A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:So, just got out of a year long relationship a couple of months and I'm suddenly remembering how annoying trying to date. I approach the steps as well as can be. I meet new women all the time and it always ends up the same. We laugh together and have a good conversation, I get their number, then they don't answer or return texts, or if they do everything just eventually stops until I just move on and erase their number. It just seems like a never ending cycle of acquire and rejection. Is finding someone supposed to be this difficult? I've got a friend and it seems like every day he's got a new phone number from yet another one most beautiful women I've ever seen and he's not that much better than looking than me. He's even short. I had an analogy that women are like bug zappers and men are flies. Every beautiful woman who catches our eye is a new bug zapper and we just keep getting zapped by each one until eventually we find one whose wattage is turned way down that day and she returns our calls and goes out with us. Is finding someone supposed to be this difficult?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): There's no magic formula beyond being you. Balancing the right amount of confidence with desire, putting them at ease and of course you need common interests.
Women want to be pursued, so you just pursue them, not in an overbearing way but you just make it clear to them you're interested and you don't take no for an answer easily. Take charge and always have some fun things you can do and go to for follow up dates. It's all about the fun factor really.
Be a guy that knows who he is, likes who he is, knows where he's going, knows what he wants (and make it clear you want her), gets what he wants, can control situations, is nice to people in general, isn't afraid to stand up for himself, isn't afraid of spending money, is well dressed, smells nice, well groomed and leads a fun exciting life that you're willing to share with her. But most of all that you don't really care that much about seeing her again but it would be fun and you're up for it if she'd like. That might seem contradictory but I find a lot of girls are suckers for guys that seem interested but casual too.
If I were you I'd start going clubbing every once and while, take up some other activities you might like. Go out and do exciting things, have an active fun filled life. I got with my current girl of 4 years when I'd gotten to the stage in life where it was awesome, I was always busy with things to do and places to go, people to meet and she found that exciting, she wanted me to show her that kind of life and share it with her.
A
male
reader, Solidus +, writes (16 November 2010):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the question You bring up some very interesting points, Cerberus
I don't really like clubbing or going to bars so I usually meet women in random places throughout my day, like in class, the mall, or at a car rental place or something. My friend whom I mentioned before isn't the best looking dude, but he is supremely confident. Its almost as if he goes "Hey, I want you. Give me your number, baby" and they do. I'm paraphrasing of course, but its not far from the truth. I've seen him get rejected before as well, but he just keeps doing it and has a much higher success rate than myself.
I don't know, I guess you just have to keep trying. I don't know what the magic formula is to keep a woman interested past the acquire phase.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): Where are you meeting these women, in bars? When they're drunk?
If so most girls that give out their number drunk, regret doing so unless you're zac efron. A lot of the time they do it to be nice, not hurt your feelings, or because while drunk they liked you.
Me and my girlfriend played a game recently, I know this might seem cruel to some people but we had a game of who could get the most numbers in a night. The rules of the game were simple, she had to stick to the female role of not approaching guys (otherwise it would have been too unfair) and waiting to be approached and I took on the guys role and approached women. We could flirt only to a certain degree, not touching other than shoulder or elbow.
In the space of two hours I got 5 numbers and got rejected 2 times by girls who said they had boyfriends. She only got 4 and obviously there's no chance of rejection because she got approached. The point is girls get approached numerous times in a night by drunken guys, even girls that might not be considered "beautiful" or model material do. This kind of competition means that even of you get a girls number the next guy to approach her might be better looking more charming etc. you see in bars and clubs, it's juts a revolving door. We guys approach girls then if we're rejected it's on to the next girl.
Girls get approached by guys and when that guy goes another will appear. You basically have to be the guy that sticks in their mind, you have to be a guy that gives them a bit of a flutter and sweeps them of their feet.
I've had a lot of practice in it, I've been in a relationship for 4 years now but before that I was quite successful at dating and getting numbers. There are lots of variables in getting girls but you have to be well groomed, supremely confident and you have to make the girl feel special from the start. Good conversation and fun is not enough, you have to make them want you, by making them feel desired. Girls will give out their numbers to nice guys and then change their mind. But they'll give their number to a guy they like, a guy that makes them feel something and sit by the phone hoping he'll text. You have to learn how to be that guy. You have to stand out. They key to standing out is supreme confidence bordering on arrogance. When I was dating I was a very average looking, chubby guy with receding hair line. But I was cocksure, funny and relentless in my pursuit of a woman. I made it clear I wanted and was going to have that woman and most of them were up for the challenge. I wasn't a tall dark and handsome guy but girls were fascinated by my self assured attitude they really wanted to know what my secret was, they wanted to see if it would rub off on them and most of all they felt secure and at ease. It's not hard, you just have to keep trying.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 What about Women are the orchids and Men are the bees? Eventually you will find one that is welcoming to you or perhaps you need to search a different field. Your current analogy is somewhat inelegant and inaccurate. They do not intentionally 'zap' you, why would one woman start something with someone she does not like? A bug zapper is more ferocious and unforgiving. No, I prefer thinking of it like flowers and bees. Each one is different, each one is beautiful, somewhere in that field you, the humble bee will find the most succulent, most sheltering flower and you will love it.
I hope that helps.
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