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*aron
writes: I need help. My girlfriend of 17 months has said that she don't want to see me anymore out of the blue. I have asked to speak her, she has said no. I have emailed her and she has not replied. I can't eat or sleep. I'm gonna get ill. Help, I don't know what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): i'm going through it now...5 years relationship, been great...after one day where she said "i love you", she said "i need to be away from you"...worst times of my life...hope it's over soon... for good or for bad, but we just can't press it, cause the 'bad' probabilities increase...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Well what i did was i called her and are we together?? If she goes ummm... that mean give her some time. Ask her why shes so mad.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): i am 35 years old and my girlfriend is 21 we have been thru a lot of hard times ,now she is in college and has new friends and she broke up with me and dates already i am crushed almost even suicidal,what do i do i really need help .
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): I never thought that anyone was hurting as much as me, I dated this girl that I didn't even like that much but then I fell in love with her we dated for only two months until she told me she wanted to just be "friends". After reading others I feel much better though I am very sorry to hear about you others. It happens I guess I learned the hard way though cause I think I bugged her to much about it after and she wouldn't even consider getting back with me so whatever. I guess we all just have to move on no matter how hard it is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): hey aaron,
she might not want to talk about it because something might be wrong. Give her a few days and then try again. Keep trying and if she is a good person she'll talk to you.
If she doesn't talk then its not worth it
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): I just found the girl of my dreams. Or at least I thought. Things were going great for 7 months but I knew something was up. She wouldn't really tell me. She finally said she needed her space. So I gave it to her. She slowly came back over a week and then she dropped the bomb on me. She even told me I'm the perfect man for her and she could live her life with me. But why break up with me? Dosen't make sense does it. The thing is, is that she feels like she never took a crucial step in her life, is a little insecure about the past, and afraid of the future. She needs to learn how to open up and deal with her issues too. Most of these girls will keep making the same mistakes in their life and end up unhappy anyway. A few will learn and some might even come back. But don't lay awake thinking about it. The past is the past. The real fact is, we have our insecurities too and this is the time to be the person you've always wanted to be. Be carefull not to jump into another relationship or fuck around, it won't make you happy in the long run. You might end up hurting someone else. Only you can make you happy. Learn from this, life always teaches you a lesson so grow up a little and be a man. If you carry these negative things into the next relationship, then you will always have the same problems again too. It's not about who you find really, but it's about the timing. Not everyone wants the same thing at the same time. Just be honest to yourself, and cut her off (in a nice way) if can't stand being hurt anymore. You're not a puppy dog or a dart board. Respect yourself. But even though it hurts, don't put up a wall of bitterness, you just might miss the next great girl. And believe me, as long as you're happy with you, she will come along.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): I can relate, and know exactly what you're feeling and going thru. I was travelling to another country, and took a side trip to meet a girl that I was introduced to thru family. I felt like we hit it off immediately. Although the conversation didn't totally flow the whole weekend, we spent 3 great days together and I met her family. She was the only one that spoke English, but I was able to communicate with her family thru her. Fast forward 6 months...she comes to the States to visit, staying with her relatives. I made a trek to another US city to see her 2 weekends in a row, and even though it took us some time to warm back up to each other, we spent some enjoyable time together. Then she dropped the bomb on me...after an hour drive to the beach, as we walked on the sand, she told me that she can never leave her country and her family, and that she wants to stay friends. I was totally devistated, even though I knew it was a long shot to begin with. I was nice to her for the rest of the day and went back home. She sent me an e-mail telling me that she had a great time, and would call me when she got to where I live the next weekend. I felt like I couldn't see her knowing that we would "just be friends" and separated by 5000 miles. I told her it was better if I didn't see her right now and needed some time since everything happened so fast. I called her a week later, and when we finally did see each other again, just one more time before she left, she was very distant and could barely look me in the eye. I said some kind words before we parted, and told her that I care about her and so on. That was it. I made 2 more attempts to call her before she left, but she never returned my calls. Now she's back in her country and I'm trying to move on, a month later. It's the worst feeling in the world, but it gets better as time goes on. I know someone else will come along that will make it clear to me that she just wasn't the right one. I feel your pain too!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2005): Just happenned to me - out of the blue the girl dumps me for someone of her own ethnicity. Everyone is right here. Drop contact and you will feel better faster.