A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I asked this girl out i have like for a long time a month or so ago and she said no and said she didn't like me like that, and that we had been friends for to long and thought it may end up kind of awkward. Well she could tell it sort of aggravated, and went about my day like normal but ceased to take her crap about complaining about always being single.She then went about dating a jerk who then dumped her in less then a week because she didn't do what he wanted her to, basically she wouldn't give him sex.If she brought the fact she was always single or getting dumped up i would call her out for it and make her feel kinda stupid in front of her friends from time to time, she didnt get mad and just got a little embarrassed. I mean it is sort of her own fault for having this happen all the time dating the wrong guys and not dating ones that actually care about her. Well after i started doing this she started showing signs of interest in me more then she ever had before but at first i wondered if was imagining it but soon realized i wasn't. She hugs me when she hardly hugs anyone and really leans into and gets as close to me as possible. Touches and plays with my hair, and looks for me pretty often going out of her way to do so. So i decided well whatever if she shoots me down again o well asked her out and she said yes this time to my surprise! Yet something bugs me why would she after shooting me down possibly just short of a month ago or so decide that suddenly that she was really interested in me. I mean im happy but at the same time its just odd to me, why would she realize it already, any ideas aunts. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (21 October 2009):
 To be honest I don't really like the way you seem proud of "calling her out for her own stupidity and making her feel kinda foolish as punishment". If you continue to make her feel stupid for every little thing, she'll either grow to resent you for it, or will start to think that you're always right and shes always wrong, which will seriously damage her selfconfidence - surely if you were a caring boyfriend this is exactly what you would not want? And what right do you have to "punish" her anyway??
This relationship sounds to me like a power struggle - you seem to want to regain your power after she "shot you down", and assert yourself and your position in the relationship. Which is fine, I think relationships should be about equality, just make sure you tread the fine line and don't take it too far :) contrary to what some men seem to think, sure some women do go for jerks, but usually this is because previous experiences have trapped them into doing so - a relationship with a jerk can make you seriously doubt that you are worthy of anything better. Most girls will avoid a guy who wants to humiliate and punish them, and want to run a mile once theyve discovered theyre with one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't plan on becoming a jerk but ill guess ill just say what im feeling more often which is what i was doing with her calling her out for her own stupidity and making her feel kinda foolish as punishment lol. So ill just say what i want to, and stick my neck out more often if that changes things, i was always getting stuck in the friend zone like i didn't act like a rug i take the stance that you know what i don't have to prove anything to anyone physically or otherwise. Im not going to fight you, ya silly fool, and im not going to argue with you and drop me to your level.Ive heard that taking this outlook can be misinterpreted often but whatever if sticking my neck out when its fitting evens the field then fine by me lol.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 October 2009):
Women like sponteneous, confident men who can surpise them. Of couse nice guys aren't always great as this, wherears jerks are brilliant. But they actually grow out of this after a while when they realize that they don't want to be hurt so much. Don't become a jerk, just spend time being yourself and the right girl will come along.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 October 2009):
 An uncle posted this on another thread and I found it good food for thought. Clingy doormat is not "nice" nor is one appealling as a date, basically.
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml
It's a bit over the top but perhaps it will illustrate the point. I'm not saying you were a doormat, but there might be some aspect of your behavior that wasn't classified as boyfriend-material that you weren't aware of.
Good luck, and please don't become a jerk. Bitter is an ugly characteristic.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): You pegged it right. She likes you better as a jerk than has a nice guy.Women will claim they don't really like jerks but they just like confidence. That's bullshit. You weren't more confident by being a jerk. Women will say it's masculinity they like. Bullshit. You weren't being extra masculine when you were being a jerk. You were just a plain old jerk and it worked. Learn this fact and remember it because it will serve you well. Women say this isn't true but it is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was just suprising to me because like i said i was expecting her to be like no i dont like you like that again after showing signs like last time, but she said yes so i was just like wow, and then it crossed my mind that i had been giving her a a hard time about being stupid basically i was wondering if the fact i showed some nerve, backbone whatever is why. I was just a weee bit confused.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): I think she changed her mind. Women do that a lot.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): Im not sure I understand your question.
Please dont over analize this. You got her, be happy already.
The simple fact is that she saw you as a friend and didnt want to loose that. well now you have shown her that youd be a much better bf, so there you are.
Remember the golden rule for a guy: one hand always gives and the other hand always takes.
enough said, have fun together
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