A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone.this isn't a major issue, but i don't know. Amd I know there are many kind ,caring agony aunts here who maybe could spare some thoughts and their experiences.i'm 19 yr old girl .i'm the only child to my parents ..they love me dearly and look after me like a princess.i'm their first priority in everything,their whole world .all their worries mostly revolve around my well being.however they restrict me,don't spoil me and do not pamper me too much with money/things.i'm like any other girl of my age.slightly rebellious,absorbed into my world of boyfriend and friends,since a year or so i'm careful to be less of a rebel,try to be more helpful at home,etc..though i lose temper and act mad sometimes,i later show love... because i'm realizing that during teenage years i'd become more concerned of my own issues.when i am upset over something with my bf,i get easily revved up at home...get irritated if they are after me for something,if they start discussing something serious with me,or keep questioning me for something.i would just want to be left alone in my room.moreover,they would begin to ask why are u behaving funny.do you have any problem like you had ?(guy trouble)(last time when me and my ex broke up i was depressed ..my grades dropped so i confessed about the relationship to them.since they don't know about me having a boyfriend they think i'm being rude and that i'm spoilt.anyways ,now a days i'm trying to show my love better to my parents,spend more time with them,joke around etc.HERE COMES MY PROBLEM occasionally,when i'm alone in my room,before going to sleep/when i'm in bed,i start worrying about how will i survive the feeling of loss when they grow old and die :( i don't have a sibling to share the same feeling as i would feel...i know i'll have a husband and kids.but yet i know how emotional i am and that i won't come to terms with it!when i worry bout it i get so perturbed that i start crying alone!i get old childhood memories when i was more close to them.. then i go give a hug to my mom or else sit near my dad and try to converse something.i've never shared this feeling with my parents as i feel kinda embarrassed ,but i've told to my boyfriend and he just told me thats the reason i tell you to spend time and enjoy with your family..and don't think about all that shit of the future.why do you always think crap..rubbish you always think of death!but i cant stop myself ,at least once in a month i cry thinking of it moreover..my parents will not be completely satisfied with me marrying my bf in future..we love each other,and he's a great guy but he is of a different caste and although my parents would give in for my happiness i know they wont be fully happy..because of several cultural differences,ours is a priestly caste and there are certain things which they wish i should "carry forward" and which are not possible when i'm marrying a non priestly caste person.but i'm totally NOT concerned of that,or the fact that he is a non vegetarian while we are veggie by tradition.i'm ready to even cook non veg food for him.But i have this crumbling feeling inside..i love him, much and our marriage and a happy future with both our families gelling well is so very important to me.i can't stand our relationship being made sour by parents not co-operatingon the other hand i wish i could keep the same closeness with my parents and look after them when they are old.my mom won't even eat food from a restaurant which serves both veg and non-veg as she feels grossed out.how will i balance both?how should i keep it going with my parents..especially mom without getting frustrated.to me, love is above all and all these stupid differences don't matter when its the love and relationship with my guy or my parentsi need some advice on how to keep them intact in my iife as long as they live..because i cant even imagine life after i lose them someday!i love my bf like nothing else ,so does he and leaving him is not an option at all!i have already told my mom that i'm not the type who will settle for an arranged marriage and she only advices me ever since then when ever she gets a chance to ,giving me thousands of reasons as to y i shouldn't fall i love and marry an other caste guy.so i've tested the waters and know its gonna be ruff
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011): OP here,hmm :) wow i love your lovestory :) congrats on your wedding being fixed!yep your right...even i thought that maybe i'm too much of a dreamer .and think too much...i should stop worrying about the future and cherish the time i have in hand...its nice to get reconfirmation from someone on this,getting close to 20,i'm starting to have the fear that i have just a max of 6 years to live FULL TIME with my parents...of which ,after 2 years i would have to go else where to do masters :( ...i'll vent my feelings by showing that closeness from now on,which i have already naturally begun to be...!what you said in the 2nd last para is something i'll keep in mind forever.its good that you are in touch with your inner self.thanks a lot and wish you a very happy married life :D , i pray that your business goes great too!
A
male
reader, krit +, writes (12 November 2011):
 "i'm like any other girl of my age.slightly rebellious,absorbed into my world of boyfriend and friends"yes, dear you have full right to be or want what every girl wants but dont get trapped in the world of fantasy.You are single child of your parents so it can make you lonely at times and them being a little more protective of you.Vent your heart out to your close friends and your mom or your bf from time to time. It would help to pull you back into your present. learn to live in present not your future or past. What you have lost will not again come back and what you have not attained yet is not worthy of getting worried about now. Live like you are dying,and you have just one day left to do all good things that you wanted, and this way let your heart be free to make its way on its own so that you could follow it... i met my fiancée in college. Filled with vigorous thoughts of not following my dads business or taking a dull and boring job and instead creating or starting something on my own. BUT that meant after college there was no way we could to together anymore,we got out of contact for a year.after that we got in touch and kept talking for 6 months or more from then. BUT her family had started considering guys for her at that time. i was yet not sure if i could be perfect for her as spouse. There were yet some more things to be achieved before settling down.i was at my all time high and was feeling like a king because i was living my dream of creating my own successful company.BUT it all went down the hill with just a PHONE CALL.A PHONE CALL FROM her. Somewhere down inside me i knew i was playing with fire and this one phone call would burn it all.IT was her pleading that she could wait no longer and is going marry the next guy which her dad choses for her.I was going to attend a very important business meeting a hour later so was preparing for the presentation.But this one phone call shook the world around me,it was like everything was paused and i was just lost in my own thoughts .i tried to figure out where did i went wrong??then i realized that in this race against time i had forgotten her selfishly to fulfill my dreams even though she was always there for me. she was actually the fuel for this rocket engine for success. i asked myself--*would i had been what i am today without her??? NO!!!*would it would be worth attaining all the things without her being with me??? ..uhhhh again NO.*if this is the last day of my life -is this last business meeting would be more worthy than seeing her for just once??? hell no!!!! i realized how much i would miss her when she was away for even two days in my college days than so how much agonizing would have been for her for me being apart for such a long time.i took the next flight to her city instead of attending the meeting and was at her place the same day itself.i knew i was or might not be perfect as her husband but losing her as a friend or my gf all together at once would have been just too much for me to take it.i asked her dad for engagement and after lot of talk he agreed.The marriage is now set to be in may next year.so what i learned from this was to never try be ahead of time or everyone with putting the one who made you who you are behind you.They deserve your time and attention even after you are light years ahead of time or everyone.in your case it would be your parents. even after you have found all your dreams of love, marriage,life fulfilled they would still deserve and aspect same love and affection as before. live wise and make them happy... :)
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