A
female
age
41-50,
*sjanna
writes:I am a woman in my early 30s and I have never had a boyfriend. Recently, I`ve been meeting some men but I keep getting rejected because I do not have dating experience aka I have never been in a long term relationship. I have two questions. First is it a very strange thing for a woman to be in her early 30s and never had a relationship? I have never been in a relationship because I am not strikingly beautiful in terms of looks, I don`t have an outgoing personality, and I can`t date guys I don`t find attractive. Second is, is it possible for me at my age and in my situation, to find someone who will want me even if I don`t have any dating experience? I don`t want to start tooting around my permanent single status just yet... or ever!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2015): it seems there are more men out there like this than there are women
A
male
reader, ian22 +, writes (13 June 2011):
I don't think you should provide the information upfront in a dating situation. I once met a 30 year old woman who had car trouble. I drove her home and on the way she commented that she felt comfortable talking to me like she was surprised. I said I didn't realize I was scary. She said it as her and she was really uncomfortable talking to men. When I asked what she meant she said she should have not mentioned it. I told her we were going to be driving for a while and I would be happy to hear about her situation. It was interesting because she was really very attractive and had a very nice personality. She said she was always very shy had never had a real boyfriend and at her age she just knew she would never be able to find a man to date because he would know she didn't have experience. I asked how the men would know if she didn't tell them. She said she had been out a few times and was scared to let the guy even kiss her goodnight for fear he would know she didn't have experience. I told her the guy wouldn't notice because a first kiss is stressful and emotion packed. I told her that I had been lucky enough in my life to have had several first kisses and I considered a first kiss to be a total success if any part of my lips touched any part of the womans lips. She said if not the first, then he would know on a subsequent kiss and I said we men are shallow and to just kiss him the same way he kissed you and he will think you are an expert. I suggested a couple places she could go to meet some nice guys and gave her my cell number in case she had questions. I gave her an assignment to go out and and make eye contact with and say "Hi" to three guys the next Saturday and then call me and report. To my surprise she called and told me about her experience. One of the guys told her he was often there on Saturday morning and asked if she would be back next week. She went back and he asked her to have lunch. She was so happy and now reports that they have gotten past the 'dreaded' first kiss and are planning to see each other again. He is a graduate student a few years younger. A few weeks later she called and asked if I would talk to her friend, another young woman with a similar problem. I am waiting for the friend to get up enough courage to talk to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): Same here. But I disagree with the advice that you need to be more outgoing to attract attention. Yes, you may need get out of your comfort zone but don't do it to please anyone or boost your appeal. Don't do anything you won't be able sustain in the long run. And having confidence is not a cure all.
I agree with Just Diana "My recommendation is to take the focus off of YOU and just be. Get active in life. You are too hung about what you have or dont have. Just BE! And when you find yourself in the state of being authentically you.....THEN, you will attract a partner."
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 I think there are plenty of women in their early 30's who do not have a relationship.
It is pretty common these days as single and financially independent women are putting of marriages in favour of their careers.
Wanting you has got nothing with no dating experiences. The men want you for who you are and no dating experience is immaterial.
The major reason that many women are still single is because they have either too high an expectations from the men and cannot find the right man.
They want to find a man who is either higher than them career wise or on the same level with them. This would cut off many men and since you are only looking for attractive man, you will be competing with the many single and beautiful ladies for this rare commodity.
If you cannot find any man , you will have to lower your entry levels or you will be consigned as a wall flower.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): me and you have the exact same problem and no body can help me either.you sound exactly me :(
me and you could be friends or else my twin
i am glad i am not the only with same problem because i though i was the only one in the world
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): If you say you're getting rejected because you don't have any dating experience then I have to wonder what kind of men you are meeting!
The wrong kind imao!
It should be irrelevant. If you meet someone who genuinely cares for you and wants to be your boyfriend then dating experience is surely irrelevant. Part of a relationship is getting to know each other and find your own experiences!
As to your age - that's largely irrelevant too. It's deeply ironic there are (male) question posters to this web site out there who have terrible issues because there girlfriend started too young and has had 'too many' girlfriends.
Be patient and try and find someone loving and caring who shares your interests and beliefs. Not some numb skull who can't see the beautiful person you sound like you are.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (18 April 2010):
Of course it's possible! You need to relax and down play your past (or lack there of). Don't offer up that you've never had a boyfriend, let a guy get to know you- you don't mention if your a virgin, but if you are when the relationship gets serious enough for sex, you need to be careful and communicate your needs. By then your man should know you well enough and care for you enough to be sympathetic to your needs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): How do these men find out you have no dating experience? I suspect it is because you tell me more or less straightaway. Stop doing that for a start. By telling these guys this information, you are making yourself out to be a loser and who wants to date a loser? Sorry for being so blunt. There is no magic method to handling dates, the key is to be yourself. Let these guys see you at your best. If you haven't already, I suggest you look at some confidence-building courses, there are loads of free ones available online. If that doesn't appeal, look out for some books on the subject at a bookshop. I think if you work on your confidence/self-esteem a bit more, the fact that you have no dating experience will cease to matter to you.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Just Diana  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 Come on! in response to your question no1 - yes of course it is strange in todays society to never have had a boyfriend.Question 2: Yes, it is possible to find someone who will want you.My recommendation is to take the focus off of YOU and just be. Get active in life. You are too hung about what you have or dont have. Just BE! And when you find yourself in the state of being authentically you.....THEN, you will attract a partner.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 When you first meet a guy, you should never introduce yourself as someone who has never dated. When you do that it looks like as if you are giving a warning signal: I am unwanted goods, date me at your own risk. That's not something you want to protray to guys. How else would you describe yourself in personality? Easy going, laid back, affectionate, caring? If he asks you about your past, just tell him you had brief relationships here and there, had been single for a long time, and no need to elaborate further. Women like you actually offers a fresh perspective on dating. You don't have any baggage, no children, no negative opinions on men yet. If you have a female friend who's experienced, then ask her to hook you up with a nice guy. She can advice you on dating skills and help you screen out bad guys before you fall in love with them.
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