A
male
age
41-50,
*eykis101
writes:i cant really make this clear, because im not seeking a clear answer, i just want a generalization from female members, what are reasons for a girl telling a man she wants time to work on herself? I ask because ive recently had a neighbor with whom I was close with, he and his girlfriend, and they never really seemed anything but content with each other, she ended up telling him that she needed time to figure out what she wants, totally blindsided him, and it's kind of effecting me, as he spends a good portion of time at my house crying, it has made me curious, as all of my ex's have always just cheated, or been more clear about why its ending, it hasnt always made sense, but I started thinking, this girl wont tell him the sudden decision, or how much time she needs, etc. I really don't know what to tell him as a friend, because I have to admitt, I don't really understand it? any of you girls have any thoughts? im not trying to be precise because obviously she's the only one who knows, but maybe I can give him insight, instead of just telling him that it will be okay?
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 It seems as though there was some information you may not be filly aware of. Firstly she will do this for two basic reasons.
1) she has found out somthing about him she does not really like. Ie he may have different behaviour when it's only him and her, he may just crack at her and think it's okay to speak to somebody like that.
Or
2) she is "falling out if love". This is common and hurts the other greatly. Some of the things that can influence this is another man may be attracted to her and he may be treating her differently a way she really likes. Or it could simply be she is curious about her life with this man she is hurting, after all she has been with him for 5 years Anniston possibly wondering what else is out there. Falling out of love could also be triggered by a mini mid life crisis. And it sounds much more like that if she is asking about wanting "more time to work on herself"
Women are different types of people to us men alot of their life revolves around beauty and looking good in public and at the home, with family and her friends. Her image could also be reflective of this as after five years she may be feeling old and this also could cause her reason to explore a little before she finally makes her decision about him.
Think if it like her last little adventure of youthfulness caused by a mini mid life crisis. This is common in late 20's early 30's.
He may be with her again but equaly he my also lose her.
I wish you and your mate the very best.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 December 2009):
Well she's still going to care about him. So she can talk to him still and even give him a friendly hug.
But if he gets a bit over huggy and she doesn't feel comfortable then she's going to push him away.
She's trying to keep him at a friendly level and no more.
To be honest, you've offered him help and he's said he doesn't want it so leave them to it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Leykis101 +, writes (16 December 2009):
Leykis101 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Last night I guess he finally pinned her down, he hadnt heard from her in days, and he said they talked for like 2 hours, and he felt normal again, and when he went to hug her, she like jumped back away from him, he's fking flipping out, these guys have been together for like 5 years, and he said she started to hug him, and when he tried to get a tighter hug, she pushed him away??? freak, I don't have a clue, I tried to show him this board but he doesnt want any part of it, so im asking on his behalf, WTF????
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (15 December 2009):
She wants him to propose and she is tired of waiting; pure and simple.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 December 2009):
It could be lots of things.
She may love him and care for him but not be IN LOVE with him any more. So she's taking this time to figure out if she actually wants to be with him or not.
There could be someone else who has tempted her and made her doubt her feelings (this does not mean she has cheated though, it could be an innocent crush)
OR
Quite often when you spend so much time with someone you wake up one day and realise the person you once were is disappearing fast. Where has that girl gone and who is this boring woman here now?
So she needs some time to go and be HER again. She may well come back even happier and more in love, jut with some new hobbies and dreams.
Tell him that he needs to ask her to set a time limit. If she doesn't know what she wants by the end of the first week in Jan then she never will. Or something like that.
It's not fair to leave someone hanging like she has, but sometimes it has to be done.
Good Luck!! xx
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