but I'm wondering for the future when I'm ready to settle down.Just to add that starting a family isn't so much of an issue - because of my family's tendency to have mental health problems, I've decided not have my own biological children.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 November 2011):
 if you are happy and he is happy... it's fine.
while 18 to 23 is a gap due to different stages in life, it's not insurmountable.
as we get older it gets easier
heck when i was 23 my current boyfriend was 9 turning 10... I"m a bit more than 13 years older than he is...
and honey I look 51 and at 38 he looks 25, clearly I prefer younger men...
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 November 2011):
 It really doesn't matter what other people think of the age gap, it's what you think. As long as you're not dating someone under the legal age of consent, then you're well within the right.
The only other things to consider when there's an age gap is:
- His maturity level for his age. Be careful girls mature faster than guys and at 18 he'll still be pretty immature.
-He's on the same page as you when it comes to life. Does he plans to further his education by going to university? If not, does he have a decent job? What are his goals?
- He can legally drink in public with you. I'm unsure of the legal drinking age in Britain. In the US it's 21, so a couple with a 21 yr old guy and a 17yr old girl will have trouble with the relationship because she's unable to get into a bar let alone be served.
As long as you tick those boxes, then the age gap isn't a big deal.
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A
female
reader, goldie22 +, writes (12 November 2011):
As a short answer no, an age gap like that where the woman is older is not A bad thing. You would both be adults. As long as you are both happy why should it.matter, as long as he knows how old you are!
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