A
male
age
41-50,
*ho_knows33
writes:Hi all,First of all I want to let you guys know that my English is not as good as many people here.I’ll try to do my best to explain myself.I am in a situation which puzzled me so much.4.5 years ago I met with my wife in my country then after all the nice time we had together and loved each other we’ve decided to get married.It’s being 2.5 years as married, and its being 9 months we are separated. We are living in UK.I’ve left my country then came here after I met with my wife (4.5 years ago)Everything was so nice; we were having great fun together. We had a great wedding in my country and back to UK. From the beginning moving was essentially my wife’s decision.I have found a job, extra bits, had a company etc. and I had good success for a new starter in different country! Basically I did my best… But in the meantime my wife was creating lots of problems and arguments about the money… She started to lose her trust on me and horrible days I have had… in the end she asked me to leave the house which I did…Couple of months later we met to talk about the divorce process etc.She was a bit upset, kind of she started to realise what she did wrong (I think)Anyway, some days after she came to my place and she said that she is not going to put her name for my visa anymore, kind of she mentioned that I should go back to my country. She said I’ll be fine with that! Anyway, I have decided to back to my country that time but my permanent work didn’t want me to leave and they changed my visa to my name.Kind of she tried to get me rid of the country! She made me feel like a piece of sh!te… It’s horrible to feel that after all nice and happy days we had… Days followed each other but we didn’t do anything to get divorce. Didn’t see each other, didn’t talk after the first meeting… We carried on living separately… After couple of months, we’ve met again as a second time… She said that she was seeing someone… She was really upset and regret whatever she did to me… I listened every single word she said then I said to her all fine, forget the past and let’s try again… But even it didn’t take couple of days then she turned back to horrible person again… No respect, humiliating etc. we carried on living separately…Again after couple of months later she rang me one day and we’ve started to see each other again! She said that she was so regret, she made the all mistakes and she wanted try again… I’ve said all fine, I’ll forget everything in the past and even I’ll forgive her for seeing someone… Let’s fresh start… it took 3 weeks than I’ve booked a holiday for us and the night before she came to me and said that she is not coming because she was seeing him again… All crashed down to pieces..!I went to holiday own my own… I have felt so upset and defeated…After everything, I’ve thought myself to start a fresh life… I started to see my ex-girlfriend (in different country) while I was living in UK! She adores me… Such a girl..! But to be able to carry on with her I need to back to my country and start from scratch for my carrier again which I am working on it at the moment.Yesterday, this is after 1 month saw my wife last time, I spoken with her on the phone and met with her today to talk about us. She was crying when she starts to talk about me and herself. She accepts every horrible moment she has created.She said that she knows I am seeing my ex and she said that my ex had a chance to have me again but my wife doesn’t want to divorce now. She is not sure we could get back together either!I know even I cannot get that!In this point I am so confused. The reason I am confused because I truly loved my wife, she was my one but she has been so wrong to me, in the mean time she is so sorry for everything, she doesn’t know she wants to be together either as I said. I don’t know what she wants..!I said to her; either it’s going to be good or bad we need to finalise this situation.After we separated (9months) we never lived in the same place, never has any sexual relation.In the each time she wanted to try; she said she wants to feel love again same as the first time.I know I look like a silly lover… Main things I didn’t want to finish this marriage without fight for it.I really loved her to pieces.I never want anything from her except her love and have a family with her.When she talks to me I really see her feelings about me, all emotional and still I do receive love from her!Ahhh now; I’ll see her again in three days. I really can’t figure out what should I do… Should I tell her that’s all finished because she already killed this relationship, or fight for it and try to save my marriage and my love!What about my ex, she is so in love with me and expecting me to back to her totally!Could someone give me an idea what is going on here or what should I do…Otherwise I really will be crazy..!Many Thanks….
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, fergus +, writes (3 December 2010):
i think that your wife has been very unfaithful and bad to you in the past. every time you have tried it again she has just abandoned you! if she truly loved you then she would have never left you or been bad to you. it sounds like you have a loving ex back home and also somewhere where you will be appreciated. i think you should get the divorce with your wife and go back to your ex :)
hope it helped and good luck for three days
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