A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I got a question for ya'll. I have been told is very common in women. Why do we lose our sex drive, or have none at all? I am a 35 year old all american woman. I got 2 kids, a husband and 2 step-daughters. I have been with my husband for 8 years or so. Actually, what is very ironic, is 8 years ago today, we had sex for the first time lol.I have gone thru my phases where I want it, and then there is now, could care less. Don't get me wrong, I love my hubby very much, and am still very attracted to him, and when we do make love, its awesome. I just hate doing the same ole routine everytime, just so we can. We both have to shower before hand, or ill regret it later. I'm very sensitive there and allergic to everything. Its so bad, that he cant use mouthwash after he brushes his teeth to give me oral. ~.~ It burns :( I know this isn't the only reason I have no interest or it doesnt bother me if we dont.I'm eager to hear how others feel and deal with this...
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Agree w/bettyb! At 30-35, you should be going through your 'sexual prime' (I recall my husband started calling me nymphomaniac at this age) - so I suspect that your hormones need to be checked if your sex drive is at 0 to none. It might be normal to be exhausted and overworked at your age and lose some of your sex drive; but to not have ANY sounds very suspicious.
Get thyself to thy OB/GYN a.s.a.p.!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): It's not in your head and it's not stress. It's either from a loss of testosterone or from your estrogen levels being too high in proportion to testosterone. You're probably going into the early stages of perimenopause. I had that problem for many years. I went to a ton of doctors who weren't helpful and seemed to know little to nothing about hormones. It hurt my marriage. And then last year, I found a doctor who put me on a bioidentical cream with estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. It brought my sex drive back full blast. It's wonderful!
It may be something you should look into.
Good luck. :-)
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A
male
reader, SMichael +, writes (1 December 2010):
You could do some research on exploring sexual adventures, techniques, positions. Maybe plan a night together where you are just focusing on him. Research ways to please your man. Spend one night doing that. Be more aggressive. Don't wait for him to move. Be on top. Go down on him. Maybe surprise him with a BJ when he gets home. If the kids are not hm just do it right there in the kitchen. Just do this for a night are 2. Just focus on pleasing him. You may find that it turns you on to see him turned on. And it may also spark a little something in him. I know my wife is turned on when I am and I am VERY turned on to see her turned on. It makes me anticipate the next time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Hi there-- I think it's quite common to start going thru what you're describing at around the seven/eight year mark. Marriage can hit the doldrums at this point, and if you don't work at keeping the romance alive, it can just be a slow road to separation/divorce. I'm speaking from experience. :(
I would suggest (not nec. in this order!): 1) using a good lube (if you're not already doing so)-- it sure works wonders for me (I know all about sensitivity down under) ; 2) marriage counselling, maybe with somebody specializing in sex therapy (it can prevent affairs from happening)-- as a couple or just by yourself ; 3) a no-fail, weekly date night with yr hubbie ; 4) daily contact with hugs and kisses and backrubs, etc.
Hope this helps. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Uh, before you jump into swinging... how about a Dr. Visit to check your hormone levels... you may find that you're low on testosterone. My wife recently got a Rx and it's made a huge difference.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Being sensitive is good. Better to feel more than feeling nothing. You need variety. I think it's the time to discuss a more alternative lifestyle than you are having. Just be honest, lay it out on the table, and be sensitive to each other's feeling.
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