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2005): I completely understand where you are coming from. Yesterday my girlfriend of a year broke up with me. She wanted space a month ago, and we stayed real close, up until 3 days ago i went to her house and things were great, I left and she told me she loved me. for the next 3 days I received nothing, not even a hi. Well last night she up out of the blue told me that its over and she doesn't want to be with me anymore, I asked her why and she wouldn't tell me. This is the most painful thing i've ever gone through in my life. We were engaged, and wedding stuff picked out, so many memories, and she always made me feel good when I was around her. I don't know what to do and now i'm just sitting here, a lonely 25 year old with no clue how to handle myself. She wants to stay friends and still talk since we have a history that goes back 12 years and has lasted through me living in 3 different countries. I know exactly how the pain feels, I can't stop thinking about it and its making me feel ill too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2005): Hey it happened to me today but I kinda saw it coming. She was different over the past few weeks so I initiated the breakup via email instead of person as it was more convenient for us both. I knew she would accept it as she is the kind of girl that doesn't want to be the "bad guy" in most anything. I was to the point and gracious in the three sentence email. I thanked her for the fun we had & left it at that. She responded & apologized saying she didn't realize how busy she had become. Not that I necessarily believe all of that but she was gracious back. The key here is by no means contact her back! No emails, text messages, phone calls, don't even "happen" to be in the same area as she may be. By my expierence give a woman a few months of no attention by yourself & you have roughly a 50 percent chances of her0contacting you later on. Its happened a few times to me. Now she may just want to be friends or she may be fishing to see if you are on the market or not or in a rare case (hasnt happened to me) may tell you she made a mistake. Give it time, find other chicks to date & see if she contacts you in a few monthes. JUST DO NOT CONTACT HER AT ALL! Best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2005): Yeah,This shit happened to me and I was only seeing this chick for three months and I'm still bent over it four months later. Relationships are funny like that I guess.The worst part is that she said "she would call in a few weeks" and we would be "special friends". Which brought little closure and more confusion. Chicks just feed off the drama and the need for multiple guys' attention.Her ex, of 1 yr,left her messages all the time and I take 1 call from my ex and the relationship is over...bunk.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2005): Well, I hope you are prepared for what may be a huge bombshell. This may hurt like hell to hear a total stranger tell you this but, leave it alone. Its over. You wont get back together.Now that I have said that I have to explain why. You want answers. She wont give them. You want to talk. She wont let you. Its hard. Its one of the hardest things in my opinion, that a relationship can throw at you. If you thought you had done something wrong, you would know it and accept it. If there had been signs that things werent working, you could accept it. Its the "not knowing" that causes the real heartache. Fact is, there may be no reason. People change and even though you are surprised and hurt that this has happened, she may have been intending to break up with you for some time. I guess you are fairly young from how you asked your question, so it is understandable that you are feeling this way. Everybody goes through how you are feeling at the moment at some point, you just have to get to the point when you accept what has happened. Basically, if there was any chance of saving your relationship, she would have been in touch with you by now. Stop emailing her, dont call her, erase her numbers from your cellphone and stop contacting her in any way. Keep busy, whether it is with a hobby, work, or just catching up on things you used to do before you and her got together. Generally just fill your life up with as much stuff as you can, this will help you in getting over her. Put things into perspective, I hate to use this as an example but the song " Everybody Hurts" by REM has been hijacked by too many relationship breakups to even begin to contemplate. Yet, its words are true. You had been with this girl for 17 months, imagine how an eighty year old feels when they are grieving after the death of their spouse who has been their companion for fifty or sixty years - should put a different slant on things. I realise that with this comparison, the death would be "the reason why", but think about it. Even if you had a reason, it would not make you feel any better, chances are that it would make you feel a whole lot worse. People break up all the time, you arent the first one to feel as bad as you do now, and you certainly will not be the last! Keep your chin up, and do excuse me if my reply makes you feel bad when you read it, but one day you will realise where I am coming from. Best of luck
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reader, misty +, writes (9 April 2005):
It hurts, don't it!! Well don't make yourself ill. If she loves you she will contact you. Give her space. In time she will see what she's missing. That's if you was good to her.Don't, whatever you do, keep texting and calling, or she will see you as a hassle. Give it time.
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reader, 5frost3 +, writes (9 April 2005):
You're in a difficult situation because not only have you lost someone you care very deeply for very suddenly, you also have no idea why, which can be as frustrating as it is hurtful.You have to try and accept the fact that maybe she isn't going to see you again, even if this turns out to be untrue. You owe it to your own physical and emotional well-being to get your life in order.Force yourself to go out socialising. Have your friends round and have a drink. Throw yourself into work or studies and really try and get on with your life. I know its hard. I really do. And its easier said than done. But badgering her isn't going to make a difference. Give her some time and give yourself some time. That way you will both be in a better situation to handle whatever reason she gives you for leaving.Have some fun mate.
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